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Clean? No. Clear? You've Got To Be Kidding...



I'm fed up.

For some reason, I could handle acne a lot better when I was younger. Sure, I'd feel down about it, but I could bring myself to put on my make-up and, although I was aware of it, acne wasn't something I thought about every few minutes. I wasn't constantly aware of these horrible bumps on my face. Most importantly, I don't remember it stopping me from doing things, like seeing my boyfriend at the time. I didn't visit sites on how to get rid of the acne, because I wasn't obsessed, and my self-esteem was a lot better then.

Now, aged 20, looking in the mirror is something that takes a lot of courage. Having to look at myself close-up, in full light, whilst I apply my make-up can control my whole day. I seem to plan my life around the state of my face. When I realised this a few weeks ago, I didn't know whether it is my skin that has changed, or whether it is me. Now I think it's a bit of both.

I used to have pretty oily skin. My nose would get quite shiny, and I'd end up having to use 'blotting' sheets on a regular basis. Unless I used Clearasil, I didn't have dry skin. In face, it was pretty much the opposite. I learned to stay away from Clearasil after my first proper break out; it did wonders for clearing up my skin in a short period of time, but it would be dry as hell for a while afterwards. But even then, dry skin wasn't a massive deal-breaker for me when deciding whether or not I should go out. Yes, it was annoying, and I preferred not to have it, but now if I have to go out/go to work when my skin is dry, all I can think about all day is coming home and taking off my make-up. My pre-occupation with this doesn't necessarily affect how well I do my job, but it does affect my social-skills, which isn't great as I'm not exactly blossoming in that area as it is.

Nowadays, my skin is always dull-looking and it is dry about 80% of the time. A week ago, I made the mistake of going back to a really soft skincare range I used to use before I realised that one of my triggers are products that are not oil-free. I was hoping that my skin would go back to how it was when I was younger: manageable. Soft, moisturised and not so high maintenance. On Saturday, however, I got my first nodule in about 6 months, and since then I have ditched the range and gone back to Clean&Clear, which is oil-free, but means that my skin is dry a lot of the time. If I look closely in the mirror to inspect the state of a spot, I immediately regret doing so when I catch sight of my unsmooth, cracked chin I don't know how to treat. At the moment, I have spots around my jawline, which is quite rare these days, as well as painful spots on my chin. Oh, yeah, and blackheads on my nose. I just want the acne to go away. It is not severe, but it is definitely moderate, and I am so damn pale that even the smallest mark is noticeable.

I feel like if I moisturise that little bit more to try and get rid of the dryness, I have a break-out (mainly due to hormonal issues, I think), and then I'll use BP, or Clearasil spot cream to try and get rid of the spots, and then it just gets dry again- hence a never-ending cycle! Seriously! This is driving me crazy!

I really hope that it goes away for good soon, because I don't know how I'll cope if it's still here when I'm in my mid-20's. I don't even want to think about that.

Rant over!


wow you sound exactly like me. thing is, i'm almost 26. don't let it take over your life as long as it did mine. i can totally relate to being at work and not wanting to talk to anybody (and i'm a massage therapist and pretty much have to talk to my patients, but at least they're faced down lol) but i hide in my room and don't come out unless i have to. i base everything on my skin and i'm sick of it. i'm going to the beach in less than 2 months and i'm freaking out because right now i look like a monster and can't even imagine stepping foot on the beach without makeup on. =( i'm going to try a new product line as soon as i can get the products here. hoping i can have it somewhat under control by the end of july so i can enjoy myself. i didn't go anywhere last summer because of my face. pathetic! it definitely was easier when i was younger. i'd just cake on the makeup and leave. not anymore. it takes me hours to control the crying and before i can put makeup on and look half way decent. i'm pale too, and i notice that when i get out of the shower, everything looks so much worse because the water irritates everything. i try to tell myself it'll calm down but i freak out and just get even more red. ahh! anyway. you're not in this alone. i'm here if you need to talk! =)

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Hi! Sorry- I did reply to your message and when I submitted it, it took ages to save and, well... long story short, I have absolutely no idea what happened to my original response.

