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Day 71 - shmooooodd

I realized that I didn't post nearly as often last round of accutane (lol I just told my computer to add this word to dictionary bc its such a huge part of my vocab that I have to use so often now). I posted maybe 7 times up until day 40 then the day of my last pill. Am I handling this round differently? Different schedule? I think I feel the need to document this round as best as possible just in case I end up taking acc a third facking time and need to remember what side effects are normal, not, and how to deal. I sometimes have doubts that this second round will even work for me. I think its just because I have feel-good days and feel-bad days. My sane mind is 95% sure it will work a second time because c'mon I'm not that chemically and biologically different than I was 3 years ago. the laws of science haven't changed too much as far as I know. I also got paranoid bc I saw a post from another girl who seemed to be in the exact same situation but not seeing results her second round. good luck to her that things look brighter soon. I also have nightmares.

this post is about mood. I'm not a very emotional person. I'm very in control of my feelings. Last round of accutane the only mood effects I had was fatigue and some irritability the last 2-3 months, from what I remember -- i could be forgetting something that I didn't document. never anything close to depression or suicide for sure. This round of accutane seems a little different, moodwise. again, nothing like depression or suicide. some days I just feel down, lonely, frustrated, and almost like I could cry, and I can't even put my fingers on why, which is very weird for me. I attribute it to just being fed up with being ugly. I also can't rule out all other factors like just getting into a new relationship and my period. It doesn't always align with my period, but I can easily blame it on period instead of accutane right now. idk there's so many other factors that can affect mood (for example I always feel better when I workout in the morning, and I didn't get to do that today). or just being an adult and going through changes, ya know? things are sort of going on at work, so that could contribute.

sigh I just needed to make a diary entry today. forgot to take a progress pic. listening to music typically makes me feel better.


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