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Day 77! - I. R. Aunt Bessie.

Renn17

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Hi, just thought I should let you know I'm still alive and consuming enough fatty foods that I'm beginning to look like Aunt Bessie, and the redness of my face gives me a similar blush to her, which is just fantastic...

I have a huge blue bruise on my upper arm from where a bucket of potatoes fell onto me this morning. I think they were drawn to my Aunt Bess-esque aura and wanted me to make them into some roast potatoes. I never used to bruise, and it's only since 'tane that I've been getting some whoppers. It's quite exciting actually, knowing you're going to get a bruise after injuring yourself and waiting for it to appear-oh, what form will it take? The shape of a country? An animal perhaps? Or maybe an exotic plant or a biblical code?... I'm sad and lonely.

I honestly have very little to add other than I've been feeling pretty down. I feel like my confidence has fell again and I'm not sure why, and I generally feel kinda crap eusa_boohoo.gif I'm sick of 6th form, but then I think 'all I do is go to 6th form-my life is 6th form', which makes me feel like my life is really poop. I wish I was one of those naturally confident people that could just socialise with anyone without getting sweaty palms, avoiding eye-contact and getting a twitch (yes, my upper lip sometimes twitches when I'm really nervous, it's so embarrassing sad.png) It's frustrating because I know I have a big personality but it will only come out when I'm with my close family or when I have the assistance of a keyboard and screen. I feel like I have a person I don't like taking over my body and pushing out the real me, but I have no idea what to do to stop it. Sorry, this sounds so sappy and over-dramatic but if I don't vent I'm just going to explode. I always feel like this but usually it stays as a niggling pain in the back of my head, but whenever I start to PMT it comes centre stage and upsets me.

Anyway, I have recent pictures in my gallery if you're interested in how my skin's looking smile.png



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Yeah, I guess it's pretty normal to have a bucket of potatoes just sort of hanging around... eusa_eh.gif

I saw your pictures yesterday and I think your skin is looking beautiful. The progress is awesome, and indeed every other word which basically means awesome. Honestly, pleased to see that and I reckon you should be really proud of how well it's done. My only concern is that your gallery appears to suggest that your head actually starts at your eyebrows. I'm beginning to think you don't have a forehead! wink.png

Sorry that you're feeling down. Sad to think that you feel you're being held back somehow because I know very well how that feels I know that it's even worse when you can't quite put your finger on it either or instantly know how to fix it. It's never quite as easy as simply "snapping out", as people might say.

It's good that you recognised it rather than just brushing it aside. Would be logical that any dislike of sixth form which you currently have, as well as those feelings of not quite being yourself, struggling with confident, etc. are what's bringing you down. Maybe you can look at those areas in their own right and see what you can work on, or if there's anything you can change to improve each of those situations.

With the social situations, confidence and being who you want to be, perhaps it would be a case of tapping into who you are here and who you are around family, then carrying on with that approach amongst friends and new people rather than mentally splitting them into categories. I know it's not easy, I could have written a book on what not to do and how doing what's going to be most helpful is always the hardest thing.

Perhaps you could bridge the gap by going into social situations with family members, if that's feasible. I don't know, siblings or cousins, something like that; anyone you're close to who may fit the appropriate age bracket and so on, whose presence would help put you at ease. Just a thought off the top of my head, I could be way off the mark. The point is just to have a think about what practical steps you could take to build your confidence and learn those skills over time and in a way which works best for you without feeling any pressure from it.

Don't forget that nobody is instantly born with that natural confidence you're talking about. It just doesn't happen like that. Besides, anyone who would be super, over-the-top confident like that would be super totally annoying anyway! Everyone goes into new situations for the first time and nobody is totally confident in that instance. At best, they are fake it or actually go to great lengths to create a certain impression. There's a lot to be said for taking the, "fake it 'til you make it" approach, believe me.

Even if it is with the aid of a keyboard and a screen, I know that there's a kind and friendly person behind these posts. You're extremely funny and always make me laugh. There's a strong character and personality which comes through, you've always something to add and plenty to say for yourself. It's obvious to me - and yourself, hence feeling down - that all the qualities are there. Sounds like you just haven't found the right situation or the right people you're comfortable enough with to let that shine through. If I were close by, I'd certainly come and hang out, whether you liked it or not. :P

Don't stress about it, Renn, you're awesome! hifive.gif

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I like telling people their birthmarks look like exotic countries, or misshapen animals, so I totally get your bruise fetish. I have never once recognised biblical code though, that's a new one, haha!

I must admit I had to google "sixth form", since I didn't have a clue what it was! I kind of thought that maybe it was out grade six, which meant since you were 17 you'd been kept back like five years. I now know that it's your final year of secondary high school, or our equivalent to grade 12. Blegh. I think I had my rebellious phase then, much to my parent's dismay. I turned 18 and discovered alcohol and boys shortly before that (okay not so shortly for the alcohol). I think if I get a chance to meet myself back then I will kick my own arse, so you're doing better than me. Seriously, I was a shit. You on the other hand, are a gorgeous, hilarious, crazy, witty, intelligent person with more personality than words in a blog can hold, even with the pictures (which apparently tell a thousand words, although I think we could've written an entire omnibus for Rattus P. Rattus and his club foot / tendencies towards deviancy).

