This is gonna be long one, so those who are patient enough can read. But i would rather say skip it, since its mostly me taking out my frustration by writing.
I am 21. 21? Huh. I always had nice beautiful skin, girls liked talking to me, you are cute, handsome, good looking. I got everything, every single compliment. I was a jerk, a real jerk. I was arrogant and thought that i am really smart and all and small things ticked me off too. But ever since turning 21 i was bombared with pus acne, i tried over the counter products for 1 week and started looking so bad that even my family members got scared by a sight of me one day. That was the worst day of my life. I had many embarrassing moments in my life, many. But i am ready to experience even 100x worse embarrassing situations than them if i could get my clear face back in return for it. I went to a dermatologist he gave me some multivitamins and amoxicillin for 2 months. Within 1 week my pus acne were gone, all that was left were bad red marks (post inflammatory hyperpigmentation). I shut myself from entire world in my room feeling sorry for myself and told everyone that i have skin infection in order to avoid any social encounters. But life isn't going to wait for me so exams started and i had to go back to college with bad hyperpigmentation on my face, interviews for internship started which i so wanted to avoid but was forced to go there since they are mandatory this year it did felt horrible since some of my friends who used to say to me that you are really good looking asking what happened to you? And calling you pimple face. I used lemon juice, honey for red marks for around month and one day i felt more burning sensation than usual with lemon and behold i got some small circular pits on my face. well when i was a teenager i was a diet freak and didn't eat much junk food. But after going to college i excercised and had junk food on a daily basis thinking that i won't get fat if i will excercise and acne started appearing. During my antibiotics phase i was eating only healthy food, fruits and non fatty food, no sugar. But one day same inflammatory pimples came and i said what the hell, if i am going to look ugly, i might as well eat what i like rather than eating those fruits and stuff that were not tasty and some of the healthy food that i had was so bad that i felt like puking while taking one bite of food. So back to the story, enough with detours, i had fatty tasty chips, rice and all fatty things. 2 months passed and i was taking my medicine. On my visit to dermatologist my mom asked him that his acne is gone for more than 2 months should we stop these medicines? He said he looks great right now but chances are they are most likely to appear soon. I took the chance and stopped my medications, since i heard that taking antibiotics for long time will do more harm than good to the body, 1 month passed without anything bad happening without my multivitamins and antibiotics and i was obsessed with small scaring that was now visible with fading of those red marks. But when i finally got over the mental trauma of those scars. New pimples came, i thought they maybe normal. But then next day few more came and next day more came, some of them turned into pus pimples. And i freaked out like hell because i know that pimples are normal but not pus ones because they gave me year long gift of red marks, year long i say is because red marks stays for months even for 1 year. I rushed to the pharmacist and got myself the same antibiotics and multivitamins since i have my internship interviews yet again so i can't meet that same dermatologist who is only available on Thursdays and Saturdays. These pimples were persistent, not going away and staying the same. But after taking the medicines they are reducing in size. Although i don't know why but i am still getting new pimples everyday, every single day. Yes i agree that for past 10 days i was eating sugary stuff and more junk food than usual. So now i am back to sqaure one with new hyperpigmentation of pimples, new pimples greeting me hello just about everyday. And i feel like shit since i don't wanna go out but this stupid mandatory internship isn't allowing me to hide in my house. I think of dying every single moment. How i curse myself on what a ignorant, bad person i was who got easily frustrated from small things and didn't cherish acne free face and thanked god for it. I hate god now, if he is there. I too want everybody around me to get acne so they can experience what it feels to be like this. I too now stare at people looking for scars and pimples on their faces which i never did when i had clear face. Acne is just wrong, really wrong. I also wish for any accident which could instantly kill me so that this suffering could just end.
Sorry for being such a brat and bad person who is nothing but a sore loser who has given up and thinks his outer appearance matters more than how he is from inside.