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The pain is unbearable

HarleyZ

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I went to a beauty salon today to get my whiteheads extracted. I know that with proper equipments, you can do it at home, but I was so worried that I'd make mistakes and make my face look even worse. The lady at the salon really hurt the hell out of me. She managed to get those white heads out of my skin, but afterwards my face is covered with red angry marks that sting like a mofo. She told me that I produce too much oil, and the way to deal with it is to keep it moisturized - like I don't already fucking know! The problem is that I have school during the day and it's impossible to apply toner+moisturizer every 30 fucking minutes! I don't understand why those people who work at beauty salons assume that people don't have anything else going on besides caring for their acne... 

I don't know what to feel every morning when I look into the mirror. I go to bed every night hoping that my face would look better next day, that this and that whitehead would disappear after a good night's sleep, but it never happens. I get new pimples everyday. My mom said if I get a boyfriend, my skin will get much better. "It's all about having a balanced hormone." She said. But how in the hell could I find someone with this acne-littered face? I rarely talk to people outside of the classroom, or hang out with people for fun. I'd rather stay by myself most of the time because this is the only way that I don't feel nervous about my skin. I don't believe that guys would want to get to know me after seeing my face, despite the fact that I am a nice person. Sigh. 

This is the beginning of my 4th month on Mononessa. I don't know how long it si going to take for me to get clear. Maybe I will be stuck with this face forever...? 



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In addition to that, I just want to rant about the society's beauty standards. People worship flawless skin, I get it, but why bully people who suffer from acne? The society does not see it as a real problem, and many people who clear skin find it totally okay to make fun of people with acne. I'd trade anything for clear skin, because I was bullied so much because of my blemished face. I hate my skin. I get angry every time I see actresses with perfect skin on TV...why do they deserve to be beautiful and happy? I can't even go out and enjoy myself... I quit so many foods I used to love, just because I suspected that they'd make my acne worse. I cannot go to the pool. I cannot go to the beach. I cannot even date a guy anymore...just because so many people managed to convince me that I AM UGLY! UGLY! With a face covered with acne... 
I just want to feel beautiful again. Oh my god I sound so shallow and dumb, but...

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