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Where Life Begins

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Acne is mainly classified as a skin condition, though I truly feel it's a disease. Not physically, I mean, it's not contagious, or life-threatening. But there is an emotional side of acne. And I'm not talking about all of the hormones and mood swings that we go through as we're growing up, but acne itself.

This is a thought that's been on my mind recently, and it's one of those personal things that is hard to explain, so bare with me.

Back track 3 years ago when my skin was at its worst. I refused to even walk into Walmart without having makeup on. If I ran out of makeup, I'd skip school that day. There were somedays I didnt even get out of bed because the first thing I would see is a mirror and I didnt want to go through looking at myself. I missed out on a lot of things because of my skin. Pool parties, school dances you name it. It's such a small thing that can make a person feel so terrible about themselves. My confidence level far surpassed 0. I was never happy, rather anti-social you could say, I'd try to avoid talking to anyone, especialy because I despised eye contact. They say you are your biggest critic. You know every spot, mark, bump and pore on your face.

Expanding on that, when acne goes you have a whole new battle to face, the scarring, the doc says it'll fade within the next year, but 3 months post accuane and I'm still acting as if my skin hasnt changed. It's like someone losing a lot of weight, but still in the habits of when they were overweight. Afraid to eat because they don't want to gain the weight back and start from the beginning. The same goes for skin, I'm still so afraid to slip up on my skincare regimen because I dont want to go back to the start of this process. I don't know why I'm so paranoid, my skin is nearly perfect! Hell I could go a week without washing my face and still feel 4,000 x better going out in public than I did before. But the reminder is still there, I have to battle scarring and oily skin and other flaws that only I can see on my face. The pyscological effects of acne are so large, I know my skin is so much better but I can't help but find something wrong with it every time I look in the mirror. I try to forget how I used act 3 years ago until the day I took my last pill, because that part of me is over, I was depressed because of my skin, and now I do my best to radiate confidence whether it's there or not, Somedays I feel as disgusting as I did then, but you have to keep telling yourself it's all inside your head.

What I'm basically trying to say is, Accutane is not a magic pill. Your acne doesnt disappear and boom, your problems are solved. Acne is something you have to fight even after it's gone. But the fight is worth it because in the end, you can do silly things that you weren't able to before like walking your dog around the block without having to hide under makeup. And it's things like that, that leads to where life begins.

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Well said. I think it's important to work on accepting yourself with all of the flaws while working on fixing them through accutane or any other treatment so you'll really feel good about yourself once you get clear. I've been struggling with it on and off for years and I'm only now realizing that its better to not let it dictate where you go or what you do and to just live your life as you normally would. Obviously that's much easier said than done and there are good days and bad but it's much better than hiding away from everyone and everything.

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