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A new regimen...I don't know where this is going

HarleyZ

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Of course my mother took me to a doctor who practices traditional Chinese medicine. He wrote me a prescription consisted of more than ten herbal medicines, and asked me to drink it twice a day. It's been only two days, and my jawline is covered with new whiteheads. I'm 90% sure that all this came from the medicine I've been taking. "It's purging." Said my mom. Oh my god I don't even know. My mom for sure doesn't know. She trusts that doctor. She said the medicine will help me get rid of the toxin that has been building up in my body by purging it out of my "weak" spots. Great. When will it stop? Will those tens of whiteheads eventually turn into giant cysts? How the fuck does the medicine work exactly? There's no answer. My mom got upset because I felt uneasy about my new breakout. She said something like, I spent so much money and effort on your face can you just put away your attitude and be happy? 
HOW COULD I? It is literally making my skin worse.... and I can't stop because it's only the 3rd day. I can't imagine what my face would look like in a week. I don't even want to think. 
Every time this happens I would think to myself what my life would be like if my face was clear. I'm not even dreaming about smooth, crystal clear. I just want some-what clear. I wouldn't mind three pimples here and there from time to time. I just don't want a face covered with literally more than 30 whiteheads all over the place... I get stared at in public. I'm a woman in her 20s. I have self-esteem.
I've been extremely socially-withdrawn throughout my college years due to my bad skin. I never go out on weekends. I don't wear make-up, drink, smoke, or even stay up late. I live the healthiest life a college kid can afford, and yet I have a skin condition that make people question my lifestyle - do you eat a lot of junk food? Do you drink too much coffee? Do you stay up too late? Do you....not have a boyfriend? Yeah thanks for getting the last one correct. I hate it when some girl with clear skin says to me with pity: aw don't worry I used to have bad skin as yours but it somehow got better. Like that would help. I've been fighting acne since the age of 13. I don't even remember feeling beautiful and confident. You tell me this is monster that I've been fighting against for 10 years will somehow go away on its own soon? That would take a miracle.
Anyway, I'm depressed, and I can't talk about it at home. I don't have any friend with the same problem so I can't really talk to my friends either. This site is my only comfort zone. I just want to hide and sink into a coma and wake up with perfect skin some years later. 
Life is unfair. 
 



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I am so sorry for hearing that. Although, your situation is allright, it's not so bad as  you think it is. The part of going out in public and getting stared at sucks, at that moment I just want to dissapear. I truly understand your feelings. People whom havent been in this situation cant relate to it which means they dont know how it feels. Im glad this website exists, it reminds me of I am not the only one, so arent you! 

Hey, the part of more zits popping is allright. Pretty much every effective acne treatment works like this. You get a lot of acne when you start the medicine and after a few weeks it gets better - it is normal. Do not worry too much, it will get better, my promis! 
I wish you best of luck and remember, you are stronger than acne!

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33 minutes ago, Adeel2111 said:

I am so sorry for hearing that. Although, your situation is allright, it's not so bad as  you think it is. The part of going out in public and getting stared at sucks, at that moment I just want to dissapear. I truly understand your feelings. People whom havent been in this situation cant relate to it which means they dont know how it feels. Im glad this website exists, it reminds me of I am not the only one, so arent you! 

Hey, the part of more zits popping is allright. Pretty much every effective acne treatment works like this. You get a lot of acne when you start the medicine and after a few weeks it gets better - it is normal. Do not worry too much, it will get better, my promis! 
I wish you best of luck and remember, you are stronger than acne!

I almost cried as I was reading your comment. Thank you so much. This is exactly what I need. You know, I believe that people with acne are actually more trustworthy and understanding than people without, because we know that physical flaws do not say anything about an individual's personality.  I will stay strong. Life is for sure more than just feeling sad about acne. Will keep searching for a cure that suits me. 
Again, thank you for being supportive. I hope you find your cure soon, too.

