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Blah, today sucks. . . well yesterday sucked too becaues just like clock work my face has broken out and I have dont nothing to help it. . . just picked the shit out of it which i know is wrong but in my sick head I always think it sounds like a good idea at the time. I have been really cutting back on my picking habit and when I dont do it I love my skin, then I squeeze a bump one night and then start everywhere else its a sick twisted cycle.

i know that by the end of this week/start of next my skin will have started to heal but Im sick of going through this whole process, I didnt even bother wearing concealer or foundation to work today I was that fed up, I know that we are all going through the same thing and some of us are on different programs, regimes, have differnt types of acne, different severity of acne - but at least we all know what it feels like to feel like you're the only one that understands the humiliation you go through.

I wish i was stronger and didnt care about it so much and didnt let it effect my plans for the week or who I'm going to see, or re routining my way to work so I dont pass certain stops, its exhausting.

Anyways, i just had to bitch b/c no one else around me wants to hear it :) haha

Just a little bit about my program - over the past four months of switched BC's which was promised to make my skin better (it didnt) and it made it worse I started getting large breakouts that would heal and then start again. So I am back on orth tricyclene which I have been on for years before going off of it for the past three months to try seasonale out. and my skin has greatly improved. My derm said i would experience an initial breakout b/c my body needed to adjust to the new hormone levels yadda yadda and she was right. I am thankful that the breakout isnt painful or cystic but its just a few red swollen papules and then a cluster of tiny red inflammed bumps on my right cheek by my mouth :(

I just feel hideous and it doesnt help when you work at a plastic surgeons office and advise people on their skin, ugh. I hate my job sometimes.

Anyways I know things will start to get back to normal once everything levels out so I am hopeful, just discouraged at the moment.

Here is my updated routine:

AM: Wash with Skin Ceuticals LHA Cleanser - Every other day apply thin layer of Obagi's Theraputic Lotion(soluble 5% BPO) - and moisturize with 100% organic jojoba oil. *some times I apply a thin layer of 100% organic aloe vera gel if I know its that time of the month! just for extra protection. ;)

PM: If I wore a lot of make up that day I will precleanse with an Oil Based cleanser by Dermalogica called pre cleanse - then I will wash my face with Skin Ceuticals LHA cleanser - light layer of the obagi BPO again - spot treat larger areas if i have them with skin ceuticals blemish and age defense (1.5% salicylic acid) - then sleep with skin ceuticals clarifying clay mask on larger blemishes - and of course apply a nice helping of jojoba oil

Orally I rely on just BCP Orth TriCyclne as of late. The week I'm off the pill I take Dong Quai to keep my hormones balanced as well as evening primrose oil. I also take a daily mulitvitamin, flax seed oil, and acai berry. I do feel that it helps

Anyways, I will post pictures later on . . . someone give me something to smile about today . a funny story, picture, video, or can anyone relate?



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I heard this on The Simpsons a couple of weeks ago and thought it was hilarious. Makes me laugh every time I hear it. Hope it does the trick! tongue.png

Anyway, you're certainly not on your own and there are plenty of people who can relate to what you're dealing with and how it makes you feel. You're not on your own with the picking either - I've picked my face to shreds this last week from pretty much nothing at all and that's never a pretty sight.

Give yourself credit where it's due because going without your makeup and so on is a big thing. Anything that takes you out of your comfort zone is an achievement and when it's something that you would use to quite literally try and mask your insecurities, I think that takes guts.

I can relate to going through those healing phases and cancelling plans in the process. Know how frustrating it can be. I cancelled my plans at the weekend after picking like crazy and I haven't even left the house since. Got to tomorrow though, for a job interview. Not the best timing when my confidence has taken a hit, but I guess that's self-inflicted and it's my own fault so I'll just have to suck it up.

