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Day 15

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acl94536

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I'm not sure if this is healthy or not but I got very angry today when I went to the gym. I was so mad about what's going on with my skin that I went full out Hulk. I ran for 40 min as opposed to my usual 20. I burned 300 calories doing that alone. Then I did my ab workout: 3 sets of 25 Russian twists, 2 sets of 10 "V" ups, 2 1 minute planks, and of course crunches. Then I did arms today. I did 100 pounds on the lateral pulldown and 50 pounds worth of triceps, then some other weights. Keep in mind, I am 5'1 and don't even weigh 100 pounds. I don't know how I did all that. I mean, I'm in good shape (body-wise) but that was just insane! I was so angry because I feel like I have absolute no control over my life (mainly my skin). I feel like it should be the same as working out: you work hard and eventually you see results. Hence, if you are nice to your skin, it should be nice, but that isn't the case. I spent most of last night crying but at least instead of the stabbing pain I usually feel when I'm sad, I felt dead and hollow inside. I haven't participated in any "self-harm" for a very long time but I was very tempted. Thankfully, I withheld.

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