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bibz's Blog

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Day One Of Self-Acceptance

bibz

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Earlier today I was contemplating life and I came to the realization that I need to accept myself for who I am and everything else about me, including my acne. I do not know if what got me thinking this way was spending two hours with my mom at the grocery store or just eating healthier and doing my best to stay positive and prevent stress. I think that make-up is a huge confidence boost for me and it will always be. I hate to admit it, but I relied on it too much in the past to the point that it masked my acne relatively well. Now, make-up is just a confidence boost. I cannot change the reality of having acne and carrying the physical scars along with it. Yes, getting zits is embarrassing, but it is somewhat temporary. It just sucks when acne takes so long too go away and leaves your skin damaged. So, now what? I could spend the little money I have to try every single acne scar removal system out there and go to a dermatologist to get chemical peels or laser treatments, and I am planning to do all that, but for me what it is important is that I get my acne under control.

Thankfully, my face has cleared to about 90% clear. The huge problem areas are no longer inflamed. I still get clogged pores and have oily skin, but my huge problem is acne scarring. It is so frustrating to carry those spots on my face. To wake-up each morning and know that even though the day can be an amazing one I still have to face my own reflection. Other people might not understand, since I cover up with make-up. Yet, this is what I have to carry on the daily basis, which is why self-acceptance is crucial in my journey to clear skin. I cannot pretend and say that once I have flawless skin I will be happy, because happiness is internal. Still, I cannot say that I am happy now about the condition about my skin, so I need to be accepting of myself for who I am now. My family does not understand. It isn't as simple as going to the dermatologist to get my skin treatment for the scarring. This is about feeling awful when others see me without makeup, almost as if I am not worthy of being looked at. It is weird, because i am not trying to be superficial and this sounds like it. I just want to not have to hide behind make-up anymore. My acne is pretty much healing and the worst is over. The inflammation is completely gone, yet things are not picture perfect.



1 Comment


Hi To All Cystic Acne Fellow Members,

I had generalized acne age 12, 13, 14, etc...in grade school very oily skin. I was told by teachers "Quit eating potato chips" . I was embarassed daily called names the whole thing. Then , in 11th grade wallah, no acne, no zits!! Wow!! Was I becoming okay to look at I thought to myself.

Then, came the terrible day, an underground zit so I thought in my upper right cheek. Went to a regular M.D., he lanced it to find out I now was the unhappy owner of cystic acne. So, here I am , looking okay now age 49, still have cystic acne. Rare breakouts, some scars, not terrible, not fun either.

What I am realizing now, I smoked cigarettes since age 9. Yes 9. I began getting breakouts soon after, thinking normal kid stuff. Now, trying to quit or adopt the electric vape cigs on the market, I think now...I am sure, they are related. Somehow, after all articles read, all 'coincidences' aside, smoking contains so much poision, how can it not be a cause of cysts in skin.

I'm so darn ashamed of not looking into my smoking as a cause by now. I should have known, now reading into all cigarettes contain in them, wow!!!! So it is written, so it is done in my case. I went through countless antibiotics, creams, acid treatments, punch biopsy to fix pock marks , 'Ice pick' scarring. I tried accutane, began hearing voices.!!! I am lucky to have survived that one.

All in all Oxy 10 type medications worked for surface issues. Dr. after Dermatologist, "We don't know what causes it". You could stop getting breakouts when you go through a pregnancy, or during menopause. LOL, menopause???? Wow, guess what, I never had kids, now I am in menopause...no big breakouts for a few yrs. However, I have bacteria trapped under scar tissue to this day. They also said it could be heritary. Wow, all these cures for all things, and none so sure as daily achievements in Cystic Acne. Oh well, good luck to all you sufferers, I believe quitting cigarettes is the best idea yet. Just saying, after my long, agonizing 40 years smoking and still having issues with acne at 49, if you can make it through acne, you can quit smoking, I hope. Thanks for supportive articles and information on this topic, much appreciated.

Crysalis

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