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Meltdown.. Any Other Perfectionists Out There?

ambchick

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I swear I am bipolar. This is just not my day to win... To begin with, I am miserable because I picked a teeny bit on a spot at my face and it oozed a little, It made me so upset that I burst into tears... Pathetic, I know. Ya know when you cry and you just the whole time worry about how much worse your skin is getting as the tears are running down you're face? I hate it, I hate this misery. I just splashed some cold water on it and then put on a bit of concelear and powder so I can pretend my flaws arent there any more. The acne infused life of a perfectionist is absolutley insane. Anyone ever felt this way?



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:comfort:

If your moods are dictated by your skin and your skin is known to fluctuate, then your moods are going to go up and down in relation to that. I totally understand where you're coming from and yes, I do feel that there are direct comparisons to being bipolar. The difference is - and I believe this to be a blessing - is we know the root cause and we know how to address it.

There are plenty of times when my mood can change maybe two or three times during a day and difference in moods really will be polar opposite. The day itself in terms of what I have planned or what's going on around me won't change at all during those swings in my mood. The only thing which changes is the condition of my skin and, sadly, it's usually at my own hand. The ironic thing is, I'll usually end up stood in front of the mirror because it happens to be looking good and I'll be admiring whatever progress I can see. But then maybe I'll catch sight of something and pick it, pop it, whatever. Next thing I know, I'll have been stood there going crazy at it for maybe ten minutes, take a step back and my mood comes crashing down as I've undone all that progress and made my overall complexion at least twice as bad in the process.

In your case right now, there are positives. You picked one spot, that's all. Credit yourself with not doing any further damage and for stepping away. And don't be so harsh on yourself because, honestly, you're not pathetic. Far from it. Even if you were, I fall into the same trap you just described quite often and I'm sure others do too so you're not alone. That in itself doesn't make things better, but it's important to know that you're not the odd one out in feeling this way.

I think what's probably key going forward is the acceptance that you may not be able to get "perfect" skin. It's just not constructive to want to obtain perfection because we're only human and we have our flaws. The thing is, you can be beautiful as a person - inside and out - regardless of those flaws. Some may say that in itself is perfect and it's certainly what matters most. Don't forget that.

Also, you could take this as a warning and learn from the experience because when you're on Accutane and that starts doing its thing maybe in a few weeks, there's every chance it could give you an initial breakout and you need to be strong enough to get through that, right out the course and its side effects to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

((((((SENDING BIG TELEPATHIC HUGS YOUR WAY!))))))

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:comfort: If your moods are dictated by your skin and your skin is known to fluctuate, then your moods are going to go up and down in relation to that. I totally understand where you're coming from and yes, I do feel that there are direct comparisons to being bipolar. The difference is - and I believe this to be a blessing - is we know the root cause and we know how to address it. There are plenty of times when my mood can change maybe two or three times during a day and difference in moods really will be polar opposite. The day itself in terms of what I have planned or what's going on around me won't change at all during those swings in my mood. The only thing which changes is the condition of my skin and, sadly, it's usually at my own hand. The ironic thing is, I'll usually end up stood in front of the mirror because it happens to be looking good and I'll be admiring whatever progress I can see. But then maybe I'll catch sight of something and pick it, pop it, whatever. Next thing I know, I'll have been stood there going crazy at it for maybe ten minutes, take a step back and my mood comes crashing down as I've undone all that progress and made my overall complexion at least twice as bad in the process. In your case right now, there are positives. You picked one spot, that's all. Credit yourself with not doing any further damage and for stepping away. And don't be so harsh on yourself because, honestly, you're not pathetic. Far from it. Even if you were, I fall into the same trap you just described quite often and I'm sure others do too so you're not alone. That in itself doesn't make things better, but it's important to know that you're not the odd one out in feeling this way. I think what's probably key going forward is the acceptance that you may not be able to get "perfect" skin. It's just not constructive to want to obtain perfection because we're only human and we have our flaws. The thing is, you can be beautiful as a person - inside and out - regardless of those flaws. Some may say that in itself is perfect and it's certainly what matters most. Don't forget that. Also, you could take this as a warning and learn from the experience because when you're on Accutane and that starts doing its thing maybe in a few weeks, there's every chance it could give you an initial breakout and you need to be strong enough to get through that, right out the course and its side effects to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. ((((((SENDING BIG TELEPATHIC HUGS YOUR WAY!))))))

You are a lifesaver. You're messages always target right to the root of what I'm feeling,and I cannot express in words how grateful I am to have someone who truly understands exactley how I am feeling. You're constant empathy and support never cease to put a smile on my face. This world is crazy, society almost seems to frown upon us expressing ourselves, but we are made to FEEL! Not be robots, and I am so happy to have found a place where I can unedit my thoughts and have others relate. I have done my best to not touch anything, I have been rubbing alot these past few weeks, not so much picking, i dont dig, because I am afraid of getting bad scars. All the damage I have done seems to be quite minor, I guess I just have trouble making epace with my falws because in todays society, people judge you so much on what you look like instead of the person you are. I hope you know how grateful I am to have someone who is helping me through this, I hope every dream you every have comes true for you because at the very least you deserve that, and so many more good things. I think that one day we will all realize that nomatter how deep the pain we get from things such as this, life does go on. I am making an effort to stop thinking that to get people to like me I must have perfect skin, but I just need to smile and be at peace with my flaws. How is your skin doing, and how is life? Hope you are well! Sending sympathetic hugs your way too! :)

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Aww, very sweet of you to say that. Thank you.

