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A minor mental breakdown

HarleyZ

595 views

So it's been about 10 days since I truly started healing acne naturally. I swear it got better for a few days, and today, bam - tens of pimples on my chin, so many whiteheads popped up on my left cheek, and a bunch whiteheads on my forehead. Maybe it's the stress? The two cups of coffee I had yesterday and today? I vegetable oil I cooked with today? I don't know... all of a sudden my face feels painful to touch again, and I look absolutely detestable. 
I know that lows are to be expected. Sometimes I just find it extremely hard to deal with. I've sacrificed my social life so much. Now because I've adopted this crazy vegetarian diet without any food that could possibly irritate my gut, I can't even go to restaurants with friends or study in a coffee house anymore - my only means of socialization, gone. I make my own food three times a day, and lock myself up in my room to get work done. 
During the past few days, I had the illusion that my acne was getting better. I even went to the gym and sweat as I used to years ago - a true luxury. Now I feel like hiding away again. I hate looking into the mirror, but I can't help but staring at my face whenever I walk past the bathroom. I hate this.
Never coffee again. Never vegetable oil again. Stick to the diet. At least when it went wrong, I can tell myself that it was not me. It was just my body acting against me for no reason. "This will pass soon." said mom. No mom. This is the genetics that I got from you and dad. You both had bad acne 20-something years ago. It has nothing to do with my way of life. I can become a vegan bodybuilder who never drinks/smokes even stays up late, but still have this ugly face... Don't tell me this is going to be alright. You don't know that.
Enough rant. 



3 Comments


I feel you. I ate pizza yesterday and one piece of cake. Woke up with 3 new breakouts... i feel so so sick and bad, i hardly know how i can explain. Caffeine is known to cause breakouts, so it might be because of that. If it was the oil, start using olive oil, it is the healthiest oil out there and most likely doesnt affect acne. I am starting to dislike my life due to acne. I hope it is gone in a few months, i cant live this way... people cry about having a pimple for 3 days and here look at us... they never fade away...

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@Adeel2111 This is so true. I miss having cream cheese on bagels, or pizza, or, steak, or pasta, or ice cream, or milkshake, or French fries, or maybe even just a warm glass of milk with sugar cookies. Food was my only console. Now there's no more comfort food. There's only green veggies and water and limited types of fruits that make me sick. You know, the worst of all is that you don't know what exactly you are doing wrong. Everyone else is having a blast at a dinner party, whereas you are just carefully removing pieces of cheese from your salad and telling people that you can't drink when beautiful cocktails are offered. It's possible to be positive every once in a while, but to stay positive and not care about the visible blemishes on your face is so difficult...
Hugs. 

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I truly agree with you. I am a food lover myself but now... i cant even look at food, it makes me feel sick. Whenever i eat something "unhealthy" i breakout badly. Food used to be something i loved... Now food is something i hate. Whenever i think of milkshakes, cookies, pizzaes, burgers and all that.. i feel disgusting. Not cuz its fatty foods, but cuz of my face. I have no idea whats wrong with me... My friends eat so much junk and drink so much soda... im here trying to swallow 3 liters of water everyday... id just wish this didnt affect my the way it does... whenever i talk to somebody and i look at their eyes... guess what they look at? Even my teachers... And the feeling i get whenever it happens... feels like its just better to jump out of 10th floor.
Remember, you are not alone... Many people are with you, if not, atleast i am!
Tight hugs :) 

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