I have oily sensitive skin so its hard to treat my acne. My whole highschool life I have been depressed some months are better then others but I'm still very depressed just because when I look in the mirror I see a good looking kid with bad acne. I have had acne since I was a freshmen in highschool and now i just graduated and starting college in 8 days and Im so upset because you should not have bad acne in college and im afraid I wont make friends because I look like this. Freshmen year my acne got so bad my girl friend left me because of it it was all on my face . I then went on accutane and completely cleared up my skin till Jr year where it all came back again much worse then before. I didnt know how to treat my acne back then so all I would keep doing is popping them and not washing my face and putting harsh acne products like epaduo on my face. Summer going into senior year I went on accutane again and it made my acne so much worse because I kept using the epaduo and not washing my face or taking care of it. Finally after 4 months on accutane (second course) I stopped using everything and my irritation went down but my face still looked very bad. So from September- April I did 100s of hours of research doing any possible natural regimend to help my face. At the time my face had about 40 pimples on it at all times 1-5 whiteheads and many red marks. Not only did I have a lot of pimples but there all over my face and jaw line and a lot of them were cystic acne big ones to I have very big pores so usually when i get a pimple its not a mini one. I also began getting facials going to the gym x5 a week eating very healthy drink 8 waters a day and washing my face and moisturizing twice a day. It helped a lot dont get me wrong my acne went from very irritated and severe to mildly severe and not so irritated. But it didnt get rid of it all it did was keep it at a certain level which I dont want I want it ALL GONE FOREVER. From may to about June 10th I have been experimenting with different regimends moisturizers and cleansers with no luck really:/. I even tried the acne plan on this website but my skin is to sensitive for that regimend and it really irritated my skin and made my acne worse. I recently went back to the dermatologist for the first time since I stopped accutane and she put me on doryx I took it for about 2 weeks and it didnt help so now I'm on Minocycline 100 MG. I just started taking it a couple days ago she also put me on a Sodium Sulfacetamide 9%- Sulfer 4% Wash which Im going to start using tonight. As of now my acne is the best its been in a long time but its still bad I would say i have about 15-20 pimples on my face at all times many red marks and its all either on my forehead or jaw line. Which is strange because my forehead was always the place I never got acne but I got one big pimple on my forehead about a month or so back and popped it and now I have many:/. I also get whiteheads SOO easily I can pop a pimple or even leave it alone and in matter of an hour ill have a raging white head. I have about the worst acne as it can get but I will never give up and keep trying new things untill my acne is gone because Im a good looking kid with lots of friends girls like me so I know once this is all over my life will be great.
Now for the depression part:
My depression is about a 10/10, I feel like im not as good as anyone else because all my friends have clear skin and I dont I cant bring myself to get with girls because I feel like im not good enough I think so poorly of myself its awful. I go to a small school so when people hookup everyone knows so I feel like if I did get with someone people would make fun of me and my acne. Even now I have liked this girl for months and she likes me but I cant bring myself to ask her to go out or anything because I feel like Im not good enough for her or anyone for that matter. I would rather see her happy with someone else then be made fun of for being with me. When people make fun of my acne It kills me on the inside because im so self conscience about it. Its only happened a few times because people know if they talk about my acne I WILL fight them so if anyone talks about it they do it behind my back. When im with my friends everything is ok because they make me so happy when I party and hangout with them and it helps me forget about my acne for a while, but when Im alone all I think about is my acne it depresses me so much. Especially since May my depression has multiplied x2 because I feel helpless I wake up feeling miserable having the first thought on my mind is my acne. I cant eat because im so depressed and whenever Im alone i go into the bathroom every hour crying in the mirror because of my acne, I cant look at myself:(. I try so hard to get rid of my acne and have done every option Im looking into laser treatment now so hopefully that ontop of the new meds I got will clear me. I dont know how much longer I can go on like this the depression hurts so much, I can really use some help and some good people to pick me up when Im so low because I cant do this by myself anymore. I have thoughts of suscide and just not going to college all the time but I will NEVER do that because I know I can get through this if I keep trying. Any tips advice or help will be SO APPRICIATED. I feel sorry for all you out there with acne because I know how painful it is and how hard it is to put on a smile when your hurting so much inside. Anyone can also contact me if your feeling low and I will try and cheer you up:)
Thank you for taking the time to read this I hope to meet some new friends on this site