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No Pill, No Gain

PaulH85

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So, I’ve had a bit of a brainwave today. I’m not sure how that happened because I’m only usually good for one each year and I remember having one several months ago when I decided to make myself an awesome steak sandwich. Given that I can recall the occasion, it was clearly a brilliant decision on my part at the time. Now, I’m a little concerned as to what happens if I’ve gone over my brainwave quota. I’m hoping that my head doesn’t explode while I’m asleep tonight because I’d hate to wake up dead in the morning. dry.png

Anyway, about this brainwave... I’ve decided, after ten long years of long hair, that I’m going to get it cut. Its only function is to keep my ears warm and that’s nothing a decent hat can’t fix. In case you were wondering, the reason this qualifies as blog material is because it is the result of correspondence with a fellow member of the wonderful Org, regarding skin care, body shape, appearance, self-image, blah, blah, blah, I found myself agreeing with them that maybe I could get a haircut which might work better for me. I’ve always thought that it's probably an acquired taste anyway, especially where attracting the ladies is concerned, and as someone who has zero ability to do that, the last thing I need to be doing is falling into “acquired taste” territory. Not only that. I've found that I’m becoming more and more self-conscious about it, like it stands out in a negative way and doesn’t do me any favours in general, so I’d like to remove that particular source of anxiety. No idea what look I'd go with though and I can’t help but wonder if I’m destined to feel rubbish about my appearance whatever I do, but there's only one way to find out... huh.png

Reckon I also need to start working out a bit and eating better. I wouldn’t say I’m as skinny as a rake. Rather, I make rakes look positively ripped! I don’t suppose that really does me any favours either and I’m pretty self-conscious about that as well. Time for me to drop and give me twenty. Hmmm... that expression doesn’t really work when you’re referring to yourself. Anyway, guess I’ll have to dust off the dumb bells as well. I can see them from here, they’re over in the corner collecting dust, where they’ve been for the last two years. rolleyes.gif

First things first, I’m off in search of a pill which will take care of all this. Surely there has to be a pill which will give me a look I can pull off which has girls falling at my feet, give me skin everyone will be super jealous of, and a body Mr Universe can only dream about. A job which pays me stupid amounts of money to do nothing all day wouldn’t go amiss either. There must be a pill for this, like a multi-awesomeness supplement or something? If not, I’m going to have to get up off my backside and do it all myself, which sucks!

I’ve been given my orders by the aforementioned Org member: less chatting, more action! The rebel in me wanted to come and talk about it first though.

The biggest issue is my skin – always has been, probably always will be – and given that I’m struggling with that, I might as well at least try and work on these other areas. If there is one thing I have learned this year, it’s that I generally don’t like being me, and those feelings will remain no matter what my skin is doing. Plus, if I give myself something to work on, maybe that distraction will keep me away from the mirror because in recent months, the time spent obsessing over my acne and ultimately making it worse at every opportunity has been mental. sad.png

I’ll have to write myself an actual plan, set some targets and make sure it’s all feasible. Small steps, little and often. It could all add up to big changes. If I aim too high too fast, I won’t get there and I’d feel like I’d failed and so just wouldn’t bother. That’s how everything has turned out in the past. But if I be smart about it, maybe I can start to do things which change my appearance and body so that I start to gain some confidence in myself. The other stuff I’ve been focusing on where depression is concerned is obviously pretty negative in nature and, although it’s necessary to think about it and process it, sometimes the actions I take in that regard can just as easily make things worse. I don’t think any action I have taken in that area has actually improved things because it’s only caused me to dwell on things. That's my default approach I guess. So maybe if I leave it alone and be pro-active about other things, some of that negative stuff will start to work itself out and things might start to fall into place. Fingers crossed!

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"I’ve always thought that it's probably an acquired taste anyway, especially where attracting the ladies is concerned, and as someone who has zero ability to do that, the last thing I need to be doing is falling into “acquired taste” territory."

"There must be a pill for this, like a multi-awesomeness supplement or something?"

I had to crack up reading your blog. You are an endearing fellow, who appears to be working through a lot and is willing to be the change that he wishes to see. Yes, taking your focus off your skin and maybe looking at other things, (like setting a goal to look as ripped as a rake lol), while take the focus off your skin and help it heal!

I've really learned this year to love myself and accept my flaws. They aren't as big of a deal to anyone else anyway. I think somehow acceptance with ourselves is healing, and it somehow shows through our skin and our way of living and our being. :) Even if your skin is never what your ideal is, your flaws aren't going to be other people's focus. They will see a man who has joy, who is confident in himself and his future, and lives with purpose....which is in you some where :) It sounds like continue progress up this long hill :)

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Yes, that is my favourite metaphor now. I'm as ripped as a rake. I'm stealing it. ha ha.

Oh yeah, about the hair. I think you should consider a mullet. You're hair is the perfect length at the back, you just need to shave the top. Nothing says "I don't care about what you think" like a mullet. The ladies will love the self-confidence and audacity it requires to pull one off. Win-Win, I say.

