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You Know In Harry Potter, When Houses And Shops Disappear And Reappear? (Day 63)



...Yeah, well that's kind of what happened to me today. Except without the reappearing thing. Okay I shamelessly used a pop-culture reference to hook you in, so sue me. It worked, didn't it?? And now I've got you in my evil clutches, I bet you can't wait to find out what happens in my exhilarating story.

So I head into the office, all bright and early (ha! I'm totally lying. I got a text message from a friend super early this morning, and when I read it I must've turned my alarm off. Ugh! I do that more than is probable. My subconscious wants me to sleep in... Okay my conscious probably does too, but that's besides the point! I need to stop including so many side notes in parentheses. And stop making them so long. They get longer than the actual message, which ruins the flow a little [or a lot]. Ha! See what I did there? Intra-parentheses parentheses; I seriously have a problem here! I need intervention!), and then during my lunch break head off to my appointment for permanent hair reduction. See? I told you I'd be honest. It's your choice if you read it tongue.png

So anyway, I tried calling them half a dozen time to confirm my appointment (they usually send me a text to do this. Oh Crap- again with the parentheses. Sigh), and the phone is disconnected. "That's weird" I think, "They must be having phone issues". So I turn up at the place, and BAM! Nothing. I swear, I walked up to where this shop used to be, and dust bunnies were blowing across the drive, while the wind whistled softly through the... lack of trees. This is in the middle of the city, after all. "What the-" I think to myself, as I approach where the entryway used to be. At this stage I'm feeling a little concerned, but still slightly hopeful. I mean, maybe the roof had a leak or something, and they had to temporarily evacuate? I'm a trusting kind of a person. Anyway, I walk up to the door, only to see this note:


Once I saw this I had a feeling of dread. Coupled with the phone being disconnected, this does not look good for my scheduled appointment. Yay! So the company's disappeared, taking with it my six months worth of pre-paid sessions... joy! Ugh. Probably gone into liquidation too, knowing my luck. So that's it; people are actually packing up their companies and leaving without notice, to avoid touching my skin, hahaha! Nah I'm just kidding. But I'm still pretty surprised that that could happen. An email from the company would've been nice! I guess they don't want people contacting them asking for their money back. Crazy!

So in a pseudo-acne update my face is still shitty, partly because I can't help but scratch at it, which stops the existing sites from healing before the new ones crop up, the shitty little bastards. Yes I'm cursing, because I'm cranky. It's so annoying! I don't even realise I'm doing it until it's too late. I'm vain enough that this does affect my confidence, so I had to slap on a bit more eye makeup today (nothing on my skin in terms of foundation, etc., of course). I did wear some of my new wooden beads I bought in south-east Asia for a couple of dollars each though (probably an entire family's food allowance for the day, ugh!), which cheered me up. It's nice wearing something bright when everyone around you is in serious grey and black work suits. I noticed a few eyes drawn to my necklace (I'm sure it was my necklace, because I'm not very well endowed in the chest area, haha!), and I like to think they weren't thinking "Sheesh, even those ridiculously bright beads don't distract from her spotty face!".


Now I thought I'd try my hand at dot-pointing something, as all the cool kids seem to be doing it these days! So, in no special order you get a regurgitation of whatever spills out of my head within the next five minutes;

  • Tomorrow my task is to wake up on time, get to the office on time (ha!), and clean my desk... And get back into data interpretation. Sigh. The desk cleaning will definitely be more fun! I like cleaning my desk, it makes me feel in control.
  • Also, I need to remember to bring in the treats I bought in Indonesia tomorrow for morning tea, including weird-flavoured Oreos (peanut butter and "ice cream" flavoured, haha!) and some coffee-derived lollies. Mmm, coffee...
  • Not sure what my weekend plans are yet, but they may include a visit to the pub, and will probably include a brunch on Saturday or Sunday morning with my bestie at my favourite brunch place.
  • Also, I plan to bake something this weekend. This is a pretty big deal for me; I come from a line of good bakers and craftspeople, and I have the domestic ability of Martha Stewart's prison guard. Or possibly less, I'm not sure. So I will try to attempt to cook something vaguely edible, like chocolate chip biscuits. I have successfully cooked chocolate slice previously, so I'm hoping it won't be too much of a disaster. Never fear, I shall post gloating photos if it is successful! If it's not, I will just never mention it again. Huzzah! Gotta love the monologue wink.png
  • Now I feel like I don't have enough dot points, so here's another one. Ha! Tricked you, muahaha! razz.gif
  • And just because I can't rely on my witty repartee like the other blog writers I'm competing with for your attention, and as such want to win over people's affection with irrelevant photos, here's a photo of my messy desk;




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Yes that is Facebook open. If anyone asks this was taken during lunch! Or after hours. Actually I think it was after hours.

That gorgeous, magnificent, majestic-looking plant on the right is Pansy, my spath, and the one on the left is his offspring, Squirt. Yes, I talk to them, and yes people think I'm crazy when I do.

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I can't use the pop-culture reference as an excuse as I've never seen Harry Potter so didn't have a clue. I was just being nosey! :D

For what it's worth, I'd be quite proud to have cultivated such a messy desk. It takes time and effort to avoid putting things away, I don't think people appreciate that. I had the messiest desk at the last hell-hole office I worked at.They told me to clean it before they fired me. I declined. :lol:

Anyway, just thought I'd check in, we don't want you sitting here blogging to yourself, do we! ;)

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Wow, you do have an extensive blog. I now feel really bad, I'm not sure how I managed to miss that! I promise I will now attempt to read it. Although, that may take a while... I am impressed by your parentheses, (I thought I was the only one that ended up having side-notes longer than the actual sentence), so please keep doing them. It's reassuring that I am not going insane.

