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Skin Frustration and Vitamin A

This year, I've become increasingly frustrated with my acne since it has started appearing more frequently in strange places - like my forearms, hands, fingers, and stomach.  While in the past I put my acne concerns on the back burner, recent events have made fighting this acne a much higher priority.

It's at least somewhat socially acceptable to have acne on the face - or on the back and chest - but not other weird places.  It's just scary and frustrating to think that I might not have any clear skin whatsoever.  Facial acne is at least somewhat socially acceptable, and back and chest acne can be hidden with clothes, but what about areas that can't be hidden?  It's as if acne is determined to win this fight.  It's as if it's trying to give me a clear signal that I am not allowed to have any clear skin - and that my social and employment prospects are dead.  Having face and back acne all these years wasn't enough, so it had to spread to my whole body.  When I was young, I was normal and healthy.  Not so anymore.  By spreading to my whole body, it's almost as if acne is erasing my very existence.  I doubt that I can be accepted in society without looking at least somewhat healthy.  When I was young and healthy, I had prospects, but I've feared that those prospects would become non-existant if my acne spread to my whole body - and became particularly severe.

My acne spreading is especially scary because I've feared that this would be permanent.  With the exception of my forehead, once my acne has established itself in a certain place, it's there to stay.  I cannot get rid of it.  So imagine being stuck with acne on the forearms, hands, and stomach the rest of my life.  It's just absolutely horrible.  It's horrible to imagine not having a single square inch of clear skin - having absolutely no way to cure it - and having potentially diminished social and employment prospects as a result.

Anyway, as it started getting out of control, I started more actively seeking solutions to cure - or at least control - my acne.  I first looked into benzoyl peroxide - but eventually became skeptical since I had sometimes used hand sanitizer with 70% ethyl alcohol, and I still got pimples where I rubbed the sanitizer.  It seemed to have no effect whatsoever.  I think that I had seen some posts on this forum - saying that hand sanitizer was just as good - if not better than - benzoyl peroxide.  If true, then if hand sanitizer didn't work, then why would benzoyl peroxide be any different?

Then, I became interested in spearmint tea to lower my testosterone (yes, I'm a guy, and I think that my acne is hormone-related).  However, as of now, I haven't yet tried it.

Recently, I became interested in Vitamin A supplements because I had heard that Accutane is basically a form of Vitamin A.  I had been on Accutane, and it was only one of two drugs that had any significant effect on my acne (the other was doxycycline).  Accutane worked great for me, but my acne gradually came back after I stopped taking it.  If Accutane was a form of Vitamin A, then "normal" Vitamin A might work similarly.

Finally, after putting it off for a long time, I bought some Spring Valley Vitamin A supplements a few days ago.  I took my first softgel pill on October 25th at around 4:00 PM.  Each pill supposedly has 8,000 IU of Vitamin A, and I was aware of the potential toxicity that could arise from taking too much Vitamin A.

More than two days later, and so far, the results have been inconclusive.  A number of pimples on my back and chest have hardened, but the ones on my back were like that BEFORE taking Vitamin A, so I don't know if Vitamin A really has been helping - or if my body is just continuing the process that took place before taking Vitamin A.  In any case, I've still gotten a few small pimples on my upper arms and stomach, and I've had some cysts on my face that haven't gone away.  I realize that I shouldn't expect results overnight since, when I was on Accutane, it took a few weeks before my skin got clear, but I would think that I would at least not get any new little pimples.

Due to this lack of definite effect - and my skin gradually getting worse, I've felt so frustrated.  There just seems to be nothing that I can do.  The worst part is that I'm getting acne in places that I can't easily hide.  What am I supposed to do - wear long-sleeved shirts and gloves in the boiling-hot summer?  Given the fact that nothing seems to help my acne, I've resigned to the fact that I might have to.

Yesterday, I tried some Neutrogena SkinClearing Complexion Perfector to experiment with hiding the spots on my stomach - and some scars on my right thumb and forearm.  I really wanted to get some Dermablend, but people were coming in and out of the makeup aisle, and it was embarrassing being there, so I eventually just grabbed something to experiment with.  It didn't blend perfectly with my skin, but I didn't care since I just wanted something to hide the horrible red spots.  I was fairly satisfied with it on my stomach, but my forearm was a different story.  The Neutrogena seemed like it wouldn't dry well, and it probably wouldn't be as durable as the Dermablend that I wanted, but I felt that I could still have problems with Dermablend, too.  I've decided that if I ever permanently got acne on my hands, I'd just have to wear gloves.  Makeup for the hands just isn't practical.  My skin is so pathetic.

As far as I'm concerned, my natural, organic skin doesn't exist anymore.  It's dead, pathetic, and useless to me.  I've written it off.  It's too far gone.  As far as I'm concerned, my clothes are my real skin.  That's sad.

It's sad to think that my clothes make a better skin than my real skin.  My real skin is living supposed to be durable - and able to protect itself against the environment.  But it can't.  My skin is just a weak, broken, and worthless organ.  I wish that I could beat the ever-living crap out of it and destroy it.  I wish that I could teach it a lesson for being such a worthless piece of crap and make it wish that it never existed.  I wish that I could trade it in for some REAL skin that wouldn't be so weak and pathetic.  But for now, I just have my clothes.  My clothes make a better skin than my real skin.  They don't get pimples - but my real skin does get pimples - and can't get rid of them.  That is so pathetic.

I'm sorry for ranting, but I just really am frustrated with my skin since I've been getting acne (yes, I do think it's actual acne) in weird places.  I intend to try Vitamin A a while longer - and maybe some other things, but I am also prepared to just give up on my so-called skin and cover it up almost completely.  However, I hope that I can find a real solution for my acne.



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