Thank you so much for your message! :) In a really selfish way, I'm relieved that I'm not looking at/dealing with this in a really weird way, and that other people feel the same as me. I am so similar to you in the way in which I will hide in my room when my skin is acting up, and only come out when it's really necessary. Wow.

I also know what you are talking about when you say you're hoping to have your skin under control by a certain date. You then treat that date like it's a deadline and you work so hard. I really hope that things are better for you by July, and I really appreciate your offer. :) Please also feel free to vent to me if you need to!

Also, why do you think it was easier to deal with your skin when you were younger?

Speak soon! x

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lol I hate when that happens =P

Yes, be glad that you're not dealing with this in a weird way. I am not handling it good, but not doing anything crazy. Just crying a lot. I'm going to see a doctor on Monday for depression. =/ I've always known I had some form of depression (it runs in my family) but now that my skin freaked out...it's even worse. I just want to feel normal again.

Thank you, I hope your skin gets better soon too! I just ordered some products recommended by a friend on here. I'm very sensitive to BP and salicylic acid doesn't do much for me. So this new product line I'm going to use is a sulfur treatment. I'm really hoping it does the trick!

My skin most definitely bothered me when I was younger. I used to cry about it all the time. But it wasn't nearly to the extent of how it is now. I never really inspected my skin like I do now. I've always woken up first thing in the morning and ran to the mirror to check for new ones. That's something I can't wait to break a habit of. But in recent years I get super close to the mirror and angle my face every way I can into the light to check for bumps and blemishes. I used to be really bad and hack the shit out of my face with extractors, tweezers, and needles. I still do use a needle when necessary, but I'm getting much better at only popping when necessary. I have so many zits these days that it's not even worth going after all of them =( ahhh. But anyway. When I was younger I think I was just too damn busy to really let it interfere with my life. I also lived at home and had people around that constantly knocked on the bathroom door, so that interfered with my rituals. Now I live with my boyfriend, but he leaves for work at 6:30 a.m. and I usually don't go into work til 3 or so... so that gives me all day to be a nutcase about my skin. I haaate it! Really can't wait to get my hours changed so I am forced to get out of this apartment and forget my face for a few hours. I just went to the store and got some Clearasil adult tinted cream...it's got sulfur in it. So I figure I'd use this until my products come next week. my face looks like I smeared chocolate pudding all over it. Nah not that dark but I still look ridiculous. Luckily my boyfriend is a sweetheart and doesn't give a shit =)

hope you liked my rant lol! talk to you soon!


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Hello again smile.png Haha yes, nothing like a good rant! tongue.png

Sorry to hear you're feeling bad. It's definitely a good thing that you're going to see the doctor if you're feeling that down. The last time I went to see my GP about acne, and I explained that I was feeling down, he jokingly (I hope!) suggested that I put a bag over my head! I am sure that the person you see will take you very seriously, and they might be able to suggest some stress-relief techniques that will hopefully make you feel a bit happier.

I've recently taken up yoga. I've only been doing it for three weeks, so I can't say I have noticed any significant changes, but I am hoping I will after a month or so. I'll let you know. smile.png

I can totally relate to waking up in the morning and the first thing on your mind is your skin. I've never gone to the mirror first thing (waaaaay too much of a coward for that!) but I would wake up and run my finger over my face to check for new bumps, if existing ones had decreased in size and also that 'bruised' feeling that indicates a new spot is on its way! It's amazing how that little inspection can lead to a ruined day.

As of last Wednesday, I have been trying sooo hard not to touch my face other than for cleansing and moisturising, which is nice in the way that I'm not freaking out about new bumps in the morning, but I don't know how long it's going to be before I cave!

Is Sulphur meant to be very good for you? I have to admit I am not totally clued up about which ingredients you should use and which you should stay away from! And your boyfriend sounds like a good guy!

Do you enjoy your job? It sounds interesting.

I hope everything goes well on Monday, and that your new products are a success!