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Ok, so I laughed so hard when I got to the "inter parentheses, parentheses" part that I spilt my coffee all over my keyboard....and now the a, n and space bar isnt working. I'm sending you the bill.

ps. I've had to type this at work, when I should be working. Yup.

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oh, and now I've just told Nicole about the parentheses, and we are both in agreeance that you write how we talk. We ALWAYS have lots of side notes when telling any story, and somehow we finally get to the point (except for the times we forget the point....Ooooh look shiney object).

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Hahaha! I just read this. Oh no, not the space bar!! The 'n' you can definitely live without, and the 'a' wouldn't be too bad if you just typed everything in txt sp3k, but you can't really do without a space bar! Unless_you_used_underscores_I_guess. Did you try unplugging it (if it's wired), inverting it, gently cleaning it and leaving it to dry?

Who is this Nicole?? She likes my eyebrows and my parentheses, I want her as my- Shiny object?? Where?!

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And thank you Paul, I am a little proud. It is quite unlike me, as when I get stressed I tend to try and put things around me in order, including sharpening other people's pencils (it's therapeutic, please don't judge me). You got fired?! I've never been fired at anything. I'm kind of jealous, I feel like that's a life experience everyone should have, like knowing how to stack the dishwasher, and having your shattered into smithereens by a gorgeous man (or is that just me?). What did you get fired from? You realise now you've opened that can of worms you have to tell all us nosey bastards all about it!

And Om, yes, yes I do. I make no promises about the quality or content of it though, it was pretty clinical (cough) at first, when I didn't realise anyone would read the bloody thing..! In fact maybe you just shouldn't read it. Yes, that'd be better, just forget about it. There'll be newer entries to read, I promise! And with more pictures... Did I mention the pictures?

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Oh I had a little read of my own earlier entries and they were so grownup! I'm quite proud of them....and now unfortunately my later entries have degenerated into the blitherings of a 12 year old. Look everyone...shiney object!

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I tend to try and put things around me in order, including sharpening other people's pencils (it's therapeutic, please don't judge me).

No judgement here, that's a productive way to pass time. Besides, it's fun to see how long you can make a pencil shaving before it breaks. The trick is to keep a constant pace because if you slow down and then try to speed up again, the shaving snags on the blade. Jeez... I'm so not cool! biggrin.png

You got fired?! I've never been fired at anything. I'm kind of jealous, I feel like that's a life experience everyone should have, like knowing how to stack the dishwasher, and having your shattered into smithereens by a gorgeous man (or is that just me?). What did you get fired from?

If, at any point, you feel like throwing away several years of decent work, all you need to do is start showing up for work late and leaving early, then lie about it on your time sheet until your boss eventually catches on and they boot you out because it's an easy way to cut back on the bills. There probably are quicker ways to get fired - taking it literally and setting the place ablaze, for example - but that's basically how I did it.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then, I shall begin...

My problems at work all started some time around March this year. I began to get anxious about things and started having panic attacks, primarily related to my acne if I'm honest. Ironically, it only kicked in when my skin started to clear. I'd always been seen as just "the kid with acne" before, so when I started to take that away, I don't suppose I knew who I was. I just started getting incredibly self conscious and started looking for other things about myself to find fault with. It began to freak me out eventually and I was struggling to leave the house in a morning so I was often late for work. Literally only by a couple of minutes, but it all adds up.

I was working for local government, processing benefit claims. It was basically data inputting. They give you a little cubicle on a bank of four desks, only the walls around it mean you can barely see or talk to the other robots people around you. I hardly had anyone to talk to, I got lonely, and I was left in near silence all day to dwell on these anxieties, insecurities and the feelings of panic, allowing them to build and get worse. In the end I started leaving early in order to try and get away from them.

They caught me fixing the times, which I was doing because I didn't really want anyone to know what was wrong, even though I could have actually done with asking for some help. They let me carry on and built a case against me for several months. I can't help but wonder if there was a duty of care on their part, or at least if my team leader should have been asking me why I was doing it, but, whatever.

So they hit me with this big file of evidence, statements from almost everyone in the office detailing the occasions when they'd seen me arrive late and leave early. Seemed like all my colleagues were happier to stitch me up than they were to see if I was alright, even though I was spending my working days slowly but surely having a breakdown.

So, that's pretty much it. I'm finally getting help with those issues now and starting to make some progress. Starting to feel better and getting to the point where I can move forward. The main thing I suppose I need to work on is my self esteem, learn how to like myself and learn how to be happy being me.

There's not much going on in my life these days and I do get pretty lonely a lot of the time, but I can work on those things one step at a time so no real need to stress about stuff. Hopefully, if I can find employment which isn't so isolating and allows me to actually get to know people and make friends, it will bring me out of my shell, then I can start to get my confidence back. smile.png

The end. biggrin.png

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Woah, that is pretty full on! Wow. I'm clinically honest (it's a problem sometimes), so I can't imagine doing that! You must've been pretty messed up to go to those extremes.

Sounds like you were quite depressed, so I'm glad you're getting help and making progress. I imagine finding work when a) you've been out so long, and b) you're fighting some emotional anxiety, would be pretty hard. Good luck!

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Well, I suppose I was just trying to find a way to cope and it's easier to avoid stuff than it is to face up to it. It just got out of control. I really messed up and I'm going to pay for it now because I don't suppose it'll be easy to find someone who will employ me with my new-found track record. Stupid thing is, I'm otherwise as honest as the day is long and I only ever wanted to work hard and do my best, so what I ended up doing wasn't me at all and I hate the fact that an entire company now thinks of me as a liar and a cheat. Even though I didn't enjoy the job, it was the only thing I had going on. Now there's nothing. Still, if I'm at rock bottom there's nowhere to go but up. :)

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