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A Deadly Assalt (Day 120-Something)


unblvbl

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Stupid redirect loop! I've been trying to publish this for about twenty four hours..! And now it is very overdue. I actually started writing it ages ago, but never got around to finishing it. And now it's so overdue, I feel like I just need to get it out there, even though it's substandard, and a more disappointing Christmas present than one holey sock (hey, the older you get the more exciting a proper pair of socks becomes because it means you didn't have to go sock-shopping, don't deny it. Everyone hates sock-shopping. Well everyone who's of a certain age anyway. And I don't want to hear any nay-saying from you young whipper snappers!). So anyway, happy Christmas, and merry holidays...!

...A tad late...

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As of Tuesday [side note: last week, because I'm slack] I've commenced holidays, for a whole two weeks yay!! Although, if I'm completely honest, Monday at work was a bit of a write-off, since I arrived late, then spent about two hours at morning tea, which melded into lunch, which became a chat session, which was later followed up by numerous people skiving off early (including me, using the justification that I had to fly out ridiculously early the next day, and hadn't done my packing yet).

Now I'm going to put it out there that I don't like packing. In fact I really dislike it. I'm not sure what it is, but I will whinge about it for about three days before it, and then during it, and then even after it for a bit (I know you're all wishing you could hang out with me during these times). As an example of the extent to which I will procrastinate from packing, on Monday night I found myself taking all my clothes out of my shelving, re-folding them, and putting them back organisedaccording to their clothing type, fabric, and relative usage frequency (I contemplated colour as well, but since I don't have all that many clothes that'd mean I'd have ruined the usage-frequency ranking)... Which meant by the time I was actually finished placing things in my suitcase, it was 1 am, when I needed to be up by 5 am to catch the train to my flight then next day.

My flight was okay though; the plane was only about two-thirds full, which meant I had a row to myself, score! I booked on my favourite airline too, so they provide food, drinks and entertainment (double score!). This was slightly tarnished by the fact that the movie they showed us was incredibly depressing (Spoiler alert for the italicised text): Jane Eyre. Seriously, I know it's supposed to be a classic, and a pioneer for women's movements, but does it have to be so bloody bleak? Girl is orphaned (sad). Girl gets adopted by aunt, and gets abused by cousin (upsetting). Girl gets sent to finishing school, and is abused (disturbing). Befriends another girl, who dies in her arms (depressing). Girl escapes and gets job at a country school, then as a governess to a ward of a imposing-but fancy estate (should be happy, but somehow manages to be gloomy and ominous). In order to not "ruin" the movie (if such a thing is possible for such a depressing movie), let's just say other stuff happens, before (you guessed it), more really sad stuff happens.

Even positive things that happen are mired by some glass-is-not-just-half-empty-but-actually-contains-poison thing. Come on, when you're flying at 30,000 feet in the air you do not want to watch a depressing movie about how some poor girl with no personality gets the heart and soul beaten out of her by a cruel and unjust life. Is it to much to ask for an uncomplicated happy ending? I think not. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Another thing that left a bad taste in my mouth was my apple and walnut muffin. Thinking I was going to console myself over the latest depressing turn of events in the movie, I blissfully bit into my muffin (I keep spelling it "muffing"), completely unaware that the universe was playing a cruel trick on me... Salt. That's all I could taste. I had bitten into a solid lump, about the size of a large grape, which was comprised completely, 100%, of unadulterated (okay maybe slight damp, but that's it) salt. Ugh! Okay, I know I said I loved salt, but this is ridiculous!

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The "apple and walnut" muffin (okay this is really annoying, my fingers just automatically write muffing). That soft white moist interior? Evil.

Ingredients: Salt (92%), other-stuff-that-makes-it appear-like-a-deceptively-delicious-sweet-muffing [I give up. It's easier this way] -from-the-outside (8%).

So besides a near-death NaCl poisoning, I landed safely in my home town. As soon as I step off the plane, I'm hit by 32-degree (metric) heat and a wall of humidity. We're talking 80%+ here. Ugh! You have to practically swim to get anywhere, and any remaining vestiges of makeup I may have had (I applied the basics at six in the morning to attempt to hide my lack of sleep and avoid scaring strangers, so I'm not sure if any of it actually made it onto my face at the time... I'm not at my most coordinated at stupid-o'clock) melted off my face. In fact I'm pretty sure my entire epidermis melted off. Uh ho... I think I'm becoming a Southerner.