Honestly, I just call it as I see it. Truth be told, I generally tell people to do the opposite of what I did for a very long time, and still sometimes do. Like with the picking, for example. It's kind of hypocritical of me I suppose, but at least I can now be sure of what to do and what not to do, and also what happens when we do things to our skin which we perhaps shouldn't. Although, having that knowledge and being able to help others does make me feel at least a little better about myself in general. If it helps others and I feel better in the process, it's a win-win situation. Plus the empathy and understanding I have - the only good thing to come from having acne, I believe - are traits I can carry forward when I've won my battle and I can use them to become a better person.

It's taken me such a long time to work these things out, roughly about thirteen years which is half my life, but I think I'm finally getting there. Certainly, the regimen I've stuck with for a while seems to stabalise my skin so it's not too oily or too dry, and I've been taking Doxycycline for five weeks now and I've got a few vitamins and supplements on the go which I assume are doing the trick. The newest picture in my gallery was taken on Saturday and I had no active acne at all. Got a couple of pimples now but I can't say I really care. That picture is quite literally the first one of me smiling since I was about 14 years old; speaks volumes in terms of how I felt about my image for so many years. In fact, I posted it on Facebook and there are people who have said that's the first time they've ever seen me smiling and looking happy. Kind of saddens me to think that how I've felt about myself on the inside for so long probably did show on the outside as well. I guess that explains a lot...

Aside from the progress with my skin, I don't really have much else going on at the moment, as lame as that sounds. I'm unemployed at the moment as I got fired from my job a few months ago, struggling to find any enthusiasm these days. Working on it though, I'm actually starting group therapy sessions tomorrow. I did some-one-to-one cognitive behavioral therapy sessions last month and that was good, helped me understand a lot of things and a lot of negative behaviors and thought processes I've put in place over the years with acne and they're the things which have held me back. I'm hoping the group sessions will now give me some practical advice on how to use what I've learned so that I can gain some confidence and self esteem for pretty much the first time ever, then I can start to get things on track, learn to like being me, and create a happy life for myself. I'm a little anxious about going to the group sessions if truth be told; nervous about talking about these things with strangers. But, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it and it probably won't be anywhere near as bad as I imagine.

smile.png

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Aww, very sweet of you to say that. Thank you. Honestly, I just call it as I see it. Truth be told, I generally tell people to do the opposite of what I did for a very long time, and still sometimes do. Like with the picking, for example. It's kind of hypocritical of me I suppose, but at least I can now be sure of what to do and what not to do, and also what happens when we do things to our skin which we perhaps shouldn't. Although, having that knowledge and being able to help others does make me feel at least a little better about myself in general. If it helps others and I feel better in the process, it's a win-win situation. Plus the empathy and understanding I have - the only good thing to come from having acne, I believe - are traits I can carry forward when I've won my battle and I can use them to become a better person. It's taken me such a long time to work these things out, roughly about thirteen years which is half my life, but I think I'm finally getting there. Certainly, the regimen I've stuck with for a while seems to stabalise my skin so it's not too oily or too dry, and I've been taking Doxycycline for five weeks now and I've got a few vitamins and supplements on the go which I assume are doing the trick. The newest picture in my gallery was taken on Saturday and I had no active acne at all. Got a couple of pimples now but I can't say I really care. That picture is quite literally the first one of me smiling since I was about 14 years old; speaks volumes in terms of how I felt about my image for so many years. In fact, I posted it on Facebook and there are people who have said that's the first time they've ever seen me smiling and looking happy. Kind of saddens me to think that how I've felt about myself on the inside for so long probably did show on the outside as well. I guess that explains a lot... Aside from the progress with my skin, I don't really have much else going on at the moment, as lame as that sounds. I'm unemployed at the moment as I got fired from my job a few months ago, struggling to find any enthusiasm these days. Working on it though, I'm actually starting group therapy sessions tomorrow. I did some-one-to-one cognitive behavioral therapy sessions last month and that was good, helped me understand a lot of things and a lot of negative behaviors and thought processes I've put in place over the years with acne and they're the things which have held me back. I'm hoping the group sessions will now give me some practical advice on how to use what I've learned so that I can gain some confidence and self esteem for pretty much the first time ever, then I can start to get things on track, learn to like being me, and create a happy life for myself. I'm a little anxious about going to the group sessions if truth be told; nervous about talking about these things with strangers. But, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it and it probably won't be anywhere near as bad as I imagine. smile.png

You, my friend are an INCREDIBLE PERSON! Don't ever forget it, I had a therapist my sophomore year of high school before I went on accutane the first time. I can honestly say therapy is one of the best things ever because just talking seems to relieve so much stress for me, I love to make people laugh and smile so my therapist once told me I was the funniest patient she ever had haha. But I wish you all the best of luck with your situation, I think the group therapy is going to work wonders! As for the pictures, you LOOK AWESOME! AND YOUR SMILE IS WONDERFUL! So is your skin! Never forget it, we all only get one life, its crazy the things we put ourselves through along the way... Just makes us better people in the end. The only way to learn how to live, is to live. Lets show acne whose boss!

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