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Hey everyone,

It's been a long time since I updated my blog. It's not like my skin is perfectly cleared but it's manageable. I mean, lately, I have been picking my whiteheads. I know I shouldn't but I have this really bad habit of wanting to squeeze it out every time they appear on my face. Trust me, they are pretty much all scattered around my cheek and chin area. BIG MISTAKE! Two or three of them actually inflamed and they became three red inflamed pimples on my face.

I've been applying dalacin-t on the inflamed pimples over and over again along with bp and tea tree oil occasionally. My suggestion is, do NOT do it yourself. I have been visiting a local spa where they would squeeze out my whiteheads and possibly pimples for me. But it gets quite difficult to manage when it comes to inflamed ones.

Anyways, in terms of progress from 2 years ago, I would say.. there is a huge improvement already. I know I am still complaining about my acne because in the end, this is my biggest insecurity in life. I am having a bunch of whiteheads on my face. If i don't squeeze them, they are not that noticeable. So now, I only have 2-3 pimples on my face comparing to over 20 of them 2 years ago.

My skin is still really oily and this is why I am getting whiteheads all the time.

This is what I'm doing right now:

1) I quit having food that i think would cause me break outs such as beef and dairy products

2) I no longer take b5 because of its side effects (but it works i must say)

3) I use bp around my chin and cheek area

4) I apply dalacin-t and tea tree oil on the inflamed pimples

5) recently bought ZENO pimple kit and it works if you do it consistently on your pimple (though I find it quite expensive)

Last but not least, I just wanna write an entry about the emotional impact of having acne. I know I should not complain anymore. I had my really REALLY tough times where there are over 20 cysts on my face. I was so depressed. I was avoiding mirrors and I was practically staying in the dark, if possible. But overtime, with my huge struggle to clear my skin, acne slowly became my deepest insecurity. I panic every time when they get worse now and then. I get so paranoid when I see acne on my face because I am not sure if they will come back and haunt me again.

Life was wonderful when I had minimal amount of acne on my face. But even when it was wonderful and all, I still reminded myself that they might come back. I thought life finally became better when my acne was under control. But I guess, it was better because my face was (more or less) cleared. Once they come back again, I turned into the vulnerable self again. I want to feel happy and proud of who I am even with the flaws on my face but I just can't. I am not ready to move onto that stage yet. I was hoping that I could stay strong after going through numerous battles with my acne problem, but in the end, I get more vulnerable each time.

I know people don't really care about my face. No one does actually. They are only concerned with their own problems. In the end, I am my own worst enemy. People have been telling me that I look fine. I just didn't believe them because I know it's not.

Anyways, I know many of you are probably suffering from huge emotional impact. I know this is painful to go through because you feel like you can't control it. You want it to go away so badly but you know it won't miraculously go away tomorrow. You probably tried to sleep earlier, hoping that it might be gone by the next time. You're probably avoiding people or SUNLIGHT. You can't stop thinking about your acne. You probably sit there and cry... because there is nothing you could do about it.

Trust me, you're not alone. I know having acne sucks. I am trying to stay positive. It's REALLY hard. I am trying to confront myself all the time. I really want to be happy even with these flaws on my face. I want to accept myself for who I am. In the end, if I can't even accept myself, who would?

For all those who feel like there's no one who you could talk to, or relate to, trust me, you're not alone.


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