ive been crying for 8 months straight.
this is the third entry for tonight, i am just so tired.
i remember a few months ago i was feeling this way and i tried to get in contact with the national suicide hotline. i waited for an hour, never got connected to anyone. i really needed someone then. maybe i need someone now. i just dont even know how i would attempt to describe, to a therapist, the fact that my depression solely exists because of my acne. the fact that i have self harmed and attempted suicide a short while ago, because of my acne. i am embarrassed to say those things aloud. my mom and sister are the only ones who know about that part of me. i know its been hard on them too, having to pick me up from breaking down hundreds of times over these past months. i hate this feeling. i want to be happy, so bad, this is just so hard. i feel so stuck in this place. i wonder what will set me free. self love, confidence, acceptance, probably. but those are things i just cant seem to grasp. if miracles exist, i wish to accept and love myself with acne.
all i have left to say is "why?"
why this much pain?
there has been so much of it. so much. i am surprised i am still here, to be honest.
all of this, i know i will look back on and it will make me feel sick, but i will appreciate the happy moments more, i will be thankful that i had survived this.
i just dont know when i will be able to "look back" at this era of my life. i am still in it. i am still in this hell. i am trying to get out.