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@HarleyZ 
Emotions are always driving trough with acne. It is insane. Dont get sad because of this hahaha, your tears are sure worth more! I just dont understand how messed up I have been in my head lately. Now, as I have vacation my friends are outside and they want me to join.. How can I? Since last month I havent found peace around me, even though my friends and family support me. I do not have INSANE acne, but I have a hugeeeee cyst or whatever it is called on my right cheek (Thankfully my left chin is fully cleared). Even though it is nothing much but it gets my emotions for sure. I am just afraid to mess up my future because of this. I havent done it good at school this semester because of this.. If it continues I will pretty much mess up myself. Hopefully it gets better so I actually can start doing things I would have done without this fucking face. I have never been attractive before in my life. I have been overweight af since I was a baby till I turned 15 (Lost 15kg in short period). When I lost quite much fat but there was still some more. I started to workout at gym and when I was 16 I relaised my look has changed, not the old me... Finally my confidence increased.. Now as I am 17 my confidence is back to track, where it belongs. Fuck sake! Honestly I have experienced being fat and acne. I much rather be fat because I will be able to lose weight than having acne and dont even know what I am doing with my life... 

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@Adeel2111
I can totally relate. Obesity can be overcome as long as one controls diet and does exercises. However, acne is pretty much impossible to "control" because you never know what's causing it. Every breakout may be different. I hate it when people recommend to me this cream or that wash and say something like, this is how I/my boyfriend/my mother cursed acne. Yeah but I'm not you/your boyfriend/your mother. I feel really sorry about you feeling unattractive, especially after considering yourself a handsome dude for a while. Don't stop looking for a cure...even though it seems virtually impossible at this point. You are not going through this alone:). 

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@HarleyZ 
Oh, those recommends are just annoying. By the way can you tell me what products you have tried in past? Have you tried antibiotics? I am now on antibiotics and my acne seems a little better to be honest. And do you have like huge cysts? I do and its been there for like a week or two and I have no clue how it heal it.. I heard using aloe vera gel is pretty good for that, bakingsoda with toothpaste too and that tree oil thingy is good too.. I am just afraid to try anything to make it even worse but aloe vera sounds pretty safe. May I ask you your age? If it is between 13-20 then it might be hormonal acne which will fade away anytime but if its adult acne (+25) then treatments might be the only solution for acne. 

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@Adeel2111
I have not tried antibiotics, because I know that once my body gets used to it, whatever effects it used to have are very likely to wear off, plus it kills good bacteria as well. I don't have huge cysts anymore - I used to have a lot of them, but the combination of birth control and BP somehow helped me get rid of those. Because you're a dude you can't take birth control, but I really recommend the regimen (BP) introduced by this company Acne.org. I had to stop using it because at one point I developed allergy towards it, but before that I think it is fair to say that it worked kind of well. 
I am 21. The old cysts I used to get were caused by hormonal imbalance, but right now those whiteheads that cover my face are not. It's more like stress- and diet-related...but it's just my postulation. Sigh. I've already eliminated so many foods I love. I rarely go to restaurants for fear that some unknown ingredients may trigger a massive breakout. Have you been following a strict diet? Are you considering taking accutane, the demonic miracle drug?

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Thanks for your opinion, I will check that out! 
Stress and diet are the most common reasons for breakouts. Doctors will say that the food you eat has nothing to do with your skin but thats false. Try to avoid oily food and food which is high in fat such as pizza. Avoid chocolate, candy, chips and all that stuff and never eat fast food. These things will make you break out badly! I am trying my best to avoid oily food and stuff but its not easy since my mom is the one who makes the food. Hahah even though my acne might be hormonal (age 17) sadly no birthcontrol for me. 
Honestly the thing I am struggling with is my right cheek. Ive got one huge cyst and 2-3 red spots there while rest of my face is pretty good.. I doubt its worth risking so much and go for accutane for "only" that. Since yesterday ive put a adhesive plaster on that spot (it is freaking embaressing) but my face looks atleast normal with it. I much rather go with that than showing people the new planet bigger than jupiter on my face (its not that big tbh haha). 
Antibioitcs are indeed nothing good but since I am not super struggling or something id say its allright. I wont be on it for a long period so it does the work it does. I had some insanse side effects with antibiotics the first week, holy it was insane week. Now the side effects are more emotionally. I have never been depressed or anything before but now I think I am starting to feel it. I get thoughts ive never even thought of before, its scary to be honest. 

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