So lately I've been saying that my acne hasn't been too terrible and that I hardly ever get spots anymore and blah blah blah. And that's mostly true... I haven't really gotten any new spots. I've just had the same ones for like, a month. They're super tiny and don't even look like they've come to a head, they're just itsy bitsy teeny weeny little bumps that have been there FOREVER. And they're driving me freaking nuts!!
I know a lot of you feel the same way and everyone has gone through this at one point or another, but I'm going to rant about it anyway.
At the end of the day when I take off my makeup I just feel so disgusting. Like, without makeup on I'm a completely different, uglier person. My skintone is uneven, these little spots that won't. freaking. go. away. And I just started breaking out on my chin and.. it's just completely horrible. I seriously want to like grate my skin off! Ok, not literally, but you know what I mean. And I KNOW that my acne isn't even that bad compared to a lot of people's at my school! It's the fact that it's so PERSISTANT and that it's still there no matter what I do to try and get rid of it.
So anway, yesterday I had my mom call my doctor to get me some tetracycline. I've been on it before and it didn't do anything, but I only used it for 30 days at a barely-there dosage. My doctor perscribed me some and I was able to pick it up that same day, which was fabulous (this was yesterday, by the way). So I took my first one last night and yay! Now I'm taking one 55mg pill a day. I take mine at night.
Well, here's another rant/sob story for you, in case the one above wasn't enough. So last night my mom came into my room and proposed this idea that we take a picture of my face every night and keep track to see how the tetracycline's working. "It'll be like a science fair project!" she said. -_-
The idea of doing so had occured to me before, but I'm so lazy and I have a whacky schedule what with dance and all the clubs I'm in at school and blah blah, and I come home at different times every night (sometimes as late as 11pm) that I just haven't stuck with it.
Well anyway, we took the first picture last night and it was absolutely mortifying. I looked at it afterwards and it was so COMPLETELY disheartening that I started crying right on the spot. The flash was on, so it made my skin look super pale and my spots bright, ghastly red in comparison. EVERYTHING stood out. Spots I didn't even know I HAD were highlighted.
Lately I've been telling myself and tricking myself into believing that my acne really isn't that bad. Of course, I avoid mirrors as much as possible, and the scant few times I DO look in a mirror are at school, from a distance, when I have makeup on. And the lighting in my house isn't great, so it's easy to fool myself into thinking that my skin is better than it really is.
So it was an eye-opener and utterly depressing.
So I'm hoping the tetracycline will work... praying, pleading, BEGGING that it will help.
I'm freaking tired of acne and what a destroyer of self-esteem it is. It completely rips you down, chews you up, and spits you back out. It freaking sucks.
Enough ranting (for tonight at least, haha).