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Day 23

lb111923

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officially hate my derm and need another one. after waiting OVER AN HOUR to see him last night for our ten minute appointment, i told him i felt like i had a lot of clogged pores. he looked at me and said "well, most people would love to have your skin. but if you've already been on accutane, which isn't an option now, your skin won't be perfect, and there's not really anything else i can do". i get that my skin isn't bad, but there's definitely some things i'm not comfortable with, which i pointed out to him. he said "well your skin has a lot of bumps, but that's what retin-a does. it makes your skin bumpy". now i'm not a dermatologist, but i'm pretty sure the way retin-a works is that it brings everything to the surface, THEN IT STOPS. why would anyone use retin-a if they just kept getting bumpy skin?! so i told him that, and he was like well, you never know. so i asked him about a couple options (mainly increasing the retin-a dose) and he had NO HELPFUL answers. basically his only answer was "you could try it, but you never know". i PAID YOU MONEY to tell me less information than i could have gotten googling. i understand that maybe he was trying to give me some perspective, but you can't tell someone who is very clearly stressed about their skin that there is a problem, then not give them any options for fixing it. especially because i know there are at least a couple things i could try. i know it probably sounds like i'm being very greedy about my skin, but at least TRY to help. i'm SO FRUSTRATED.

so of course when i got home i had a little bit of a breakdown to my boyfriend, who looked at me like i was crazy and said he had no idea what me or my dermatologist was talking about (he's the best). but i want to feel pretty and confident about my skin...so i guess my options are to try some stuff the derm sort of suggested/agreed with me about, or to find a new derm who actually cares about what i'm saying and at the very least makes an effort to help.

i do think i need to chill out about being so critical about my skin. i'm definitely going to keep trying, and i'll use the retin-a .04 for at least a bit longer before switching to the .01, but i'm not going to think about it all the time. i need to learn to be confident with how my skin looks, which is not that bad, be grateful for that, and spend my time thinking about other things. i can be confident with the skin i have now, while looking for ways to improve it, and i want to work on that. worrying about your skin sucks, and i think it's taking away from other things in my life.



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