Still no call from a dermatologist. I'm beginning to feel like my summer will be over before I am able to see one, and that makes me very, very upset. My goal is to be acne free by the time my senior year starts, and that would require me to be a few months into accutane... Time is running short!
My little obsession with my face and acne got me thinking a little bit, though. It's given me some pretty deep thoughts--as deep as my cystic acne *huehuehue, pun intended*.
My mind has become a little clearer now that THE WORST BREAKOUT OF MAI LYFE is starting to subside, and while I'm sitting on my bed in the morning, I begin to ask myself:
Why So Serious?
Yes, why am I so serious? Why do I let my acne affect my life so much? Why do I care?
As we all know, there are a lot of worse things out there...
- Cancer (and other diseases)
- Physical Abuse
- Drugz and Stuffz
- My face (jk, but seriously, no, jk)
Acne... comes nowhere near the severity of the things listed up there. To be honest, worrying about it is quite superficial. Unless I have 50,000 angry boils all over my face, I shouldn't let it bother me. But I do. One horrible breakout, and my life is seriously over. I'm spending my nights with my face buried in my pillow, literally crying because I see myself as some hideous monster. Why do I do that to myself?
Am I Superficial...? Vain?... Conceited?... Selfish?...
You know, I never considered myself superficial. I don't drink, do drugs, have meaningless sex, listen to Lil Wayne (okay, sometimes I do). I don't judge people by their looks. Yet my own self worth is directly proportional to how pretty I think I am, and that pretty much amounts to sh**.
I am not a bad person on the inside... I know it. Not to be conceited and all, but I know plenty of people who have been attracted to me because of my personality and my cystic deep thoughts *hehe*. I chase them all away because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the moment they see how bad my acne is, they'll leave, and I will be left broken in pieces.
I'm sure my friends don't see me any differently with or without acne. If they do, well, they're probably not my friends.
I really am my worst enemy.
BUT, everybody knows it's not that simple. I can't control what bothers me and what doesn't. I mean, I can try, but it's HARD, as hard as an inflamed nodule.
Have you ever tried controlling who you fall in love with? Let me tell you, it's pretty much impossible. Your feelings have a mind of their own, and so do your priorities (to some extent). Becoming emotionally distressed because of acne is a part of who I am, and it will be very difficult for me to change it. It's only partially my fault. I place the rest of the blame on genetics (which gave me acne in the first place), and on media. Media, you suck.
To those of you who are suffering with me...
I don't blame you. I am here for you. You are not alone.
But, I do urge you to sit and think for a second.
"Is it acne, or is it me?"
The world isn't as superficial as you think it is. There is a great big chance it's all in your head.
I will not blame you if you cannot see it, because honestly,
I DON'T EITHER, LOL. WAY TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH, TERESA.
If you can't help yourself:
Find ways to deal with your frustration. Consult others.
Bother the hell out of your friends.
Write random blogs to random people on the intranets, like me!
Give it a try *nudge nudge*.
But don't suffer alone.
I end this blog with my favorite quote:
"Be who you are, and say what you feel.
Because, those who mind, don't matter.
And, those who matter, don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss.
P.S. I am terribly sorry if you write a comment to me and it appears I am not responding back. I can't post comments yet because the mods have not approved my first post. .-. I have responded to you *maybe*.