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32 Days In: Really Want To Flash-Forward



Dear Everyone,

I wish I had a button on a remote control... one where I could hit flash-forward and it would take me to the end of my treatment... so that I could see just how beautiful I could be. I'm not saying that in vain; I'm saying it because I feel beautiful when I feel like me. And having to battle acne... it doesn't make me feel like me.

It's day 32 of my Claravis journey. It's getting better, slowly but surely. I actually have a strange feeling that at the end of this second month, my skin will look a lot better. But, as of right now... it's just a waiting game and I am probably one of the most impatient people on this planet.

To tell you the truth... I don't really look into mirrors... which is extremely sad considering that I maybe have four pimples total on my face. I'm pretty sure I have some type of body/acne dysmorphia or whatever it's called. I'm hoping that at the end of treatment... I won't have this anymore.

Well, sorry for the sob-like story hahaha update more in about a week!

Much love,



Hi. I read your post and I thought WOW THAT'S SO ME.

I am convinced I have some sort of dysmorphia too. I'm obsessive. I am constantly looking at my face though - to the point where my boyfriend is telling me to stop.

I'm on day 13. I feel like I have forever to go. 3.5 months in total. 60mg a day. Boohoo.

How are you feeling today? I'm trying hard to stay positive. My family are great but it's hard as they don't REALLY know what's going on and how it feels. I'm sure they think "thank god I don't have a face like that". Anyway, this forum helps me. Trying to make some friends so I can go through the journey with others. Stay strong! x

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My family is the same way. They're beyond supportive and understanding... but at the same time they have no idea the mental and emotional toll that this dysmorphia does to you. I mean for example, it sounds ridiculous but I honestly don't really look in mirrors and it makes me feel better. Because... when I shower you wash your face and can feel how your skin is doing and mine, honestly, has gotten a lot better. It's really smooth apart from a few zits. So, I know it's healing, but I also know that if I look in the mirror that I will more than likely start crying because my skin isn't what I "expect" it to be. Which is why at the end of my five month course... I'm hoping to look and be totally pleased. I mean, I have learned to put on mascara without looking into a mirror. I've learned how to apply concealer without looking into a mirror. Pretty crazy, isn't it?

And the thing is that I'm not asking for perfect skin. I'm asking for skin that I can manage and keep healthy. That's all I'm asking for.

I think you and I are very much in the same boat. It's crazy, right???!!! You become obsessed, fixated that your skin is SO HORRIBLE. When, in reality, it's probably not even noticable for someone looking at you. I hope that your boyfriend is as supportive as your family is, by the way :) I'm sure that would help you a lot.

I think for us right now... it's a waiting game. A very very very very long waiting game haha but, I'm about 102% sure that this treatment is going to work for both of us. And I'm excited when it will all be over and we hopefully won't have this dysmorphia.

Muah, hope things get better for you really soon <3

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Hey and thanks for replying.

Yeh, my boyfriend is great. The thing is I had clear skin for 2 years...the odd spot now and then but nothing major and then 4 weeks ago bammm my acne was back and it was back to really piss me off. I had spots all over my cheeks, the corners of my nose, above my lips and on my forehead. I honestly wanted to die at that point - I mean not really but I'm sure you know what I mean. Anyway I went straight to my derm and she put me on accutane. 3.5 months to go now!!!! It's awful to adjust from crap skin, to really really good skin, back to crap skin :( accutane should work though. What's harder is I am 26 :( boohoo!

Oh wow, I am super impressed you can do all that without looking in the mirror. So how do you manage to do your hair and to check your outfits and stuff? Stupid question but it just sprung to mind to ask.

I think that slowly you should try to look at yourself in the mirror. Even if that means taking a small mirror and looking at tiny parts of your face to start with. Maybe look at the areas that you know feel good and smooth? It might be a start. I think you should try it.........let me know if you do. I'd be super impressed.

I need to look in the mirror less so if we mixed ourselves up a bit it would be perfect.

PLEASE keep me updated on your progress as I would love to hear.

Stay strong :) xx

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Oh gosh, I'm so sorry about how clear your skin was before the acne hit. That's how mine was, too. Crystal clear and then wam bam bam bam. Spot, spot, spot. I agree with you.. boohoo!

And I am so sorry that you are dealing with acne at 26... that has to be so hard. But, I know that Accutane is really effective so I'm hoping that it will work super well for both of us!

As far as how I go without looking in the mirror... I guess I've adjusted haha I play college soccer so I'm mostly dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. But, on days where I look nicer, I basically just add mascara and blow-dry my hair. That's honestly it. I'm pretty low-maintenance when it comes to all that "getting ready" haha. But, um, you can pretty much just rely on touch to know how things look. Like feel your eye-lashes for clumps and things like that. It's like getting ready blind.

I really appreciate your advice about the mirror. It truly means a lot to me that you want to help. It's been so hard for me. And I can imagine the obsessive looking in the mirror has been so hard for you, too. We really do need to mix ourselves up haha that'd do some real good.

Keep me updated on your status, too! I feel like we really understand what's going on with each other haha how's your skin doing right now??? Better than when you started accutane?


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