(Bare in mind the photo above ^ is with makeup and good lighting. To see my skin without makeup go on my previous blog post)
So how do I say this without sounding conceded, I am an average person I would say physically. I am not a "unattractive person" per say. However, facing moderate to mild acne for a couple years now has really affected my personal views on myself. From someone who was very comfortable in herself to some extent I went from trying being happy with myself to avoiding eye contact. I find myself now analysing other people's skin and maybe this is because I find comfort in seeing others flaws as I won't feel as alone in my own problem..
I also find myself in complete awe of people who have absolutely clear skin! And I can say I'm very jealous and sometimes bitter. Why was I cursed with such skin? My friends all have amazing skin and for that I am resentful. My acne is not to anyone's fault but this is a constant thought process I have with myself. I found myself very emotional and having constant breakdowns about my skin. I started cancelling plans very often and found myself at home more. I couldn't bare to go out with the way I looked. Even in school I remember once my skin was so bad ( well in my mind ), I went in half way through the day as I had to mentally prepare myself and calm down. I would cover my mirrors and avoid them at all costs or just constantly be in front of one counting or looking intensely at my spots. My life is not bad but facing a few tragedies did make me a bit more emotional and prone to these breakouts however I think this is how my depression began. My depression is not diagnosed by a doctor but in my opinion I think I do have it. I am a very specific person and very critical when it comes to myself and this has resulted in me being self destructive.
Many people do not understand acne if they have not faced it. So I often found myself apologising if I didn't have make-up on or hiding my face with my hair. Sad that our society has put this pressure on us. Sad that I put this pressure on myself. My views on this are not filtered correctly. I believe truly if I have clear skin I will be happy. And it's true I am happy when I have good skin days and feel confident and my makeup applies well. This makes me happy. Confidence is key. But the emotional scars I left on my self will be around long after the physical scars of acne will. Well this is my current story there is no end to it. Just for other people although I cannot take this advice myself. LOVE YOURSELF XO