So you get no sympathy from me ("No soup for you!"), because you are awesome, whilst I was a hormonal, pudgy, insecure, braces-ered (perfectly cromulent word), self-obsessed poo of a human being. Needless to say not much has changed since then, except I lost my braces and some of the weight, and got a few spots! ;)

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You don't have a bucket of potatoes?! You have not lived my friend.

Thanks! and :lol: I just noticed the no forehead pattern in my gallery. I have a large forehead like Patrick Star, it would just take up too much space. Also, my forehead is really clear pretty much all of the time so it has no right to be on here.

Yeah I guess you’re right that nobody is naturally confident, but I do know scientists have recently (literally in the past few days) released evidence that there’s definitely a gene linked with a person’s ability to socialise (BBC news article) not that I’m assuming I’m lacking this gene because I know I used to be pretty confident. I feeling a lot better today, so I’m 99.9% sure the ‘womanly cycle’ plays a major role in my ability to block out stress and negativity.

Maybe I haven’t found the right people, I do feel like I get on well with very few people my own age (not that I get on brilliantly with OAPs and not teens, but I feel there’s not many people on the same wavelength as I am) Perhaps next year, if I get into Uni, I’ll finally get some confidence back when in a new setting.

Thanks Paul, once again you have provided a comeback to my depressingly low tribulations of a teen. Glad to say I felt better today so I think my hormones have settled down a little-thank god. It was only a matter of time before I captured, killed and consumed some innocent stranger :P

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My bruise predicts the end of the world! But I can't tell you because it said it's a secret. Yes. It talks.

:lol: 'kept back 5 years', you must have thought I'm a little 'troubled' IQ-wise until looking that up. I'm boring, I haven't had a rebellious phase and most likely never will. The hardest thing I've ever done is yell at a dead leaf that was stuck on my shoe. And Unblvbl (:o I did that in one swipe of the keyboard-I'm getting better) you are too kind and so you must also refer to the last paragraph of my previous post directed towards Paul, that now belongs to you also. If I could I'd put some cute hug emoticon here but I can't remember what it is and there isn't the little helpful table to refer to on blogs...

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Dearest Renn, your knowledge of the emoticon codes leaves a lot to be desired! tongue.png

We've got this little fella comfort.gif That's "comfort". I tend to go for the "hifive", it's kind of a more manly way of attempting physical contact with someone if you're a bit emotionally backwards like me. lol.gif

(((((((((( BIG TELEPATHIC HUGS ALL ROUND! )))))))))) biggrin.png

I read that report about the social gene. I'll just say I haven't got it, would explain a lot!

It's the same with the ages of kids actually, where they fall in the school year in relation to how they progress and develop all their skills. The youngest kids in the year are maybe six or seven months younger so they're not quite as naturally developed by comparison. My birthday is August 31st so I was always the youngest kid and I certainly think that had an impact because I always came to assume that everyone was ahead of me in everything and I felt inferior before I'd even got started. I should actually have been born in the October so I would have been one of the oldest in that case. Strange to think that if I'd been born then, I might have been someone totally different, taken totally different paths, and perhaps wouldn't be sat here writing this right now. Spooky! Damn my impatience to enter into the world! Irony is, I've been lazy and totally late for pretty much everything ever since! lol.gif

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':comfort:' Looks more like a type of illegal grooming to me, and with my 'sexual predator' look I have described in previous blog entries it would surely put me on a criminal list of some sort...I'll be butch and give some hi-5 luvin' :hifive:

Wow, 31st of August, you'd think they would have put you in the year above really. You were 2 months premature? My birth was boring in terms of dates-born on the day predicted-but I wasn't breathing when I was born which makes it a little more exciting :P I find the whole butterfly effect creepy, especially since seeing the film, which really confused me because I thought I was going mad when the ending was different but apparently they made 4 alternative final scenes (which is just greedy :lol:)

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I quite like :comfort: I think it's nice.

That's it now, don't ever think you'll be getting a smile-inducing pat on the head from me in future. It'll just be a hi-five and you can take it or leave it, see if I'm bothered! :D

Yeah, I was about 50 days early, something like that. I stopped breathing too. I survived, in case you were wondering. Then I spent about 3 months in an incubator. Originally, my Mum thought she was having a girl in the October and I had always been referred to as Rebecca. Safe to say that I haven't been quite what anyone expected right from day one! Then they gave that name to my sister four years later, like, "Oh yes, this is the daughter we should have had in the first place." Charming! :lol:

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-Gasps- I'll take it if it's going to be a rarity! It might be worth something in the future on the modern version of Antiques Roadshow. The best emoticon has to be catdance.gif It is so unnecessary, yet at the same time a basic need in the world of blogging. It can work as an awkward moment smasher for everyone, e.g for a doctor: "Your nan's dead...catdance.gif". Or for a cheating husband: "I've been having an affair for 20 years with a man named Pedro...catdance.gif" What else can I say? I just works.

Hey, all the cool kids are born lifeless cool.png And how nice of them! tongue.png

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