But then I do think if you kept the hair, got ripped, and got a fake tan, you could be mistaken for Fabio. So maybe you should keep it. See, two perfectly sensible options there! :)

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Even if your skin is never what your ideal is, your flaws aren't going to be other people's focus. They will see a man who has joy, who is confident in himself and his future, and lives with purpose....which is in you some where :) It sounds like continue progress up this long hill :)

That's the plan I guess. Thank you for the encouragement! :) I wouldn't mind hiding away somewhere for several month and them immerge totally new, like a butterfly or something. Only without the wings, and the general pitfalls of being an insect. :P

Yes, that is my favourite metaphor now. I'm as ripped as a rake. I'm stealing it. ha ha. Oh yeah, about the hair. I think you should consider a mullet. You're hair is the perfect length at the back, you just need to shave the top. Nothing says "I don't care about what you think" like a mullet. The ladies will love the self-confidence and audacity it requires to pull one off. Win-Win, I say. But then I do think if you kept the hair, got ripped, and got a fake tan, you could be mistaken for Fabio. So maybe you should keep it. See, two perfectly sensible options there! :)

I'm pretty sure that unblvbl would come and kill me if I attempted the mullet, then she'd be after you for suggesting it in the first place. ;) I saw Def Leppard last night and they showed some old photos of the band on the big screens at various points. Some awesome 80's rock mullets going on. I could bring that back and get some spandex pants to go with it. :D And the whole tan thing wouldn't really work in England - I'd look so out of place given that it rains all year round and we only get about three days of sun. :lol:

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You're right about me killing you both, but wrong about the order; I'd do Om first (he's closer, and it's his fault), then flee the country to avoid persecution and go after you, hehehe.

I think it's a great idea to start trying to buff up, and get a haircut! Nothing like change to... well alter... Your perspective. And being in control of your body makes you feel more in control of your life. You'll be as beautiful as Fabio in no time! But with a very unexpected accent, of course ;)

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I'm trying to do similar things at the moment, I am currently achieving my list one by one getting more than 4 hours sleep a night, doing exersize, eating less white wheat stuff and more fruit/veg, get a haircut, start using moisturiser. I have started having at least having 5.5 hours a night, I have started a dance class/swimming and I use a moisturiser around my eyes and have had no adverse skin reaction to this so far...

the vital thing is to make changes one at a time (except haircuts which is a do it or dont do it kind of thing.... as opposed to working out which is a long term commitment).

I wish you luck and lok forward to seeing your new invented look.

Although I should point out, my boyfriends have always had long hair.... including my current one so don't change "women" unless you think it is a positive change for YOU. The right woman will like you the way you like you... if you get what I'm saying. Having said that I think short hair would definately suit you so enjoy if you do get trimmed (I loved getting a crop after years of having it long :D)

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I'm trying to do similar things at the moment, I am currently achieving my list one by one getting more than 4 hours sleep a night, doing exersize, eating less white wheat stuff and more fruit/veg, get a haircut, start using moisturiser. I have started having at least having 5.5 hours a night, I have started a dance class/swimming and I use a moisturiser around my eyes and have had no adverse skin reaction to this so far...

Oh cool, hope the new approach continues to work well for you! hifive.gif

I wish you luck and lok forward to seeing your new invented look.

Thank you. I'm still stuck on the, "what to do with my hair" situation. Feeling pretty down today after an argument with my Mum which was about my hair and my appearance and I don't want to do anything in anger.

I don't like any part of myself at all really and my Mum's always been vocal about her dislike of my hairstyle and she openly states she's ashamed to be seen with me in pubic.

Along with other family members, she has always been keen to point out that she never had bad skin like me. I just sort of group the whole "appearance" thing together, all parts of me and that includes my skin.

She told me today that if I don't get a haircut before the end of the week, I'll look a mess and it will be embarrassing when family comes over on Christmas Day. I'm not looking forward to it anyway so now I'd just rather be somewhere else entirely.

If ever I try and defend myself or even just ask her to stop, I get told to shut up, like a kid who has just answered back. Earlier, she went on to say that if I live in her house, I should play by her rules or I can move out. Seems that one of the "rules" is that it's acceptable to insult and offend me. At least I know where I stand I suppose.

Thing is, it's hard enough trying to like myself -it's not really happening at all to be honest - without the people I might have hoped would help me doing nothing but make me feel totally worthless, without any kind of provocation from me. Maybe I influenced it, like some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

It all just makes me more paranoid, insecure and confused. I mean, if my own family can think like this, what do the people out there think?!

Feels kind of pathetic, moaning about issues with my parents like a child when I'm supposed to be a 26 year old man... Oh well, here ends todays rant.... sad.png

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:D

dyaiqh.jpg

Not quite as drastic as I initially considered but it's a start. There was no shape to it before because it was all down my back. Now the front is level with my cheekbones and the back is above my collar. Kind of layered at the sides too which looks alright, otherwise I'd have ended up with a bob! :P

Sometimes, I used to hide behind my hair. I tried my best not to because it would have been too easy to do that and for it to become a crutch. Even so, it was easy to just put my head forward and let it fall in front if I felt the need so I probably did used to mask my face quite a bit. I guess people can see my face better now. I can't even tie it back, it's that short. Doesn't scare me like I thought it was because I don't feel like there's anything to cover up. My skin's totally clear right now which a first in thirteen years.

Between the hair and the clear skin, I feel a little strange at the moment, but in a good way. Kind of feels like all I've been known for over the last thirteen years is acne and long hair. I made the mistake of letting the acne define me and beat me down, so it's almost as if I don't quite know who I am without it.

I need to figure out a plan and work on that, have a think about who I want to be instead and how I can get there. Need to start getting things and track, learn to have a bit of confidence in myself and learn to like being me. Then I can try and put myself out there to find work, maybe start meeting people and making friends. Got to really because I'm just existing otherwise and letting life quite literally pass me by. Lost thirteen years doing that, don't really want to lose anymore.

So, here's to an awesome and hopefully life-changing 2012! :hifive:

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I like it I think it gives it some shape and yet you can still be you. I should blog up the things I need to work on after I get some stuff taken care of I need to do. I hope you are liking it too. Everyone has something to give. It's is finding our strengths that can sometimes be tricky.

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