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Vent

Lore91

224 views

and just having to deal wth it. After I went to a dance college to persue my passion for performing. I trained day and night, but again...the small factor always lived up to it's name, but his time along with other stuff. I was told I was too skinny, too small. A ballet teacher once made me and another guy (was was very muscular) do a certain excercise - and I did it better...but guess what? Even proving myself wasn't enough. The teacher turns around to the muscular guy and goes "He jumped higher than you, and look at the size of /him/ compared to you.

I think the low point came when I was told I was too skinny and short to work by an agent. I would cry constanty. I wouldn't get cast in anything or any roles because of my height and looks.

But...like the small thing in primary/secondary school, I pushed through it and graduated. I ended up getting some nice jobs and working, finally getting over the small thing...heck, I actually ENJOY being small now. I've gotten all of my jobs BECAUSE I'm small, and I've had some fantastic work....

And then my skin flared up. Bad. It came up after a very bad and stressful time in my life, and has persisted and goten worse ever since. Sure...I don't have the most severe acne in the world, but it's bad. I cry everyday, I've written a suicide note before in the past. I have seb derm on my cheeks/nose, and acne and scarring on my face, back and neck. My face is the worst and, after a failed course of roaccutane, I am now at a loss. Nothing ever seems to work.

I don't know how much lower my self-worth can get. I've hated myself since I was 5 fucking years old, and have always been told how different I was from everyone else. You'd think God or someone would give me a break. Just let me live my life. I want to just look in the mirror and feel contempt. When my accutane cleared me I was ecstatic. I was back to the person I was meant to be...and then it all came back.

My skin has controlled me, it's destroyed so many factors in my life. I'd be a completely different person if it wasnt for my skin. I never go out, I never see anyone. I'm fed up of looking in the mirror and just hating myself. No-one else seems to have it around me. I know people who do hardcore drugs but still have flawless skin.

One year ago today I was on accutane and hopeful. Now, here I am, one year later hysterically crying into my laptop as I type out this fucking miserable post.

I don't think I could pray any harder.



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5714c40246fc6_photo(1).thumb.JPG.b437e30010.thumb.JPG.ae3b4769e693a238b590eaf2c1Maybe I shouldn't be writing as men don't do emotions quite so good as women,but thought that if you hear about someone who is worse off than yourself appearance and height wise, 30 years ago my wife had surgery for cancer,they cut away her cheekbone,eye,roof of her mouth,took out her teeth but decided to leave her nose maybe thats why she died a year later.As for height my daughter is 4' 10" and has a brilliant,dynamic personality,if a teacher had ever ridiculed her he would have been swung violently around the class,I am fuming what your teacher once said and it's not just words I get very protective over her,I suppose anger and excessive adrenaline when I see a bully.
She can suffer from huge cystic spots but already knew how to prevent them.
I personally think small is beautiful and have never had a wife or girlfriend who was tall,just find it a turn off.

Anyway have posted a couple of photos of her,well she makes me smile !!!!!!!!!! 

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