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end of 5th week...with regimen



i can't even look myself in the mirror anymore. i face got slightly burnt from applying too much BP. i thought applying more than the usually amt may help me get rid of my new cysts faster. but in the morning after i woke up i still had this cluster of painful red cysts... and the cluster seems to be spreading. now the left side of my face looks like hell. has the BP stopped working? what the hell is wrong with my face? i have not changed anything in my facial care routine...if anything i've only become more careful and been using more treatment. 
i am so stressed. i asked on the forum but i guess people just got tired of me. no one relies. this one girl talked about her own experience but she's been clear for years now. she had her worse breakout in 4th and 5th week, just as i am experiencing right now. but i got clear! completely clear last week! i don't understand why this is happening to me and i just need to get the distress out here. this is so disconcerting. it's getting worse everyday and how can i not think about it when i know that every moment it gets more irritated?! 
maybe i should go on accutane. i don't want to at all because of all the side effects. what else could i do? i don't want to feel ugly for the rest of my life. i hate looking like this. i hate having to worry about my acne first thing in the morning. i hate walking out of the door pretending to be confident. seriously how can i feel good about myself when one side of my face looks like shit? 
i need to stop now. i'm a little beyond myself. can't let this affect my work today. gotta get my shit together and run to the lab.
i really hope that this is just a phase. i really hope that two weeks from now i can look back at this post and laugh. 
we'll see.


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