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Day 1 - Make It Stop

Sigh.

I'm back. Again.

I had a blog here before, however my picking has not gotten better, in fact, it has gotten worse, and now I have done so much damage to my face that it is starting scar.

I fairly good skin, though I do get break outs from time to time, but that's not really the issue. It doesn't really matter what my skin is like because I will ATTACK it anyways.

I have to say that it has definitely gotten worse since my accident in last august (2013). I cut my toes off with a lawnmower. (message if you want more details.) and while I was struggling with mild PTSD before I thought I was doing better, but since moving back into my apartment, and since the new year, things have only gotten worse.

I have always used my fingers for picking, but recently I went through a phase where I used bobby pins (I had to find and throw out every. single. one. before I stopped using them, they were very damaging.) Then I saw a video where a woman was using a pair of tweezers, and since then I have been using my fingers in conjunction with tweezers. At the end of a picking session, lasting anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 1/2 hours, when I am angry, and despairing and feeling like complete I will usually chuck the tweezers across the room in hopes that I'll lose it and not be able to use to pick anymore. I always manage to find it.

I take 27mg of Concerta a day to deal with ADD, and if I don't take these meds then I become a raging, INCREDIBLY angry, and aggressive person, but these also make my picking worse. It's like picking the lesser of two evils. And for the sake of my patient, and saintly boyfriend, I choose to take my meds daily. Which I know I should do anyways.

Anyway, it's come to the point where my father literally got down on his knees and begged me to stop. But I just can't seem to. He even asked if I could just pick somewhere else, anywhere else, just not my face.

I am waiting for a referral to go through to a psychiatrist to see if they can prescribe me SSRI's which are beneficial for obsessive compulsive disorders, and I have spoken to my GP about this.

I picked yesterday and today, but before that I managed to go for almost a week without picking and my face was just beginning to heal.

Help me. I need support, guidance, and methods of stopping this.

I use a raw honey mask a couple times a week, and Melaleuca to try and stop the redness and help heal the scabs. I wash my face with neutragena cleanser and use the matching moisturizer daily.



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Ok. You need to see a dermatologist like yesterday. You need amoxicillin, cephalexin accutane, tretinoin etc... Your acne is extremely severe :(. I am concerned that you are focusing on the picking and not looking at preventing breakouts. I have picked at zits before when I was not on an effective antibiotic. You need medical attention. Your regimen isn't working. Try to face reality. You need health insurance and a visit to the Dermatologist so you can be properly evaluated. I am guessing a doctor would put you on accutane and an antibiotic right away. Remember this, Picking is not your problem, acne is. Get rid of the acne and you get rid of the desire to pick. You can't pick zits that don't exist. I also reccommend spironolactone and a birth control pill. :) Good Luck!

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I actually don't have acne. All the marks that you see there are self inflicted. Sad but true. I focus on the tiniest black/white heads that crop up occasionally and then I destroy them until I'm left with huge scabs.

I am on birth control, and I have spoken to my doctor several times, its not like cystic acne or even acne at all. I am also allergic to entire -cillin family so thats a no go, and I REAAALLLY don't want to go on accutane because when I actually stop picking I have near flawless skin. And this is what makes it worse.

But thank you. :)

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