Totally understand how changing your routines and stuff and having your skin on your mind all the time can bring you down and you're right, that is exhausting, but you can at least say that you're taking positive steps to improve your skin and leave all this stuff behind. With any luck, you'll be able to curb the urges to pick too and that will eventually become less of an issue for you. Plus it's good that you feel your regimen is ultimately making a difference too. Fingers crossed that it keeps making a difference and that things start getting better real soon. smile.png

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I can relate completely. I also avoid places unfortunately because of how self conscious I am about my skin and how i look. I know people dont see it as bad as i do..but i will always feel that they do. I just keep telling myself to think positive and it will/is getting better!

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i'm in the same boat as you guys! i picked pretty bad the other day and now i'm deciding whether i want to go to my mom's this weekend. lol. it's sad we're ashamed to see our own family. i know they could care less. but when my face is bad, my mood is bad. and all i think about is my skin getting better. it takes over my mind and my life. i wish i could get past this! it takes some guts to go without makeup! i could never do it. i have a huge cyst on my chin that i popped and made 4 times the size yesterday and caked it with makeup and it still looked like shit. everybody tells me not to let it stress me out so much but it's easier said than done!

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Happy to help. That's how we roll! tongue.png

Speaking of helping, I read what you said about the job interview but didn't get time to reply this morning. That was great advice and you certainly gave me a boost, so thank you very much. Pleased to report that, having smiled my way through it, held my head up and showed confidence.... I got the job! I start on Monday! biggrin.png

Anyway, back to what you asked me before...

That whole "getting through rough times" has been a hard one for me. I struggled with acne for thirteen years and even though it wasn't severe, it was enough to knock my confidence in a massive way. Truth be told, I didn't really cope at all. I shied away from all my friends and there came a point where they just stopped making the effort. Can't blame them I suppose. I finished my education, having been bullied all way through because of my acne, and then just hid away for a while. I never really got back on track and still haven't built any good friendships and things. That's hard, it feels like I've been left behind because of all the time I hid away, and my lack of confidence and self-esteem still stop me from putting myself forward. It's a gradual thing I guess.

I had a job up until last July but I was so super-conscious about my skin by that point that I just couldn't handle being there. It drove me to distraction, I fell way behind and eventually got fired. So you're right to keep things in perspective and make sure as much as you can not to let it get in the way of your job and things like that because because that only makes things so much worse.

You know, the advice you gave me is sound and you would do well to apply that to yourself, too. I know a girl who has a major problem with skin picking and sometimes she will cause lots of damage to her face. But the thing is, she has the brightest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen and I swear that when she smiles, all the blemishes and redness and stuff seemingly fade into the background. As a side-note to that, I believe that the best form of makeup a girl can wear is a smile. Perhaps it's a cliche and makes me sound stupid, but I think it's true.

In terms of coping, I think the main thing is to tell yourself that people don't see your skin the way you do. Personally, whenever I had broken out, that would be all I'd see and I'd plan everything around it. Or I'd just flat-out cancel everything, as the case may have been. I allowed it to define me and control what I did or didn't do. That went on for so long that it became my default way and I didn't know how else to be. Even so, I'm still pretty sure that if you can find it within yourself to go about your business and not put your focus on your skin, other people don't focus on it either. I'm the same now with my habit of picking, in that it's a problem sometimes and, like I said earlier, it's been a problem lately because of my nerves relating to interviews and stuff. When I've done what I've done and caused damage, I then have two choices - let it win or carry on regardless. Admittedly, I often make the wrong choice and I bail, but I gues that's my loss. I know it's the wrong choice so hopefully I'll eventually be brave enough to start making the right one, and then keep making the right one until that becomes my default way instead.

As for your picking, just take it one day at a time and pay attention to what your triggers are. If you can manage those in a way which means you don't fall back on picking as some sort of release or coping mechanism, you will be able to phase it out. It's a habitual thing so it takes time to alter your thinking, but it can be done. If you pick along the way, don't sweat it. Don't beat yourself up because we all slip sometimes and it's all part of the journey as you pay attention to what's causing it and how you can influence that in a positive way.


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