Given that I was asked to create a blog, assured that not having much to say - or only having negative things to say, as the case may be - didn't actually matter, here's a blog.
Despite not having much to say, I kind of felt like there's been a lot going on in my head this week and it's starting to bother me. Every now and again, stuff seems to build up and I don't leave much space to actually think properly. I feel like now is one of those occasions and, with nobody around to vent to, I figured I'd write it here. Need to put this stuff somewhere and it's probably best that I send it out into cyberspace and let it go.
Come tomorrow, I'll have been taking Doxycycline for my acne for three weeks. I've had two and half weeks of good skin. The last few days haven't been very good at all. I've always known that I was on a knife edge where my emotions in relation to my acne was concerned and the last few days have confirmed that. Having broken out on the left of my face, the right of my face and on my nose, I freaked out and made it so much worse. I also went looking for other things to pick at and essentially undid all the progress of those first two weeks in about five minutes flat. Sometimes, I really do hate myself for responding to my acne like this.
Today was my Mum's 50th Birthday and we had a party with the family at our house. I tried to stay out of the way as much as possible. Although my family love me, and I them, I wouldn't say that I'm especially connected to my elders; the ones I would go to for support and advice; the ones with more life experience who know things. Fact is, no matter how much experience they have, not one of them has ever suffered acne and every one of them has always gone to great lengths to point out that I "didn't get a face like that" from them. Kind of sucks really, I can't even remember when I last felt like I was really a valued part of the family. Can't really remember when I last felt like a valued part of anything... Plus, these days, I only end up fielding awkward questions about why I got fired from my job. Seems everyone has an opinion and everyone knows best. I just end up sitting there and taking it. Pretty lame really.
Feelings like this always seem to kick in after something good happens. I'd enjoyed the first half of the week, my skin was good, I was feeling happier, and I'd had a great response from local media about some pictures I took at a Katy Perry concert on Wednesday: http://s1105.photobu...mview=slideshow
But then my insecurities and self doubt kick in and I start to think that whatever I'd done wasn't very good and that it represents something I rarely do because I can hardly ever bring myself to go out and enjoy these things. It's almost as if my mind fights against me and pulls me back as soon as it notices that I'm feeling good.
I guess I'll call it a night, perhaps best not to keep this one-man-pity-party going for too long. But, as self-involved as it may be, I've let it out now so I'll try and move on. Here's to some positive future blog entries!