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Acne Is A Cruel Joke, I Want To Die.



This is gonna be long one, so those who are patient enough can read. But i would rather say skip it, since its mostly me taking out my frustration by writing.

I am 21. 21? Huh. I always had nice beautiful skin, girls liked talking to me, you are cute, handsome, good looking. I got everything, every single compliment. I was a jerk, a real jerk. I was arrogant and thought that i am really smart and all and small things ticked me off too. But ever since turning 21 i was bombared with pus acne, i tried over the counter products for 1 week and started looking so bad that even my family members got scared by a sight of me one day. That was the worst day of my life. I had many embarrassing moments in my life, many. But i am ready to experience even 100x worse embarrassing situations than them if i could get my clear face back in return for it. I went to a dermatologist he gave me some multivitamins and amoxicillin for 2 months. Within 1 week my pus acne were gone, all that was left were bad red marks (post inflammatory hyperpigmentation). I shut myself from entire world in my room feeling sorry for myself and told everyone that i have skin infection in order to avoid any social encounters. But life isn't going to wait for me so exams started and i had to go back to college with bad hyperpigmentation on my face, interviews for internship started which i so wanted to avoid but was forced to go there since they are mandatory this year it did felt horrible since some of my friends who used to say to me that you are really good looking asking what happened to you? And calling you pimple face. I used lemon juice, honey for red marks for around month and one day i felt more burning sensation than usual with lemon and behold i got some small circular pits on my face. well when i was a teenager i was a diet freak and didn't eat much junk food. But after going to college i excercised and had junk food on a daily basis thinking that i won't get fat if i will excercise and acne started appearing. During my antibiotics phase i was eating only healthy food, fruits and non fatty food, no sugar. But one day same inflammatory pimples came and i said what the hell, if i am going to look ugly, i might as well eat what i like rather than eating those fruits and stuff that were not tasty and some of the healthy food that i had was so bad that i felt like puking while taking one bite of food. So back to the story, enough with detours, i had fatty tasty chips, rice and all fatty things. 2 months passed and i was taking my medicine. On my visit to dermatologist my mom asked him that his acne is gone for more than 2 months should we stop these medicines? He said he looks great right now but chances are they are most likely to appear soon. I took the chance and stopped my medications, since i heard that taking antibiotics for long time will do more harm than good to the body, 1 month passed without anything bad happening without my multivitamins and antibiotics and i was obsessed with small scaring that was now visible with fading of those red marks. But when i finally got over the mental trauma of those scars. New pimples came, i thought they maybe normal. But then next day few more came and next day more came, some of them turned into pus pimples. And i freaked out like hell because i know that pimples are normal but not pus ones because they gave me year long gift of red marks, year long i say is because red marks stays for months even for 1 year. I rushed to the pharmacist and got myself the same antibiotics and multivitamins since i have my internship interviews yet again so i can't meet that same dermatologist who is only available on Thursdays and Saturdays. These pimples were persistent, not going away and staying the same. But after taking the medicines they are reducing in size. Although i don't know why but i am still getting new pimples everyday, every single day. Yes i agree that for past 10 days i was eating sugary stuff and more junk food than usual. So now i am back to sqaure one with new hyperpigmentation of pimples, new pimples greeting me hello just about everyday. And i feel like shit since i don't wanna go out but this stupid mandatory internship isn't allowing me to hide in my house. I think of dying every single moment. How i curse myself on what a ignorant, bad person i was who got easily frustrated from small things and didn't cherish acne free face and thanked god for it. I hate god now, if he is there. I too want everybody around me to get acne so they can experience what it feels to be like this. I too now stare at people looking for scars and pimples on their faces which i never did when i had clear face. Acne is just wrong, really wrong. I also wish for any accident which could instantly kill me so that this suffering could just end.

Sorry for being such a brat and bad person who is nothing but a sore loser who has given up and thinks his outer appearance matters more than how he is from inside.


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You're not a 'bad person'; acne sucks, period. I've wasted hours being anxious and depressed about my appearance. As rough as it is, keep your thoughts as positive as possible. Remember, making yourself more stressed-out is making your acne worse. Take all of that alone time and turn it into something productive (learn a new skill, accomplish something rewarding, etc.), all the while chanting internally "my acne will heal" - that's your new mantra. Check out my "I'm clearing" blog, it has some lifestyle changes, etc. We all understand you here, you have a community. Take care.

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Thanks for encouragement, i am trying not to stress myself over it. But you know i was telling myself that just wait for 6 more months and all those red marks will heal and you will look good again, it's just that watching all of my wait till now and all the encouragement i gave myself felt like a waste. I don't know what's going to happen after stopping my antibiotics again. Experience tells me that evil pimples are just smiling inside and waiting for the effects of antibiotics to subside so that they can turn my face into pizza yet again. Here i go getting depressed again, i will check out your blog since you have been nice enough to suggest me something ☺

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You may want to check out something alternative like acupuncture, in addition to all lifestyle changes. I've seen improvement with this. What changed in your life recently? Do you have any idea as to what may have started your outbreak? Sometimes is stuff you'd never expect.

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I can think of 2 triggers 1) 1 month passed after stopping my antibiotics. I have heard that acne comes back after stopping antibiotics.

2) i was eating more junk food than usual for the past 10 days, drinking more milk and consuming more sugar than usual.

so i have now taken a vow that i won't eat anything bad and have dairy and gluten free diet for 6 months. I know 6 months is way too long but this time, even if i get a breakout after 1 or 2 month from now i will continue this diet for 6 months no matter what.

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Good :) It takes 3-6 months for skin to renew itself, so I think you're in the right mind-set. Think of this too: for acne sufferers like us, that don't have results with quick fixes, we get the benefit of living and maintaining a super healthful lifestyle, even if it's forcibly. To be honest, I wouldn't maintain the diet/exercise/water-drinking routine I have if it wasn't for acne....in some weird, cosmic way, acne may be saving my life (in the long run).

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Your life is much more than your skin and this is coming from someone who still has uncontrollable acne. You are loved and cherished by the people in your life and you are not alone in your struggle. In order to help your emotional state, you have to be proactive in making changes. I recommend you: Stay away from mirrors unless you have to use them to get ready Go out , especially when you feel your skin is at its worse. Once you get over the fear of people seeing you, it's like 'ok, I've done it, I lived, nothing bad happened'. Realize that people see your acne but your attitude towards it amplifies their response. Therefore if you make a big deal out of it, people will notice it more. Diet may not get rid of your acne 100% but a healthy immune system helps with healing so try your best to eat real foods most of the time, one change at a time. What's your topical routine like? Good luck guy Hugs from NY

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Thanks leelowe for support. And i am using clindamycin gel with nicotinamide. Although i don't think it helps me much. It's after taking my antibiotic that my pimples started reducing in size.

I have been given tea tree oil soap for washing my face 2 times a day.

Throughout past 1 month my skin was clear and so i wasn't using much except for this soap. And what bugs me the most is red marks aka post inflammatory hyperpigmentation. This recent breakout is really slowing down. But on my jaw where i had a really small pimple the post inflammatory hyperpigmentation i got is much more. I don't know if that dark mark is even left by acne or something entirely different has come. I don't know, do dark marks just come out of nowhere on such struggling skin or maybe i just didn't notice the size of my pimple clearly when it was there.

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I finally found the culprit for the dark marks, yesterday i had only 1 dark mark and now today i have 3 or more and all of them are of the shape of how i applied my clindamycin and nicotinamide gel. if only i stopped yesterday then these new ones wouldn't be here.

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