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winter girl

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Hey people i have to refrain from using words like b*tchez n f*~k because ive already gotten two warnings from the site 

ok so, i had a good few months. 

started eating everything again. gained 20 pounds. yes. 20 pounds, which i am not the least bit upset about. I wanted to gain weight, and i felt so good these past three-ish months because of that. Ive been genuinely happy, eating whatever the f**k i wanted.

now this week, i guess i over did it... let see, three nights ago i ate...

  • three- no FOUR- pieces of bread with butter. 
  • two more pieces of bread with tons and tons of salami and pepperoni on them ( ive been eating a ton of pepperoni lately)
  • two packets of chocolate chip little bites

im going to try really hard to keep eating what i want (because im much happier now), and not let this get in my head, but I did over do it right? i read that cured meats like peppeoni and salami can do that to you, along with a little too much dairy. ive also been drinking more milk lately i think one or two cups a week is ok for me but ive been drinking it almost every day

and three days ago, the day before my acne flared up bad, i had a huge fight with my family, it was loud, it was physical, it was ugly. (quarantine will do that to u, right?)

so my stress levels were extremely high that day and kind of the day after

so three days ago, after the fight and after eating CRAP, i woke up to a bunch of medium sized, flesh-colored bumps on my forehead. I was like... what the **** is this? they all just came, overnight. 

so i started getting all stressed out again and stuff, and its really annoying cause i cant pop these f***rs!!!!!!!!! theyre like, not even pimples, but theyre definitely there, like its not in my head, they are noticeable and there were so many of them! 

its so hard to describe, i dont have a photo rn but its just like a lot of texture- and theyre not small bumps like milia, its larger bumps with no head and they dont stick out that much either they are blended in my skin but theyre still bumpy. 

so anyways, i tried poking them and sh*t but nothing was coming out and ive been putting a ton of salicylic acid and BP on it (too much i would say) the past two days but they wouldnt budge, so thats why today i picked at them. 

i literally dont know where im going with this, i guess i just wanted this to be an update or maybe i just want someone to comment something helpful, i dont know. 

im just annoyed, i cried a lot yesterday.

but i realized, im not who i was a few months ago. things are different, and i can get through this. i will not fall apart again. 

my bangs have grown out, i barely wore them, when the whole purpose of cutting them was to cover my acne. 

maybe this time ill cut them again and ill just wear them. like, i just feel so tired, im tired of searching things to help with it im just tired. 

If i do cut them this time i will do a better job, and i will have my mom help. (not like last time, when it was an hour before i had to leave for school, and i was home alone, in my bathroom, holding children scissors). 

sigh,

whatever. 

3 Comments


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Lastimosamente no te puedo ayudar, he probado muchas cosas y nada parece ayudarme, he perdido mucho tiempo de mi vida sabes y aun tengo cierta esperanza, perdi a la chica que me gusta, perdi a amigos... Te entiendo completamente como te sientes :u...

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Te sonara raro, pero me parece interesante tu blog, quizas por que me identifico mucho con el, se cómo te sientes, asi me siento yo..., aqui me tendrás leyendo cada entrada que pongas y poniéndole uno que otro comentario

Edited by Bryan Trejos
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hello bryan, i really appreciate your comments! i am sorry that youre going through this, but i am glad to have made you feel less alone... im also glad that there is someone else who understands

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