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Whoopdie F***in Doo

fettered2freedom

461 views

[Regimen Day 8]

Or... Why am I so crazy?

I'm gonna try not to get too down on myself here and try and just chug my water, because I broke a few promises I outlined in an effort to exert more control over myself last night in the 'note on wheat' comment.

Anyways.

4/2/2012 - Diet

  • Leftover brown rice, quinoa and kale with Bragg's liquid amino acids (so good) and a little lemon hummus mixed in (good girl!)
  • Herbalife allergy-free shake with ice, unsweetened almond milk, and cocoa
  • Four slices of.......... pizza........
  • A little bday cake I made for grandma (2/3 gluten free, avocado 'frosting', plenty of sugar and cocoa but whatever it was good)

So, ya know, this whole diet thing is obviously tough. What I ran up against today is the same as yesterday, which is just very intense nausea all day as well as some extreme bowel issues. I'm not sure if this is a little virus or what, but I'm putting my bet on discontinuation symptoms from this antidepressant I had been taking since February called Pristiq. Symptoms can be nausea, dizziness and a host of other terrible things. It's pretty rough, day 3 off this med, but I'm managing the best I can. I know this is all pretty unrelated to acne, but anyways. Here's the deal: my skin looks great in the mornings, red marks pale and bumps flattened and usually by the end of each day things look worse without necessarily getting worse - they just look that way.

Regimen is tough, I'm moisturizing and down to BP spot treatment post moisturizing once a day still.

Today I picked... I picked A LOT!!! I picked at every little thing, and then some. It was satisfying. Ugh. I know, I know. It's bad. I'm going to attach pix from my post-picking so you can see how red and blotchy I made my face, and I am posing with this cake which I am eating with my bare hands in bed. Glamour!

Sugar, gluten, picking your face and cheese pizza... all these things are purportedly BAD for your skin. I'm 28 and don't I know it. But this is MY BLOG, and I can do what I want.

It's hard enough managing going off psychiatric meds, then blabbing about it on the internet while trying to feel better about still having acne now that I'm so not a teen anymore.

Gonna just chill, take some more deep breaths, and forgive myself for I know not what I do...SIKE. I tooootally know what I'm doing, and obviously it ain't pretty. But the point is, tomorrow is another day. This nausea sucks, and weaning off meds sucks, not having a job sucks, and having acne is THE WORST OF ALL SUCKY-NESS - (actually, losing loved ones is way worse, now that I think of it). But anyways. Yadda yadda. Despite all these cheats and diversions, mad face rummaging and sugar up the wazoo - I think the regimen may just be working, albeit slowly.

It's good not to be totally perfect whilst conducting these scientific experiments on one's self. How else could I isolate the causes of success =/not= DKR without the occasional slice of pizza or birthday cake? (The picking, on the other hand...that's just something that's got to go, no matter what... and it's something I'll have to keep working on like an alcoholic in AA, 'one day at a time...')



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Yeah, the whole not-picking thing does seemingly need to be taken one day at a time. The main thing I found is that it's important to pay attention to the triggers. My urges to pick can be brought on by anxiety, so I try and preempt such situations. Feeling down and being in a bad or low mood also causes problems so I have to do a little extra work to keep my spirits up. Even boredom can be a trigger so I have to try and stay busy.

Personally, it's this compulsive, habitual thing whereby I'll pick regardless. I always thought it was just about my acne but I carried on picking after I got clear. I just ended up picking my face, or whatever other part of me I might have an unhealthy focus on. I looked it up and found the technical term, Dermatillomania. There are so many people out there who do it, with our without acne being an issue. I'm sure I can get a handle on it though, just like I got to grips with the acne eventually.

In both cases, it's trial and error. All about finding out what doesn't work and, in turn, what works best for you. Just like paying attention to acne triggers and picking triggers can go a long way towards working out what to eliminate, what habits to change, etc.. That gives back the control over our skin and over our feelings, which is ultimately all we want.

The good thing about trying to curb picking acne is that it actually gets easier as time goes on. The less you pick, the less the acne spreads. The less acne there is, the less there is to pick at. So that vicious cycle becomes a positive one which gets better and better. It doesn't actually take too long before things start improving and that's a great incentive to keep it up.

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Ahh this is SO true Paul, thank you for the input and support. I used to pick at my scalp until it bled so I'm a not so proud member of the OCD spectrum I suppose...

After I wrote that post I went back to the mirror and tried to squeeze out a cyst! Crazy! That is always the worst possible course of action, obviously.

That said, I've been layering the BP on reallllly thick and it seems to be working.

Coming off this anti-depressant is making me kinda bonkers so I'm just going to try and sleep it off these next few days.

Also trying to look myself in the eye before I pick... just really go deep and try to treat myself like a human, sometimes can curb the desire to pick, as I imagine myself as 'someone else' or whatever. Objectively, if that makes any sense.

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