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Once Again

Annoyingly Painful Reality

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A glance over some of the blogs here and it looks like my blog may be out of place, but acne and acne scarring is the reason for my situation. And I feel that what I want to express would be understood better here than anywhere else, and I've written in other places too just hoping that there's someone out there listening. I guess that's better than what I have now. I hope this isn't depressing for people out there that read the blog section and create their own. And if it is, I'm really sorry, but I need this place more than ever. 

So, I have to mention a bit of my history as to what led my life up to this point. I'll try to keep it as short as possible:

I would like to think I was an average kid in elementary, but my life has been downhill ever since my freshman year in high school

  • In 1993 I turned eleven years old and I was given my first zit, and also extremely oily skin
  • In 1995 I'm thirteen and my pimples become more active but nothing too serious
  • One year later in high school right after winter break I break out severely and it's been hell ever since
  • My junior year in high school I turn sixteen and started using Retin-A and taking antibiotics

I think this is where I doomed myself. Because of my OCD I completely misused the cream and destroyed my top layer by over exfoliation, and it's still effecting to this day, and I haven't used Retin-A since 2006. Since I used it improperly and maybe because of my sensitive skin, my face looks EXACTLY like the surface of an orange peel. I have extremely large pores, hardened skin like the way it happens with Rhinophyma but not on my nose but everywhere on my face. There's not a place on my skin that looks smooth. I have a combination of scars from ice pick to rolling scars. It's horrible and it's the reason I haven't had a job for eight years. I rarely leave the house. I like to be outside but my face always reminds me that I don't belong outside. I belong stuck inside of my house. I live with my widowed mother and the family dog. I live off of her social security and my dead father's pension. It's an awful life, but I don't have the courage to face anyone because when I'm forced to interact with people they make me feel like complete shit when I already know this about myself. It's really difficult to see their reactions, and it just reinforces my anxiety and keeps me shut in. 

 

Hopefully I continue with this blog just so that I can feel a little better thinking that I might be connecting with someone in the outside world, even if it's only an illusion. It's all I have. So thank you for reading if you made it this far!



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