I've always been terrified at the thought of Accutane. I've done extensive research; read countless articles, watched the videos, seen the photos, read the horror stories, read the success stories, interviewed everyone I know who's taken it, read blogs, forums, etc.
I'm a health nut. I like to know exactly what's going into my body. I'm a huge supporter of PETA and insist on knowing exactly where my food came from. Fruits, vegetables, and nuts are my best friend. I drink a green smoothie every single day.
The thought of (even temporarily) toxifying my body and straining my liver with massive amounts of a vitamin terrify me.
I try so hard to be in tune with my body, I would be so stressed knowing I was doing damage to it, probably some of it permanent.
That being said, today I broke down and realised I have to take the chance.
My mom is still breaking out at nearly 50 years old.
I've been relying heavily on birth control for my face and body acne. If I ever want to have children I would have to stop taking birth control. You also can't use topical retinoids during pregnancy because it's unknown if it can effect the fetus, and I wouldn't take the chance. I'd have to rely on benzoyl peroxide which, although it works amazingly, isn't enough for my skin, and I couldn't apply to my body without bleaching everything I come in contact with. Also my doctor told me that they don't recommend anyone to take birth control for more than 8 years for fertility reasons. I want to be able to have children someday..
I don't want to have to chose between clear skin and children. Because clear skin isn't about vanity. It's about the ability to hold my head up in public and meet someone in the eye. It's about beating the depression that comes with the pain and self-contiousness that comes with broken skin. Acne is a disease. And I'm so exhausted from fighting it.
With that, I have decided that I need to give in and go on Accutane and pray that it will work for me.
I need hope.
I need a cure.