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Feeling So Depressed.. :(

afwestberry

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I've always suffered with light acne (sometimes moderate, when the hormones get to raging)- but about two months ago halfway through my first semester of college (great timing, right?) I got a bad breakout on one side of my mouth.. within a week both of my cheeks were covered in acne. Since then, it seems like the acne just doesn't go away. If the pimple (or cyst :'() heals, another one comes up right in its place! I am so frustrated with this that I just had to write it down or I might of gone insane. I just don't know what brought this on! I've always been a religious face-washer, I take good care of my skin. But it looks HORRIBLE.

Anyways, what brought this on was- last night I went out to a party with my boyfriend and all of our friends were there. Now the only reason I don't stay huddled up in my own version of the batcave aka my room, is because I have make up. Now I know its not good for your skin to wear it, and I don't unless I'm going out to be around people besides my mom and dad (lol)- but I buy the expensive non comedogenic stuff & I just LOVE make up. It is my saving grace. To all you fellas out there, I seriously respect you because I couldn't leave my house without wearing any. Back to what I was saying.. I've always been really social and (really not trying to sound conceited) a decent looking girl! When me and my boyfriend got home, I took my make up off and just completely had a meltdown. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. The cysts are dark red and inflamed, and it doesn't help the fact that I have TWO on one cheek and one on the other. Not to mention smaller pimples, and even some of those somehow turn dark red- but they're not big enough or painful enough to be a cyst. Its like all the capillaries in my cheeks are busted and blood is just streaming around right under my skin. And it completely FREAKING BLOWS.

Beside the fact that both of my cheeks have been taken over by acne (bloody, itchy, disgusting, scabby, dry, flaky, terrible acne at that)- the real kicker was the fact that one of my cysts is starting to heal & there is a HOLE in the side of my face. Yep. So now I have a permanent scar. JOY. I started looking and theres yet another one. I've never had any scarring except the dark marks that acne leave behind that eventually fade away.. so this was a total bummer.

I don't talk to anyone about this really.. Not my boyfriend, friends, parents.. I guess its like when I'm wearing make up I can just act like the problem isn't there.. but when I accidentally touch my face I feel it. I did tell my parents I really wanted to see a dermatologist (I haven't before because they're the "if you dont touch your face & wash it the way you're supposed to- it will clear up on its own" type people) so I have an appointment Tuesday. I really hope I can get something that works without having to go through trial and error too long.. because I just can't handle this acne anymore. Its taking a huge toll on the way I feel about myself, my self esteem is pretty much shot. I'm hoping since my acne severity has gotten worse I can try Accutane. But really I'd settle for anything that will work.

If anyone is reading this, and you feel depressed about your acne.. you are not alone. I've never felt so unconfident in my life- and that's just not me. Gonna go back to the bat cave and sulk and soak this face with a hot rag..

After going to the derm I may use this blog to keep up with my progress. Pictures (ugh) and all that jazz. Thanks for reading, if you did! Lets get rid of this acne.



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I'd rather hear/read a girl admit her beauty then deny it and cry about how ugly she is (which there have been on here lol). From what I read your acne does seem to be a medical condition now and you def should see a Derm. My first years of HS I needed to see a Derm but just thought it was something I was doing wrong on the outside of my face. It definitely isn't, anyone with real acne can tell you that. It's just something that's wrong on the inside of your body. There are definitely treatments! But from my experience with antibiotics (which they will most likely you start you off with) they will build you and break you. Okay, sorry, I meant that's what they did to me. I was clear a few months then my acne came back and was worse than it ever had been. So knowing what I know now, if I were you I would just right off the bat ask for Accutane. It's worth a shot, even though most Derms prob won't prescribe it first. Just my opinion though.

Hope you find your treatment and get better!=)

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I totally know how you feel! I have been depressed about my acne for the longest time! Makeup is definitely my saviour too! If I didn't have it I probably would never leave my house! I have friends that always tell me that my acne is not that bad, but they have NEVER seen me without makeup! Since I was in grade 4, I've never known what it is like to have clear skin! Hopefully we'll both get there one day! :)

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Thanks guys! Sorry for the whole sob story- I just had to get it out or it was gonna be a meltdown on the count of 3! Lol. But thanks for the advice ms8thwonder! Like I said, since my acne's gotten so much worse lately I'm hoping he'll just put me on it without me having to whine too much (I might bring out the tears.. lol jk) & hopefully it will work! Kind of worried about anything else.. and the IB stage. Knight07 I hear you girl! I am a huge make up, hair, beauty person. I haven't had clear skin since age 12!! I know how hard it is.. (and how mean kids can be lol) but I sure hope everything works out for you!! Wish me luck at the derm, only one more day! :)

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hang in there >:!

I hope you'll get the chance to try topical items before going into accutane. I know how it feels to want that quick fix with accutane. I practically begged my derm but she made sure I was to try every other possible treatment before taking accutane.

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