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It's Good To Share...

PaulH85

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...and because it’s so good to share and I’m kind like that, I’m going to share with you all the rubbish that is filling my head right now. That way, it becomes your problem and I’m free to get on with stuff I’m actually supposed to be doing and also retain important information instead of wandering around in a daze having forgotten what day it is or where I live. tongue.png

The thing which has been on my mind the most is, sadly and perhaps predictably, my skin. Because its overall state seems to fluctuate and because I’m silly and allow it constantly dictate how I feel, my moods also go up and down more times than Tigger on a pogo stick. All gets rather tiring to be honest. I’m starting to turn a corner following my last bout of face monsters and the resulting self-inflicted wounds. Not the last ones I blogged about, this is another lot. Yeah, I did it again. I’ll learn one day...

Anyway, that’s getting better and I might even feel like heading out tomorrow afternoon to see if I can meet Alice Cooper before his show here in Sheffield. Got a front row seat for the show so I'll be there regardless, but I don’t suppose I’d feel like getting my picture taken with one of my favourite performers ever if my skin didn’t look so good. As it stands, I might try and get the picture....

In other acne related news, I’m going to jump back on the supplement train. I had a good amount of success when I was eating better earlier in the year and also taking extra supplements and vitamins. Can’t especially afford to buy them right now, given my current lack of money and employment (that’s another thought for another paragraph to follow shortly) but hopefully the ends will justify the means. I’m also going to give Beta-Carotene supplements a go. For some reason, I’ve been dwelling on the fact that I couldn’t get Accutane and I think that’s why I’ve taken a somewhat negative approach to being prescribed Doxycycline. It may well help in the end but right now I seem to resent it, I guess because it’s not Accutane. But I had a think about this and donned my white overcoat and got all scientific about it. I figured that Accutane is essentially Vitamin A, so if I can get an equivalent dosage of said acne-busting vitamin from the Beta-Carotene supplement, I may well be able to get clear skin that way instead. Bit of positivity, get stuck into that and let the Doxy to do its thing, be kind to my skin in the process and see how I get on.

The science bit started to hurt my brain after a couple of minutes so my mind began to wander. Apparently, excessive amounts of Beta-Carotene can cause the skin to take on a yellow colour. Sometimes, my skin looks a little flush and goes red. Red and yellow make blue. If the supplement and my skin tone mix and I turn blue, I could join the Blue Man Group! Or become a Smurf! I call these, “light bulb moments”; suddenly a whole new world opens up based on this single idea, owing to its sheer awesomeness. Smurfin’ heck! I really do impress myself sometimes.

What else... oh yeah, I’ve eaten a whole jar of peanut butter in two days. It’s out there now, it’s your guilt now, deal with it.

Speaking of Tigger (he got a mention earlier, if you were paying attention) I watched the Winnie the Pooh movie this afternoon. Made me happy. I’ve seen it three times now. Obviously, because I’m so cool like that. Never forget, growing up is optional. There’s a lot of drama in it actually. Eeyore loses his tail and, as you can imagine, that would be a stressful experience for any Donkey, fictional or otherwise. It all works out eventually, but it's touch-and-go for a while.

If it’s not a childhood cartoon I'm watching, it’s something romantic. Honestly, I imagine most people would be appalled by my movie collection. Having said that, you can’t beat an happy-ever-after.

I watched ‘Midnight in Paris’ last week. This is the bit where I declare my secret man-crush on Owen Wilson. I’d have enjoyed the film no matter who was in it. A romantic stroll through Paris with greats from the worlds of art and poetry. What’s not to like? Although, it will never eclipse my favourite Parisian picture, ‘Two Days in Paris’. This is the bit where I declare my crush on Julie Delpy, although I don’t really keep that one secret.

Speaking of the delightful Ms Delpy, everyone should watch ‘Before Sunrise’ and ‘Before Sunset’ because they’re awesome. My aim is to one day find myself in a real-life version of what Ethan Hawke experiences in ‘Before Sunrise’, although my version wouldn’t end the way the first movie does. But then, that would negate the need for the second movie. Or the need to tell the rest of my story, or whatever. I’d be a rubbish self-publicist.

I committed to talking about money and employment earlier so I guess I should tick those off.

Money: I don’t have much, please send me some, thank you. Job: I don’t have one, please give me one, thank you.

I think I needed to take a few months out in order to deal with the self-imposed shame of getting fired. I’m good at making myself feel bad. Seems like a conflict of interests really. My former employer already punished me for my madness, there’s no real need for me to do the same. I’m done with that now. Here, you take it. Plus I’m bored. Time to search the situations vacant and see if I can create a new path for myself. Anyone know the number for the Blue Man Group Recruitment Centre? The sooner I find work, the sooner I have money. The sooner I have money, the sooner I can start saving towards going travelling next year. I’ve always wanted to go to Canada and have a look around, so that’s the aim for next year. It just so happens that there’s someone I know of who has really helped me this year through the toughest period of my life and I’d very much like to spend some time with her and say thank you. She lives in Vancouver which, conveniently, is situated in Canada. As The A-Team’s Hannibal would have said, I love it when a plan comes together. Hopefully, that one will.

Right, that’s all my mental baggage unloaded and successfully distributed amongst all you bloggers. I’m off for a nap! biggrin.png



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Notification alert!!!!

definately go get out house lol!! go to the show aaaand definately become a smurf they rock!

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Hey, enjoyed your blog and dry sense of humor. I agreee with FG, go out and go to the concert. And what the heck, take pictures with the band if you can. You may look at this moment 10 years from now and regret and have even more guilt for not taking the opportunity. Then you'll do a good job at beating yourself up lol.

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Of course you need to try and get a job. I would go absolutely barmy if I didn't work. One weekend of acting a hermit and I go a little silly.

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Of course you need to try and get a job.

You sound just like my Mum! wink.png Only, she crosses her arms and shouts it at me.

I'll figure it out eventually, I'm sure. I kind of want to now. For a while there, I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, figured I'd play to my strengths for a bit. tongue.png

Think I needed a bit of time to get my head around stuff because I lost control of control of a lot of things and was screwed over by people (my employers) who said they would help me if I started to help myself. So I did that and they took advantage of what I guess was a weakness and booted me out. Suppose I needed to process that. Think I essentially went through several stages; denial, anger, depression and acceptance.

The depression was the biggest thing, I had to get control of that otherwise I'd have been doomed to repeat the same mistakes again. Now that I'm starting to accept what I did and also what they did to me as a result, I can draw a line under it and work out how to move forward. I was thinking of it as a reinvention but that would imply that I knew who I was to begin with. As it is, I'll be looking to create an identity for myself, for the first time ever. I'm quite sure that everything happens for a reason and that, in the long run, I'll be better off out of there. I just to find something to show me that, and also hope that just one potential employer will look beyond my now dodgy-looking employment record and give me a chance. smile.png

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