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weird things are happening// "happy" birthday

hi.

weird things are happening.

god, i have so much to say... but im just so tired of it all

ok so, long story short ive developed geographic tongue over the last few months because i burned my tongue really bad back in january and it just has been crazy ever since. if u dont know what GT is, its a condition where your tongue has these patches on it and for some its not painful, but for me it is. there is no known cure and doctors still dont really know anything about it... which..... makes me feel SO good. *bangs my head on a stone floor*

so ive been going through that.

and on top of that, right now im breaking out and its pretty bad and im sad about it. 

im just so shocked at this point. i mean, if u read my first forum that i posted on here, i talk about how in march of last year i took plan b and my skin went donwhill after that, and started my whole acne depression.

and here i am, one whole year, and three [email protected]#*&ng months later, still breaking out. 

I THINK THIS IS INSANE. i mean, in the beginning i remember reading posts on here about women who took plan b and still havent recovered for a year, to two years.... and i was ffffffff<ing terrified and look at me now. i literally have no words..... how one little pill. one FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF<<<<<<<><<<<<<<<<><<<IIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG LITTLE PILLLLLLLLLLLL

CAN . DO. SO . M UCH . H.A.R.M .

i can not stand BIG PHARMA. 

i can not stand these IDIOT DOCTORS who do not acknowledge the harmfulness of birth control and emergency contraception. 

I KNOW its better to take it than to end up pregnant. but guys. when i took it, i literally took it just to take it, my bf didnt finish inside me, i wasnt even near ovulation, he just teased me a bit with his thing (dont wana use dirty words on here cause i already have two warnings and dont wana get deleted), and i was NOT educated on the menstrual cycle and how girls can not get pregannt every day of their cycle, i thought because he teased me for a second when i was nowhere near ovulation, that i needed to take PLAN B when in reality i did not need that ISH AT ALL. 

so now here i am.......... my birthday was yesterday. turned 19. not happy about getting older one bit. 

sometimes i think about turning back time to when i was 17, in senior year of highschool. it was wintertime, i was pale, slightly chubby. i wore my straightened black hair in a middle part every day. i loved my black topshop jeans and platform black boots. i wore my black leather jacket with my giant soft green scarf every day. my main worry was getting my mascara to not clump, and what funny thing i should post next on my finsta. i had no worries or cares in the world. school was an easy piece of ish, my tongue didnt look like something out of american horror story, and my skin was, well, porcelain. 

 

but... i didnt have my boyfriend- and i didnt have our love. 

and i didnt have the knowledge and wisdom i have today. 

i was a mere child, even though i liked to believe i had everything figured out. 

everything i went through literally turned me into someone so much more loving, open, grateful, and my relationship with my family, especially my mom, did a 180. i talk to her about everything now and feel closer to my family than i ever did. 

i just get remided of those worthless and horrible feelings when i break out, though, and every time i think im over it, im not. 

and this ish with my tongue just pushes me over the edge, you know?

like its not only one thing im worrying about, now i have two things on my plate and neither are easy fixes. 

im just going to pray, i'm tired. 



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