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29 Days To Accutane

rainydayam

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So I'm finally doing it! I've had acne since I was 10 or 11 and I'll be 21 in the spring. I've tried every topical under the sun and I've been on doxycycline for the last year which I started because I began to get cysts on my cheeks. It cleared up my skin wonderfully, but recently i've been having small breakouts on my cheeks again so back to my dermatologist I went. When I was younger I only really broke out on my forehead, back and shoulders. As I got older, however, I began to break out on my chest and cheeks with the occasional cyst on my nose. My parents are very anti-medications so before I turned 18 I was only allowed topicals. I've decided to start accutane now without the support of my family, my ex-boyfriend (we're still really close), or really anyone at all, but it's really the only thing left to do. I would normally just sit it out and wait for it to go away on its own, but recently i've been getting the feeling that it may not go away without some help. It's been getting worse the older I get and even more frustratingly, my twin sister's acne cleared up two years ago >.< ... I thought mine was next! The acne itself is not that bad and some people really do have it worse (I feel for you, i'm sorry), but my skin (due to my wonderful multiracial family) is the perfect shade of orangy/brown for hyperpigmentation. My dad is only half black/half white and because of his very light skin, he doesn't really get these brown marks, and my mom is half black/ half indian and avoided acne all together. They don't understand what I go through daily. I've not worn a bathing suit, tank top, low cut shirt or dress, or anything else that shows my back since I was probably 9 years old! It's time to do something about this (isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over again and expecting different results?)!

So yesterday I went to the dermatologist. She had offered me accutane 7 months ago, but because I was scared (and my acne was improving with Doxy) I declined. Yesterday we began the whole ipledge process (honestly the most annoying thing ever!) and I got my very first sex ed lesson (thank you catholic school!). EMBARRASSING. I'm not having sex, I've never had sex, I've not seen a naked guy in at least 8 months, and I AM NOT GOING TO GET PREGNANT...can't I just skip Ipledge? >.< I've never told so many people in one day that i'm kinda sorta/ really celibate (I attribute this to my horrible hyperpigmentation...the celibacy I mean) >.<. After telling my derm, many nurses, and whoever else asked that i'm a virgin at 21 (Is it really that unbelievable?), I headed downstairs to the lab to have blood drawn. Now this is a huge deal for me! I hate having blood drawn, but I can't look away. I don't mind needles, but its something about where they take it from. If they take it from my hand i'm fine, lower arm i'm fine, but I've really good veins near the crease of my elbow so where do u think they ALWAYS draw from? I cursed, the (very cute) tech laughed, we made small talk (no I didn't cry), and I left! That night I spent 30 minutes trying to get that damn tape off of my arm (thank you hairy indian arms!)! And here I am today, 29 days until accutane. On a side note on my 21st birthday I get a wonderful visit to my derm and another blood draw in addition to not being able to drink myself into next year... it's ok, it's worth it if this works. My derm said shes really excited for me (I just stared back at her blankly) and she said "It's not like we get kickbacks or anything. It's just that I really think this will work great for you". I really hope it does...

Song of the day: I Will Not Bow by Breaking Bengamin

Mood: Optimistic (with a hint of reluctance)

PICTURES TO COME!



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