Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
  • entries
    9
  • comments
    20
  • views
    3216

Losing My Mind

iCanDream

499 views

My 21st birthday is in 4 days.

For a college student, this is supposed to be the most exciting birthday of my school career.

It's the day I'm supposed to invite everyone I know over and celebrate passage into "adulthood".

Instead of being excited, I'm terrified.

Half a year ago, I would have planned for this to be the perfect day. If my skin weren't in this condition, I would be preparing a trip to the beach or filling up gas so I can drive all around Sacramento trying all the foodz I've yet to try. I would dress to impress, I would strut with confidence, I would surround myself with friends and family, and I'd be happy.

I am not happy, and I won't be. I haven't been happy in a very long time. In the course of half a year, my acne went from mild/moderate to moderately severe. I thought it was some horrible breakout at first caused by my incompatibility with a new product I was trying (Tea Tree Oil), but it's become clear to me now that this is a new trend. Something changed inside of me, and I have to accept that severe acne is a part of my new identity (FOR NOW). 1-3 new cysts/nodules a day, averaging out to 10 a week is the new norm....

At this moment, I'm determined to spend the entire weekend hiding in my room. I am so ashamed of my face I don't want anyone to see me -- not even the people I cherish the most. Although I know they won't say anything, I'm afraid they'll all be thinking, "Wow, her acne got really bad since I last saw her." As though I've been in some unfortunate, irreversibly damaging accident. Considering the amount of scars I've developed, I might as well have been in one....

This is killing me, because I'm under the impression the decision is mine whether or not I make my 21st amazing. I should be strong enough to look past my physical handicap and make the most of what I still have... why am I so weak? If only for just a day, I desperately wish to forget about my acne, not care about it, not think about it. why... why... WHY am I unable to do so at this time?

I've already let it ruin a good half of what should have been a fun summer. This needs to stop. I'm going to give it a try... I'm going to try to ignore my acne. Spend the rest of my summer acting as though it makes no difference to me {while secretly starting Accutane, of course ;D}. Give me the mental strength to accomplish this task. Wish me luck, I will need it.

Update on Status of Skin --- I HATE ORTHO TRI-CYCLEN

I'm having an absolutely horrible experience with this birth control pill...

I'm halfway through the third week of the pack, and I've experienced just about every "minor" symptom you can experience taking these. They include nausea, throwing up, nonstop spotting, hair loss, headaches, stomach cramps, and ACNE.

Hey, I thought birth control pills were supposed to HELP with acne, not worsen them. However, I can tell you that my acne has multiplied two-fold since starting this pill. The cysts have spread to my left cheek, chin, forehead, and parts of my face I NEVER had acne in before. I am very unhappy about this. Before the "horrible breakout" and before OTC, my left side was GENERALLY clear. In terms of active cysts, it has just about the same amount as my right cheek at this moment. What the heck...

I'm even starting to get back acne.... -_-

I'm going to have a talk with my Dermatologist on the 18th about these symptoms and ask her if I should just opt for abstinence... because these symptoms would have been worth it had it been Accutane, but it's not. I'm just hoping it doesn't get much worse in 11 days time....



4 Comments


OMG! I hope you can start accutane soon. You are young and beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you!:)

Share this comment


Link to comment
Guest GetMeTheResults

Posted

So when r u starting accutane?

I hope you enjoy your birthday as much as you can in this situation. Yes, you won't look the way you want, but it will only get better. You can always photoshop the pics as it never happened and the people ure gonna be with won't care because they love you and u can tell them you're on a very strong medication for your skin

Share this comment


Link to comment

I felt the same way when my 31st came around this year. I decided to celebrate anyway and it was so worth it. Go out and have fun on your day. I did something at night so no one could see my skin. When are you starting accutane? I am scheduled to start Sept 15th or around there is my 2nd set of blood work clears.

Good Luck

Share this comment


Link to comment

I felt the same way when my 31st came around this year. I decided to celebrate anyway and it was so worth it. Go out and have fun on your day. I did something at night so no one could see my skin. When are you starting accutane? I am scheduled to start Sept 15th or around there is my 2nd set of blood work clears.

Good Luck

So when r u starting accutane?

I hope you enjoy your birthday as much as you can in this situation. Yes, you won't look the way you want, but it will only get better. You can always photoshop the pics as it never happened and the people ure gonna be with won't care because they love you and u can tell them you're on a very strong medication for your skin

I'm getting my 2nd pregnancy/blood test on the 15th, this Friday. My dermatologist appointment on the 18th is to discuss more about Accutane and probably get the prescription filled. I guess I'll be starting that week O_O. I'm not really sure how the Quest Diagnostics thing works yet.... I should probably ask her. I am SO ready to start this pill. I've already bought the moisturizer and gentle face wash. I'm waiting for my birthday to order the aquaphor for lips (general store only has regular).

Fortunately(?), none of my closest friends are around for my birthday this year... and I'm not interested in inviting anyone else, so I will probably spend it with just family. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about this, but I'll make sure I do SOMETHING on my day. :)

Share this comment


Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×