I am completely overwhelmed with emotion. I am sad. I cry, at least once a day.
I understand that depression is a major side effect of this medication but to be honest the only reason I feel the way I'm feeling is because of how my face looks. I am obsessed with it. I stare at myself in every mirror, every reflective surface. I think about my face all the time, every second of the day. It has consumed me. I go to bed at night and expect to wake up with clear skin. It doesn't happen.
The lower right side and along my chin will not clear. It itches, its burns, it flakes, it dries out, it gets bigger. There is false hope ALL THE TIME. Its taking forever to heal, I don't understand why these spots will just not heal. I'm not picking, I try not to scratch, I cleanse and moisturize and eat right and drink lots of water. I take the medication on time, same time, everyday. Is there something else I should be doing?? I was taking pictures to track the progress, what progress? I've given up.
I don't have any self-esteem or confidence left. I avoid pictures, looking at anyone straight on, being out in the daytime, being seen without makeup, and so on and on and on... it has destroyed me.
I keep reading that its different for everyone, that some don't have an initial breakout, that some have a breakout through the entire course of treatment, that it could be 2 months before you notice a change, or 3 months, or 4 months. I didn't even have acne that bad to begin with but it was bad enough and long enough that this was my final hope. Now its worst than its ever been. I don't understand that. How it can it be worst??
I feel like quitting and I am no longer patient.