Last night I did my usual routine but I also did a honey mask for a little while while I was in the shower. I just felt like my skin needed some pampering
I haven't worn make up all week except for sunday, its been hard going around and catching my scared up face in every mirror, pot and pan (and anything else that reflects an image) but I have hope that this will not be my future. Thankfully my scars are really just severe hyperpigmentation (aka 'redmarks'). I think I can see I might have one or two of the other kind (this is like the first time in years I'v been able to see this much of my face when it wasnt covered by something) but they dont look deep so I'm not too worried.
My forehead has decided to join the rest of my face in purgeing, but I suppose thats better that clogged pores. Atleast that's what I'm trying to convince myself of. I did my same routine this morning, I left the mask on for almost 20 minutes though because I was cleaning the bathroom and lost track of time. I do not recommend this. It left my face rather red for like 3 hours. Not a big confidence booster to say the least.
Highlight of day (so far) a friend said my skin looked smoother than she'd seen it in a while. Normaly I would have been offended that anyone dared to comment on my skin but since I had been worrying about how rough I thought it had been getting, her words were deeply appreciated
Last night I had a small sweet potato, water and alot of green grapes.
This morning I had way too many bisicuts and jelly (healthy jelly though)
I had a snack of green grapes
For lunch I had a mug of beef vegatable soup and flat bread and an apple.
For dinner I'm going to have a bowl of red lentil soup
I'v been praying that God would send me someone to help me be accountable with my eating. Its really hard for me. I'v never had a healthy relationship with food. I'v had alot of family pressure about my looks (and being the only one with acne hasnt helped), I was bulimic for all of my middle school years and even though I was able to quit I kept my binging habits and ended up gaining alot of weight. I went from 88lbs to 145 I know I can never go back to being bulimic, I can't stand to throw up anymore. When I had the stomach flu last winter I would pass out everytime I threw up because it grossed me out so much. Even since I'v become a christian I have struggled with ana tendencys. I even was for about 4 months. But I'm learning to place my trust in the LORD. Not in my image, not in some crazy lifestyle. I want to find my beauty in Him. But I also want to be healthy and not over indulge on food. To exercise in moderation and be fit, and to have a clear healthy complection so that I'm not so consumed about my looks. I don't want to become obsessed with it all though. I dont want to lose sight of the real goal; the purpose of my life. To glorify God.
I'm not sure why I shared all that. I wasn't planning to. It was just heavy on my heart. Please, if you have anything mean to say to me, or make fun of me or tell me how stupid I am, please don't. And if you don't agree with me, thats fine. It's your opinion. This is my personal blog. I'm not trying to shove my beliefs down anyones throat, if you read this, your reading it because of you, not me. I'm not making you read it or agree with me. But I also have the freedom to have my beliefs and to believe them.
I also hope no one condems me for my past. I was weak, I still am. Life is hard, but Christ is my strength, which is how I can say that I am, and will always be,