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Before It All Starts



I need to just write here to let it all out, really. I went out a couple of days ago with some friends and felt terrible because they all have flawless skin and I am still very self conscious about mine, although I know it has improved. My shallow scars are bothering me, but I'm not sure if it's body dysmorphia or if people actually do see them. I'm really confused. Every time I try to convince myself that it's just me who can see them, I immediately think that I'm lying to myself, and that "of course everyone sees it". I have small clogged pores all over, they don't bother me too much although I'd like them gone. It's the hormonal chin acne and shallow cheek scars that bother me the most. My chin currently has 3 big nodules (tried to pop them and it failed and they're now semi-active). I need to stop picking.

I'm not sure if it's time, or the differin that helped clear my largest breakout from last year. I'm so unsure about the differin. It hasn't improved my skin texture, pores, blackheads and definitely not my chin acne, but in a way I still feel like it has worked slightly, I just can't point out exactly how, as I'm still struggling. I am so scared of the IB when I start retin-a, now that I'm passed the horrible acne I used to have, and I'm REALLY scared after reading all the horror stories, that it will leave me with more scars or unveil scars I didn't know I had. I'm just hoping it's going to even out my skin texture, and possibly make my shallow scars less noticeable, and hopefully the birth control will help my hormonal acne.

When I look at photos from last summer, I realise I've come quite far. It was so inflamed and horrible, and I guess I am left with much less scarring than I thought I'd have. It's funny how you forget about that and move on to find new problems, and don't appreciate the progress you've made. Here's photos of my progress. My current skin is the photo to the right. The bad quality and dark light makes my skin look very good, but I do have big pores and worse skin texture than what it looks like, and I do have a massive breakout on my chin at the moment, so I definitely need more treatment.


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