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How My Acne Has Mentally Destroyed Me.

Liam Foster


This will be my final blog post for a long while, my final canvas in which to convey every last detail of my struggle with people whom may or may not understand. Acne has brought me to my knees and has destroyed me in a way i think i will never be able to overcome as long as i still walk this Earth. What many people don't realise with this disease, as i like to call it, is that along with the physical scrutiny that Acne puts you under; it destroys your inner most self, you become weakened by it all. I have had severe acne for 2 years now, and the acne that once was, now subsides deep in my skin, creating very noticeable red scars, all over my face. I have been in a formidable struggle with depression ever since this occurred. I am now half the person i once was before any of this ever began. I have given up so much because of my constant daily struggle; job opportunities, close friendships, close family bonds, my social life but most importantly, i have given up myself. For people who have struggled with severe acne for as long as i have will understand how hard it is to wake up every day, look in the mirror and be completely overcome with embarrassment and that feeling of anguish knowing that you don't look any different, your face is still messed up, and you know the most painful part? There is literally nothing you can do anymore, you have no fight left in you. I have tried everything there is apart from Accutane, but i don't want to talk about drugs and medication right now because we all know they are just false hopes, as once they do their work and you stop taking them, you get overcome by it all once again, this time 100x worse than before. No, this isn't about how many things i have tried, or how many pills and drugs i have taken to try ever so desperately to rid me from this pain, this is about my mental state, and how acne has destroyed my life, basically. I stay awake till 5am, 6am sometimes, at times just staring into complete darkness, a feeling of not wanting to wake up in the morning at the fact that my life will still be the same, i will still look the same and that's just the way things will remain. And for the people reading this right now, please don't comment with fake optimism; telling me that things will always get better, that things will change because it won't make a slight bit of difference to me whatsoever. If you feel the same way as i do, then please by all means, comment your struggles, and we can struggle together! I don't want no philosophical bullshit put my way either, so please refrain from doing so. This is just my life at the current moment, in one whole paragraph. Maybe once day i can come back onto this site and tell you about how my life has changed and how i can finally live like a normal person, instead of a nocturnal recluse who is slowly wasting away. Thanks for taking your time to read this, and god forbid for this to ever happen to anyone else. Acne will break you, and when things are uncontrollable, you become your most vulnerable, and that's when it tears you apart the most.

Liam Foster.


At the height of my disease I cried myself to sleep at night; not only from the emotional pain but the physical pain as well.

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acne sucks .. we all cry at night feeling like were ugly and remembering all the bad things people have said about our skin. I can still remember comments from years ago people have said about my skin. yeah years ago. can't remember what I ate two days ago. but still cry aver comments made years ago. I hate having

to deal with acne my sisters have good skin and here I am trying everything.. not even family understands ,

they just tell me not to listen to peoples comments. but we must all not give up . . we must get up every day and just keep going no matter how hard it is ..

I still get comments on my skin daily I work as a waitress . its hard to not have someone not comment

I serve on so many people in a day its just going to happen I cant escape it .. I have thought about quitting so many times but hey I can't let this beat me . don't loose hope that's all we have left .. your not the only one out there .. we are all here dealing with the same thing ..

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I completely relate to everything you wrote. I'm 30 and still struggle with acne, although parts of my face are completely clear now compared to how it was when I was a teenager. I know this is cliche to say, but it's true...going out into the world really helps you come out of this self-centered isolation that acne has forced you into. It gives you a new perspective, and a sense that there are other things more important than your skin. You only have one life to live, and if you let acne beat you then you've lost the battle. Insomnia, depression, and obsessing about your acne only make things worse. But I understand that once you get into that mental state, it's hard to break free. A practical suggestion that worked for me: I found out I was vitamin D deficient (duh, because I didn't want to go out due to my skin, so I wasn't getting any sunlight). Since I started taking prescription vitamin D, my anxiety and depression have significantly diminished, and I feel more functional now. This is the best anti-depressant for me, and it might be worth a shot if you want to help yourself get better.

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