A long ways back I used to be a member of this community as flyBOYkp.. Seeing as I no longer have access to the email address attached to that username, I have created a new account.
A lot has transpired since my postings from 4 years ago when I began a daily regimen of Accutane for "acne"...
Long story short; Accutane failed once, twice and then a third time. Why? Accutane is successfully used to treat acne, not HS AKA "Hidradenitis Suppurative" If you are not familiar with this ailment, it is an inflammatory disease of certain glands within the skin, there is no cure. This disease has dictated the better part of my life for the past 7 years.
I came back to acne.org because I felt that of all places I've ever blogged, it is here I would be understood most. I believe that what connects everyone in this community is not acne, dry skin, oily skin, peroxide, proactiv, Accutane or any of the various remedies on the market. I believe that the way we feel about and the things we tell ourselves is what we have in common. I have recently realized that one large part of my life that has been missing the past couple of years is writing. I used to come onto this website and blog about the way I felt and what I was having a hard time with or even how I was progressing. During the past couple of years, a lot of tremendous change has happened in my life. Having moved from my hometown, to a large city and landing what seemed to be an impossible job, I should be happy. The problem is, I seem to have lost connection with the very things that kept my feet on the ground.
Living paycheck to paycheck in my crappy apartment didn't seem all of that great a couple of years ago, but I felt a lot happier and secure than I do now. I have everything going for me, yet I fight it. Why? That is what I am trying to sort out and it is proving a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. As a last resort I started seeing a therapist and after 3 months I stopped going because I had turned it into another burden for myself to juggle. It isn't easy to talk to anyone. Even a therapist cannot begin to imagine the physical and emotional anguish I have survived in the past 7 years. I have become so numb that expressing anything besides anger has become nearly impossible. I used to cry almost every night and beg God to have mercy and relieve me from the pain I was feeling. I spent hours online blogging about the pain I felt and trying to get anyone to understand where I was coming from. Unfortunately, I just looked like an ass.
The one thing I do miss is having an outlet for the intense emotions I feel due to my struggle. High atop my shoulders I carry all of the stresses of day to day life, as well as the feelings of worthlessness and shame that come with having this skin disease. This blog will not just deal with skin, treatments and progress I hope to make. I hope to find an audience of people who can relate, share and hopefully find some inspiration in the journey of my life.