Been a very slow week, feeling ill and sorry for myself, struck down with dreaded man-flu. Nobody brought me any chicken soup either...
It was kind of convenient as I'd made a mess of my face and didn't really feel like seeing anyone or going out anyway. I know that's not exactly looking at the bigger picture in terms of what that represents, nor does it actually take care of the problem, but it seems perfectly logical when you're right there in the moment. I wish I could stop harming my face and causing myself this physical pain. I know it's a reflection of how I feel about myself and that's not a good way to be thinking at all. Even now that it's healing I still don't feel any better about it because I can still see what it represents and that's with me all the time.
Not much to report about my skin really. I made it look gross, it responded by breaking out a bit more, repeat cycle. That's pretty much all that's happened. I'm supposed to be going to see a band tonight but don't really feel like it. Fed up of going places by myself and feeling so out of place. Those kind of feelings were raised as a topic in a therpay session this week. That's the only time I've been out and I almost wish I hadn't gone. The group spent the entire session talking about how they sometimes avoid going out with their friends. I sat there with nothing no contribute, on the basis that I don't actually have any friends to avoid. After an hour or so, our therapist asked me if I had any thoughts on the matter and I said that I did not. When she asked why, the only thing I could reply with was indeed, "I don't have any friends to avoid". Safe to say, that was a pretty low point.
Spent a bit of time chatting online to a girl I've been getting to know since the summer. Probably shouldn't have relied on that particular form of communication because it's just another thing which allows me to hide away yet still feel vaguely part of something. Again, it seems perfectly acceptable in the moment. Anyway, I was starting to really like her and was wondering if I should do something about it, but then she sent me a message saying she needed to talk to me about this guys she's been seeing. She's trying to work out if he's into her as much as she's into him. Apparently I'm the best person to help on account of being "such a good listener". Hello, friend zone!
On a positive note, I replaced my broken PS3 with a new one. I haven't even played it yet, I just like looking at it because it's all shiny and new. Yes, I am in fact, a Magpie.