And on the second day of holidays, my home town gave to me; a cyclone in the vicinity...

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Ha ha, happy holidays! I especially appreciated the sock graph. I think the same stands for towels. I got two towels and I'm so appreciative of these towels, I don't want to go towel shopping. Nor sock or underwear shopping. They're all dull.

I found the book to be the same and consequently only got through half of it. It's terribly dull and depressing, I think it's only a classic because of the whole women's movement...

Did I ever mention that you have OCD. Intervention: Well you are, you organised your clothing by clothing type and usage. STOP! (nah, I'm just jealous, I'm lucky if my clothing makes it to my drawers).

Bart, your epidermis is showing!! Wah.

Did you survive the cyclone?

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Om! Long time no see! I must admit, I had more than the allowable smirk over the sock graph, it pushed me into somewhat-embarrassing snort territory. Towels! I love towels. But I'm also picky. I'm a towelist, I like good quality towels that aren't going to shed their bright red fluff all over my body, making me look like a muppet (this happened to me when I stayed at my sister's house, after she considerately went out and bought a brand new towel so I had one to use).

Haha! I probably do, the tiniest bit. I was even told I had CDO the other day (OCD with the letters in their rightful orders). However this is healthily balanced out by a decent dose of lazy, which keeps it in check ;)

Okay I know I've been slack with blog entries, but where are yours?! I'm very disappointed. Don't make me Facestalk you Om...

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By the way, yes I did survive the "cyclone"! It was much-hyped, but very anticlimactic. In fact it was some of the calmest weather I've experienced on the trip. Ah BOM, how much fun it must be to play the throw-the-dart-to-predict-the-weather game!

And also, I stalked you anyway. In my defence, you and AyeAye have been very disappointing, and I need a dose of vicarious-living. So start posting more.

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Why have I been away so long when such an awesome blog was awaiting me. Stupid friend alert didnt work..... Ok, so I'm ashamed to admit that I was eating a bowl of rice while reading your entry and I snorted with laughter when I got to the graph and I got a grain of rice stuck up my nose.

5 minutes of lovely lady like snorting and blowing and the little fella popped out. I was going to take a photo of him to share with you, but to be honest, he just looked like a normal grain of rice. I was hoping for a more travelled and disheveled look.

And lastly.....how the hell can you not like Jane Eyre? Oh man, I've read that book easily over 20 times and each time I read it, I get warm in the heart. I enjoyed the movie a lot too, I thought it was wonderfully acted. Hmmmm.....you know what this means don't you? We can't be movie buddies. Unfortunate but true.

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Just looked at the graph again. Its truly a work of art. I'm pinching it and taking it as my own. My friends will think I'm so clever and funny. Got any other funny shit I can steal?

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I know, I have been MIA, sorry just dealing with a lot of stuff right now. But if you read my Homeless blog entry, you'd discover more about my life... Ha ha, I'll tell you, we got accepted for a private rental today. So I will be moving over the weekend!

So once I'm in my new place with the lines of the interweb connected, the hubs switched, and the router routing, I'll be posting some more.

AyeAye she has no excuse. She's just grown old, and started knitting socks, in honour of your beloved sock graph. Soon she'll start her embroidering of towels, perhaps with swear words, or more likely 'trendy' catch phrases. Although I would probably pay for an OMS towel.

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Hmm, I go away for a couple of weeks and they steal my sneaky sign in?! Sacrilege! At least I had funny comments waiting for me, and Om-y god Om's new blog entry waiting for me! :D

I have heaps of funny shit you can steal! Maybe I'll make funny graphs my entire entry, it'd probably be a lot more interesting, you guys must be getting sick of me talking about salt.

You got a house?? Yay! I was wondering about you, and hoping you weren't homeless in a ditch somewhere! Because you know, if you were, I would feel forced to feed you (not force-feed you), and put you on my blow-up lilo which has a hilarious (for me) tendency to deflate in the middle of the night, leaving the poor guest cold-bottomed on the tiles. Or at least force you to come around and use my WiFi so you can give me a new bloody blog ;)

She has no excuse! She's a wretched, sock-knitting towel-embroidering poor excuse of a blogger, and I would totally buy one of her OMS towels too!

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...By the way, I was simultaneously grossed out and excited about the prospect of a photo of the snorted rice grain. I think that makes me almost as weird as the photographer!

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