I don't really like to hear about acne history. It's a past that speaking about won't change, but I understand that for some people it helps them understand what they need to do now to avoid blemishes. I don't think it works that way for me.
I don't know why I have acne. I come from a very tiny school of only about 300 students, of those my class has about 20 kids, of those I have a circle of about seven close friends, of those people only one person has acne, myself. I screwed myself about a month ago when it comes to facewash. My mom suggested a natural product made in Canada, by this time she had already paid and recieved it. Over Christmas break I tried the products and my skin hated me for it. I now am at my lowest point in my skin history, which sucks. But as it goes I can now either move up or stay here and feel sorry for myself.
Sometimes when I am talking to my friends I watch their eyes focus on a currently very large active pimple or just scan my bumpy forehead. Sometimes I feel ashamed to look people in the eyes because I feel like they're embarassed of my skin, in some way. Somedays it seems so much easier to feel sorry for myself. I do feel sorry for myself though, I feel sorry for the ten year old me who wanted to wash her face and feel grown up. I feel sorry for the me who thought one pimple a month was the end of the world. I feel sorry for the me who works out for fifteen hours a week and is rewarded with an in shape body so covered with acne and scars that she's too afraid to show off. But feeling sorry for myself doesn't clear my marked skin.
I like to believe that I am stronger than acne and that's why I have it. I can afford to by the products, I have the determination to wash diligently twice a day, everyday. I can ignore any remarks said, thoughts thought, or stares given. I can not wear makeup for the sake of protecting my skin. I won't let acne control me.
And in many ways my mess of skin has shaped who I am. I am so determined to be perfect in every other aspect of my life to make up for my acne, that I have become successful. So as much as I want to crawl under my blankets and cry somenights, I know that acne won't break me and that is the reason I have it.
But I am so set on feeling beautiful and confident in myself that, that is why I am going to beat it!!