Speak soon!

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thank you for the support =) i was just having a meltdown and came on here because it always calms me down.

i can't wait to get to the doctor tomorrow and start my journey to getting healthy again. i have my good days and bad days.

someone actually suggested i try yoga. i might do that eventually. let me know how it works for you =)

jeez, that woulda pissed me off if my doctor told me that! my mom went to the doctor on friday to talk to him before he sees me. he's her doctor and she's on anti depressants too, so she wanted to make sure he could help me. he told her he thinks i should talk to a psychologist too. ugh. i never would have thought i'd be in this situation!

good for you for not getting up and touching your skin. or checking in the mirror. i wish i could do that. i used to touch my face in the morning, but i don't do that because i'm afraid i'll spread bacteria or something haha.

yes, my boyfriend is a great guy. don't know what i'd do without him! =)

sulfur is supposed to be good for acne i guess. i don't know a whole lot about it, but from what i've heard it's just as strong as benzoyl peroxide but it's safe for people with sensitivity to BP. i'm a little worried because that clearasil shit burned my face. but i didn't know i was supposed to build a tolerance to it. i just kinda globbed it on and left it on for 12 hours. whoops!

sorry this rant was depressing! hopefully in the near future i will be more excited and have better news to share =P

hope you're having a good weekend!


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So sorry this is such a late reply; things have been very busy here!

Are you feeling better after visiting your doctor? A psychologist isn't such a bad idea. It sounds scary, and I know where you're coming from when you say you never thought you'd be in such a situation, but talking to someone about your feelings might really help you out. smile.png Particularly if it's not something you talk about a lot with your mum/boyfriend. Talking to someone who is essentially a stranger might encourage you to speak about thought/feelings that usually embarrass/inhibit you. It's probably quite therapeutic! Haha smile.png

Haha I totally crumbled with the not touching my skin thing. It's really not in a very good condition at the moment, so I am constantly aware of it with or without running my fingers across my face. Wahey. wink.png

How is the sulphur treatment going for you? Did the bad reaction fade quickly?

Don't worry- your rant wasn't depressing in the slighest! I just hope that venting about it is making you feel a bit better. I know I feel better when I get annoyed and rant about it. smile.png

Speak soon, and sorry again about the late reply. I really am very bad at this sort of thing. I promise I'll respond quicker next time! wink.png x

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Hi =)

So it'll be 2 weeks on Monday since I've started taking my antidepressant and I've noticed a big difference in my moods. =) so that's good! I no longer lay around sulking and cry over things. I'm pretty happy about that because I really didn't expect the pills to kick in for a few weeks. I am actually looking forward to talking to the psychiatrist. I have no problem talking to my boyfriend & mom, but my doctor wants me to talk to a professional. Which I agree. My mom and boyfriend are definitely good listeners and give me the best advice they can offer, but the psychiatrist will be able to tell me what to do. Not looking forward to the cost of this though! =P

I got my new products last thursday in the mail and I'm very happy with them! The reaction I had to the clearasil actually took 3 days to heal lol.

So what's going on with you? By the way, where do you live? I noticed you said "mum" =)

Talk to you soon!

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Heeey :)

It's so good that you've noticed a difference in your moods, etc. so early into the treatment- you must feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Do you know when you're first seeing the psychiatrist? I bet they'll be really helpful. It's great your mum and boyfriend are so supportive.

Have your products started to make a difference? And at least you know about the effect of the Clearasil now!

Nothing new is happening with me, really. Last night, I bought a cleanser and moisturiser from an English product range called 'Amie'. I read a good review about it the other day, so I'm hoping that may be successful in keeping my skin moisurised, but not oily. ;)

Haha yep, I live in England. The weather is also crap here most of the time, as I'm sure you know, so I have very typically pale English skin. So annoying! Having said that, it was very hot and humid today, despite a thunderstorm, so I've had to tie my hair back as I hate it when my skin feels greasy from the heat.

How is work going for you? Do you feel a bit more confident about it now?

Speak soon! x

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