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Another week - another cycle of depression



It's been as week since I updated last time. Actually I felt pretty okay about my face during the day - I guess the tinted sunscreen did hide some of my acne really nicely. However, I was literally looking at hell's pit after I took off the sunscreen with make-up remover. Every single acne mark, active spot, and pinkish-turning-to-cyst-like bump looked so, so bad. I have at least 3 cysts on my chin, 2 on my left cheek, and 3 along my nose right now. I also have a ton of acne marks and whiteheads on my forehead, and along my jawline. I look like a mess.
I started researching on accutane as soon as I got out of the bathroom. I've been on a strict diet, a bunch of supplements, and this Chinese herbal medicine, and birth control pills for 2 months now. Pretty  much nothing has changed. I literally got 4 new breakouts during these past 2 days and I have no idea what I did wrong. I am seriously thinking about taking accutane...I'm so scared. I hate my face. I hate thinking that I'm ugly and that my face looks disgusting. I hate waking up and running to the mirror and seeing new, giant breakouts on my face. I am so tired of pretending that I don't care, that I am confident, that I am comfortable the way my skin is... 
I am not okay. I am so tired. I've tried literally everything but accutane. This seems to be my last resort, but I am scared of all the possible side effects. My health is kind of brittle the way it is, and I have no way of foreseeing how my body is  going to react to accutane. 
Sorry friends. I'm making no sense even to myself right now. I need to calm down and chill with some music. Will update maybe in less than a week to see how things go... 


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