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Really Hurting



Whenever I feel like it's getting better, a new zit pops up. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be acne-free. I thought I was improving! If I'm being honest, I went from moderate to mild pretty fast. Switching makeup brands has made a pretty big difference and the birth control seems to be helping the hormonal acne around my jawline. I guess I should be happy to see progress, but until i'm finally rid of this "disease", I won't be satisfied. Even one pimple is enough to drive me up the wall. It isn't fair. I saw a girl taking her makeup off in the bathroom mirror today. I was so jealous that she could do that out in public. I have to hide in a bathroom stall when I take mine off and then put a hoodie on to cover up my face because I'm so embarrassed by it. When I went out to smoke yesterday late at night, these two girls sat at the front desk and STARED at me. It made me feel horrible. Just the other day, my boyfriend's mother made a comment about my acne. She's so lucky because she absolutely NEVER breaks out. Her skin is absolutely perfect.

I was kinda excited I got my first real "normal" pimple the other day on my lower cheek. I know it sounds weird but after all the really weird types of acne I have, I was glad to see one that's easy to treat. It went away in 3 days, like a normal zit should. See, that I can deal with. The left side of my face is pretty clear except for ONE SPOT. It's really aggravating me because there is like this weird cluster of bumps underneath my skin that refuse to come to a head. It's really discolored, almost purple, like a bruise. It's been there for like 2 months now. The right side of my face is primarily scars but when I got out of the shower about an hour ago I was incredibly depressed when I noticed one of the scars is turning into a bump. I probably have three of those bumps on the right side of my face now. This is probably revenge for popping a few last week. I also have one on my lip, like legit ON my lower lip. And two more near my eyebrow on the left side, which really makes me angry because I had one there about 2 days ago and put some SA on it and it vanished. Now two more popped up in its place. For the first time in awhile, I also have a cyst on my chest and it really hurts.

This really sucks because in all honesty I only had one pimple two days ago. Now all the sudden, my face is exploding again. Luckily, the bumps are really close to the skin and you can't tell at all when I wear makeup. Still, one day I want to be able to go foundation free, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon.


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