Acne is such a strange thing. I was feeling quite alright this morning, and now, less than 12 hours later, I feel so down about my skin. This past week, I have had one of my worst breakouts in a while. A week ago today, my skin was pretty good. Not perfect by any means, but not something I was obsessing over like I am right now. While I had some clogged pores and redness from previous breakouts, I was able to conceal it well with make-up. This week, I was hit with the type of breakout that cannot be covered no matter how much make-up I apply. It is amazing, and quite sad, how much this condition radically affects every freaking aspect of my damn life. When I am clear, I am myself. I love life because I don't have to think about my skin. And my acne is not even that bad. It's just persistent and located in an area that is so damn hard to conceal (around the mouth). I look at pictures of people whose conditions appear so much worse than mine, and my heart goes out to them because I know that it's hard enough dealing with my own situation that it must be so difficult for them.
I have never been a lover of make-up. I prefer the natural look. I really only wear it out of necessity. When I was clear from Accutane, I only wore make-up when I went out for special occasions. It was SO NICE to be able to leave the house without a stitch of concealer or foundation on. Now, I can't leave the house without either, and my face still looks like shit. It is so frustrating. My poor boyfriend has to deal with my obsessiveness and depression. He tells me all of the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am, but all I can think is, "How could anyone find me attractive right now?" You would think that someone telling you something like that would make it better, but for me, it only makes it worse. It's a double-edged sword; it feels awful to have acne, and it feels even more awful to refute someone's love because of the sense of worthlessness that acne imposes on you.
Ugh. This sucks.