So, I’ve had a bit of a brainwave today. I’m not sure how that happened because I’m only usually good for one each year and I remember having one several months ago when I decided to make myself an awesome steak sandwich. Given that I can recall the occasion, it was clearly a brilliant decision on my part at the time. Now, I’m a little concerned as to what happens if I’ve gone over my brainwave quota. I’m hoping that my head doesn’t explode while I’m asleep tonight because I’d hate to wake up dead in the morning.
Anyway, about this brainwave... I’ve decided, after ten long years of long hair, that I’m going to get it cut. Its only function is to keep my ears warm and that’s nothing a decent hat can’t fix. In case you were wondering, the reason this qualifies as blog material is because it is the result of correspondence with a fellow member of the wonderful Org, regarding skin care, body shape, appearance, self-image, blah, blah, blah, I found myself agreeing with them that maybe I could get a haircut which might work better for me. I’ve always thought that it's probably an acquired taste anyway, especially where attracting the ladies is concerned, and as someone who has zero ability to do that, the last thing I need to be doing is falling into “acquired taste” territory. Not only that. I've found that I’m becoming more and more self-conscious about it, like it stands out in a negative way and doesn’t do me any favours in general, so I’d like to remove that particular source of anxiety. No idea what look I'd go with though and I can’t help but wonder if I’m destined to feel rubbish about my appearance whatever I do, but there's only one way to find out...
Reckon I also need to start working out a bit and eating better. I wouldn’t say I’m as skinny as a rake. Rather, I make rakes look positively ripped! I don’t suppose that really does me any favours either and I’m pretty self-conscious about that as well. Time for me to drop and give me twenty. Hmmm... that expression doesn’t really work when you’re referring to yourself. Anyway, guess I’ll have to dust off the dumb bells as well. I can see them from here, they’re over in the corner collecting dust, where they’ve been for the last two years.
First things first, I’m off in search of a pill which will take care of all this. Surely there has to be a pill which will give me a look I can pull off which has girls falling at my feet, give me skin everyone will be super jealous of, and a body Mr Universe can only dream about. A job which pays me stupid amounts of money to do nothing all day wouldn’t go amiss either. There must be a pill for this, like a multi-awesomeness supplement or something? If not, I’m going to have to get up off my backside and do it all myself, which sucks!
I’ve been given my orders by the aforementioned Org member: less chatting, more action! The rebel in me wanted to come and talk about it first though.
The biggest issue is my skin – always has been, probably always will be – and given that I’m struggling with that, I might as well at least try and work on these other areas. If there is one thing I have learned this year, it’s that I generally don’t like being me, and those feelings will remain no matter what my skin is doing. Plus, if I give myself something to work on, maybe that distraction will keep me away from the mirror because in recent months, the time spent obsessing over my acne and ultimately making it worse at every opportunity has been mental.
I’ll have to write myself an actual plan, set some targets and make sure it’s all feasible. Small steps, little and often. It could all add up to big changes. If I aim too high too fast, I won’t get there and I’d feel like I’d failed and so just wouldn’t bother. That’s how everything has turned out in the past. But if I be smart about it, maybe I can start to do things which change my appearance and body so that I start to gain some confidence in myself. The other stuff I’ve been focusing on where depression is concerned is obviously pretty negative in nature and, although it’s necessary to think about it and process it, sometimes the actions I take in that regard can just as easily make things worse. I don’t think any action I have taken in that area has actually improved things because it’s only caused me to dwell on things. That's my default approach I guess. So maybe if I leave it alone and be pro-active about other things, some of that negative stuff will start to work itself out and things might start to fall into place. Fingers crossed!