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PaulH85

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Not much happening, sat up on the middle-of-the-week hump known as Wednesday, although I did jump down off the aforementioned hump this afternoon to go to my first group therapy session. Today, I learned that you have to try and take a light-hearted approach to these things because spending two hours in a room with a group of depressed people can be a bit, well, depressing! wink.png

Mainly, I was just happy to have somewhere to go, a few new people to talk to. I miss that and feel pretty out of touch. I don't suppose I was ever really in touch, socially, but I miss having what little contact I did have with people when I was working.

It was nice to get to know a few people as well. We split off into pairs to make it a bit easier at first. I got talking to a girl called Michelle, kind of felt sorry for her in a way as she's the only girl in the group. I think we all went into the session feeling like we were the only ones dealing with depression and it wouldn't have been fair if she had felt kind of on her own in the group too, as all the guys instantly started to pair up.

I found myself feeling rather saddened by the stories I heard; each person in the group touching on their issues and the things they're held back from in life as a result. It upsets me to see people who aren't reaching their full potential when they clearly want to. The ironic thing is, I'm in the very same position! I don't know, I just feel this need to want to listen and help people, Kind of strange to be on the other side of that and let people help me.

I reckon I know the cycle I'm in, I know what my triggers are and I know what needs to be done to stop it. It's the fear of putting it all into action which stops me because I've no belief in myself. I kind of feel like my very own therapist once I start thinking about it, feel pretty connected to what's going on in my mind I suppose.

I reckon what I really need is a life coach; someone to bring out the best in me. I need Mickey from the Rocky movies. Rocky didn't have a clue what he was doing before Mickey took charge, he turned Rocky into a world champion. Not that I want to be a boxer, but if that just sort of happened and I become world champion, don't suppose I'd mind that. tongue.png

What I also need to do is not give a shit about my skin. That's it, bottom line. Just not care about it because I can't imagine that anyone else really does. And anyone who does have an issue with it wouldn't be worth knowing anyway. That was proven to me in school by all the morons who decided to bully me about it. I should have realised at the time that they only mattered because I let them. They shouldn't matter anymore and I certainly should be letting the past hold me back like that.

It's easy for me to say this right now of course, my skin's looking good. Wait and see if it kicks off again, then see if I change my tune... rolleyes.gif

Not much else to report really. Oh, I've been tasked with cooking lunch for the family on Sunday. My sister's decided to invite everyone over, only I'll be staying there at the weekend so I've got to help cook. I reckon we should just order pizza.

The night before, commonly known as Saturday, I'll be taking pictures of Britney Spears. Her tour rolls into Sheffield and I decided get myself a pass and put my camera through its paces. Meh, something to do I guess... smile.png



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Not fair, why can't I suffer from depression and go to group therapy. Don't know why you get to do all the cool kid stuff all the time Paul. ;)

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Way to Go, Paul! You're so funny and give such good advice. I like the part about you being your own therapist sort of, i'm the same in the sense that I know what Is wrong with me, I just have trouble facing the reality because it hurts to much. Nice point about the people in your life too, the ones that matter will stick with you nomatter what. Listen to the song the middle by jimmy eat world if you get a chance, it makes me so happy! I hope you keep smiling, because your smile is great!

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I reckon you're strong and smart enough to be your own life coach, you just have to want it, and be brave enough to do it. Accept help along the way, for sure, but realise it's just help, and not a crutch. Think of it like chemistry. You want to react and change, and by doing that you need to introduce new things into your life, or change what you're doing with what you've got. Now you've got energy, because you're bright enough that you can sit around and eventually the reaction will take place. Buuut if you accept a bit of help, and be a bit stubborn with your perspective and yourself, that'll act as a catalyst, and speed the process up.

Okay it's very late here, my brain is fried, and I think I've been staring at chemical formulas for too long. Plus I'm pretty sure that made no sense, but I'm too tired to be bothered to proof read it- Sorry! Hehehe.

G'night!

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while i know my comments late but i just read now :P

just want to say I can definately see a counsellor in you :) besides being the up and coming celeb photographer u are so going to be soon! so keep going, work through stuff and i definately think counselling is something you could persue as you are good at giving valuable advice and encouragement

YAY for Paul!

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Well, that's pretty much made my day, FG! Thanks! biggrin.png

There aren't that many people I've really talked to about the group therapy (I just figured out what GT stands for! wink.png) but everyone's responded in the same way. Initially, it was something I was going to keep to myself but then I would have just been carrying on doing what I'd done for all those years before, keeping things inside and not being able to deal with it. In that respect, my blog here is perfect for that because it's essentially about something else which I've kept to myself for so long.

In the time I've been on the Org and shared my experiences of acne, it's helped me a lot. Taken me most of this year to process it all and also get my skin under control, but I'm making great progress these days. The biggest changes have been since I started group therapy last month. I realised after a couple of sessions that I had to tell them all about my history with acne and when I did, everything changed. I've always felt like people would never accept me or that I wouldn't be worthy of being accpeted, whatever the hell that means. Problem is, people can't accept you if they don't know who you are so you have to let them in and tell them who you are. I had to tell them my story and say, "This is me, this is why I'm at where I'm at." Nobody thought any worse of me for it. If anything, they thought more of me and actually liked me as they started to get to know me. Perhaps I need to learn from what I've done over the last couple of weeks and try and put myself out there.

As I was saying before, the response from people here and a few other people I've shared stuff with has been pretty much the same: that they think I'd make a good counsellor. It's certainly crossed my mind and there's a huge buzz from helping people. Helps me as well so it's win-win. I don't know if it's feasible - I don't even have the most basic of grades from school in order to get into the appropriate university course sad.png - but it's an idea and it's something I'm intrigued by. Maybe there are other avenues I could go down and given that I've got two therapists at my disposal for the next month, might as well talk to them about it and see what options there are. smile.png

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