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How Did I Get Here?

Pillbug

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Hello universe :) I don't know how the heck to post topics or posts so I'll just lump it all here:

I have been thinking about my unhappiness about my skin and how many oppertunities I passed up because I was so self conscious of my complextion. When I think about that unlived life, I feel this awful pang of regret. I will be honest: my skin sucks, but I am more than my skin and the people who love and care about me didn't place any emphasis on my skin when they were deciding to love and care about me! In my head, I make my imperfect skin so much worse because I would actually think: "My life would be so much better if I had a clear complextion---because then I could be ME!" (why do we do that?) I put so much on hold, I passed up so many great trips, I cried over the bumps and marks made myself feel really crappy. And in the beginning--it was ONLY light post-acne marks and enlarged pores on my cheeks. BUT AFTER trying to FIX it with products and pills and lasers--is when it got worse and worse. It gets worse by obsessing. I have this cruel lighted makeup mirror with a 5X magnification side on it and that stupid mirror is what led me to the evil clutches of the beauty/skin industry. Here is what they did for my skin:

STRIDEX pads: this is my 1st forray into skincare. My mom bought them so I could wash the grime off my face and quickly treat a pimple. I didn't have "problem skin" but this was a kick start to giving me problem skin because it stripped my natural oil so much that my glands produced SO MUCH MORE OIL. From then on, I had really oily skin.

BP wash: Burned a lot. Made skin red, dry and cracked. I peeled so much even though my skin compatted it by producing more oil. This all led to more breakouts.

ACCUTANE: Oh my gosh--what a hassle! this stuff was momentary and effected so much more of my skin/body than ever before. To this day--10 years later--I STILL have bad chapped lips and eye sensitivity. It didn't fix the problem much but it did give me super sensitive skin.

MURAD ACNE COMPLEX--DESTROYED my skin over the course of a month. It was the worse product I ever used and the one that actually gave me scars and broke me out in places I never had problems with before. This stuff gave me the "bad" kind of acne that is painful and cyst-like. Since using this crap--I have always had a blemish on my face instead of just the occasional one. I have no idea what kind of madness this stuff is made of, but I truly regret ever touching the stuff.

I'm sure there are more, but IF I could do it all over again, I would have stuck to natural remedies and shattered that makeup mirror. We are just making ourselves sicker and sicker delving in this deceptive business of skin care. I want to stop buying into this and find natural solutions that will work for me and change my outlook on myself. I'm TRYING.



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