Wow-wow-wee-wow, I've reached triple figures! That sounds a bit like I expected to die during the treatment or something, but what I mean is that I can't believe it's gone as smoothly as it has. Ok, there have been days where I've not felt great, and some weeks have seemed to go by slower than a nan carrying some thick bling, but the past few weeks have flown past, leaving great improvements. I've been using Neutrogena Blackhead Eliminating Toner which I found buried in my box of past attempts to kill acne. It never used to do much, but now, combined with my Accutane, it's fantastic. The 'tane seems to push the dirt to the surface while the toner helps kill it off-hooray for teamwork!
I said to my friend today "100 days now, that I've been on my tablets" and she said "you can really tell, I was looking the other day and realised how clear your skin is". My other friend then also nodded in agreement. It wasn't much, but it put a smile on my face, knowing that others can see a difference. I remember when it was bad and I had to cover it with loads of foundation. It took 3, sometimes 4, generous swigs of foundation to cover the mountains on my face, and now it only takes 1-1.5 little swigs. I can put it on lightly now and get just the amount of coverage that I need.
Of course something has to ruin this good feeling. My mam is extremely moody and is taking it out on everyone. Yesterday I was telling her that when I was little I would watch a cartoon character who used to eat baked beans without chewing them, and I would then copy this action whenever eating beans myself. I laughed, thinking about how silly I was, and she just turned and said "that was why you were so fat". Ok, I was really overweight when I was little, and normally I'd just laugh a comment like that off, but it was the way she said it, like she didn't mean it in a jokey way but to purposely hurt my feelings. It annoyed me so much because I was overweight because of family problems that I was hidden away from, even though I knew something was going on. Counsellors would come to our house and I was made to go upstairs while my parents and brother sat downstairs talking to her. I was often left to my own devices and would just sit alone in my garden, eating, seeing as I was too young to go out by myself and find something productive to do (I was about 10). Thankfully I've lost that weight now, and I can see the humour in being chubby as a kid, but it was just the way she said it, knowing the reason behind my ‘fatness’ was a lot deeper, and it really hurt my feelings. Now she's maturely going around the house, slamming doors and demanding cigarettes (even though she quit years ago-cigarettes that is, not slamming doors). She tells me off for being negative, but she casually walks around the house saying "my life is so shit" and various other depressing phrases. She was doing it this morning, when I was revising for a test I had that day, so I couldn't concentrate during the remarks, and afterwards due to thinking of the remarks. Consequently I've probably failed said test; thankfully it was just a mock. I understand that mams have bad days too, but I hate it when people take it out on others. She's literally looking for any little thing to spark an argument from, like she enjoys engaging in them. In addition, she is happy and nice to my 20 year old brother who's hardly here, but I feel she's uninterested in me and only ever talks about depressing things with me. If my brother talks to her she stops what she's doing and listens attentively, wheras when I talk she continues watching the TV, reading or whatever she's doing. If I complain that she's ignoring me she says 'I wasn't I'm just tired' or 'I was watching something'. It might be because my brother's always out and is considering moving, so she's making an extra effort to make home look enticing, but it makes me feel so unwanted sometimes, like I did when I was shoved upstairs when the counsellor came.
There's so much more I wanna rant about but I'll spare you all I might be overreacting but that feeling of treading on eggshells is creating a build up which I had to get out. I hope her mood improves tomorrow because I can't take another day like this. It's going to cause arguments which will affect our Christmas, I just know it -_-.